JW Wife complications

manda63

Hi, my wife became a JW about 25 years ago and at the time while it all sounded crazy to me but I could see not wrong and have no problem with people having a religion , it started to become apparent that her choice of religion was almost cult like with all the controls in place. We no longer have a social life together as she will only be with Clan members not Wordly people and I have stopped going round to her friends houses for get togethers becouse I am sick to death of being questioned and mocked about my beliefs,hearing other religion being called so harsh,wordly people being talked about as if scum and all the other haughty talk. I am not allowed any material in the house that might be Apostate,satanic? or from other religions. as a counter measure I have told her she can have her literature but it must be hidden at all times due to the Fact I find it offensive and against my conscience,also I have told her as I believe it to be a false religion ,8 wicked men,false prophets etc so I need to take into account the guilty by association chestnut so result is now nothing on show. I go out on my own for social gatherings although I would love to be able to share with wife. We have taken up walking as an activity we can share together but it does at times put a strain on our marriage becouse she deeply believes and is encouraged to believe by her sheppards that one day I will wake up to the "truth?". I wish she would wake up. I just wonder do people out witnessing understand the damage that can be caused to a marriage when they latch onto either a wife or husband. Why cant a married couple of mixed belief have friends of mixed belief in the eyes of God surely it leads to devision and trouble

ps. I love my wife and have been married since I was 20 so im not looking for an excuse to leave far from it but I wont be becoming an overlapping generation believing or whatever next witness either -perhaps I should just pretend that one day I will do just to keep the peace

sspo

I feel for you.

I knocked on doors for 32 years and even when i fully believed in the watchtower doctrines i was always afraid that i would be the one breaking up a family by one of them accepting the "truth".

I saw too many times of wives coming in the organization and eventually dividing their family and often ending up in a divorce.

Hope that one day you can reason with your wife and she may come to realize the truth or the lies of the watchtower society.

carla

I am a ubm (unbelieving mate)too.

Not allowing the literature to lie around is the best thing you could do! Became a rule in my house as well. The home should be a neutral zone and a place of love not the watchtower slapping you in the face every time you turn around. Or, conversly, a copy of Crisis of Conscience for her to trip over.

I give you credit for socializing at all with the jw's! I have no desire to myself and will not. I also don't allow them in my house. Well, I take that back, he could bring them in but then he should be prepared for me to find some Wiccan's, Pagan's of varying sorts and so forth to come on over too. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Over the years we developed an odd dance of sorts about jwism, mostly we don't discuss it at all anymore. It leads no where and only bad things happen then. Not to say there are not others who are still working on my jw but to get by day to day we don't discuss or very rarely.

You are wise to find other activities you can do together, find more. Perhaps plan a few weekend get-a-ways too! Missing fs & a Sun meeting is always a healthy thing and help bring out their 'authentic' self.

You may want to find some regular activity that you know she would love that coincides with her meeting night and go alone if need be, invite her always and see if she won't skip a few meetings to be with you. Not as a test, just to enhance the marriage with an activity you both enjoy. (or find another night, just so she starts seeing 'worldly' people in a new light (ha, new light.....)

As a man you have quite a few advantages you could use per the wt literature! find them and use them when necessary.

I know first hand how very difficult the situation can be but if you can stand a little hell & tears for awhile (to set some ground rules) things can get better and somewhat 'normal'.

Wishing you peace.

?evrything

Welcome to the board...

In my opinion i would NOT pretend to keep the peace. If you do that then getting her to wake up will never happen. You have eventually ease into getting her to learn TTATT.. Best of luck bro.

LoisLane looking for Superman

Everything sspo said and Welcome.

I have seen busybody JW pioneer sisters absolutely RUIN couple's lives.

The sweet mom at home, lonely, vulnerable, has 2 nice ladies come to visit her all dressed up, talk with her, visit with her, make her feel special.

She goes with nice ladies to KHAll, she gets love bombed.

There goes husband's peaceful existence with his wife.

Manda63 I hope you stay and get encouragement and pointers for your situation.

You seem genuinely in love with your wife. I am happy to hear that.

I wish JW's never got hold of your wife, her life and yours.

JW's and their teachings, ruin all of our lives.

LoisLane

tornapart

Welcome mand63, that's a real shame.

In my old cong there was a married couple, she was JW, he was Catholic (still are I believe). They were both regularly invited to social occasions by each other's friends, barbecues, picnics, parties etc . He was happy mixing with her JW friends though he never came with her to the hall and she was happy mixing with his catholic friends, though she never went to his church. Both were very active doing things for their own religion. They had and still have a very happy marriage. We personally got to know him quite well, he was a really nice guy.

It shouldn't have to be the way it is for you!

Frazzled UBM

Wow - 25 years - well done to have survived that long. I know exactly what you mean when you say "I wish she would wake up" - I am sure that is the wish of every UBM on this site or probably every UBM full stop.

Supposedly the WBTS doesn't break up families, hmmm. They sure make it damn difficult. I understand what you say - the only contact I had with my wife's fake friends at the KH was when they dropped by early on to befriend me for the purposes of later indoctrination before I suggested to my wife that I was fine about them dropping by but if they did I would be cross-examining them on their knowledge of WBTS history and enlightening them on any deficienices in their knowledge.

So no social contact with them and getting her to go to social events with my family and friends is like pulling teeth and that doesn't even take account of how much time she spends away from the family being re-indoctrinated and kept busy with field service.

So your question about why this should be so is a good one but I am afraid the answer is a simple one - we are married to aliens - they occupy another planet and we overlap wtih them in a physical and sometimes emotional sense but rarely or never in a social, intellectual or spiritual sense. It is very sad because we love these psychological captives who are emotionally retarded.

LoisLane looking for Superman

Frazzled UBM... lol

LoisLane

OnTheWayOut

I used to be a JW and my wife still is. So a big welcome from someone else who gets what you are going through.

A couple of things. You said: I am not allowed any material in the house that might be Apostate,satanic?
The JW's teach that the husband is the head of the household. You were not a JW, but you are still the head of the household. So if you want to have materials in your house, that should be your right. I am not suggesting a war with your wife, but whatever you apply to her about her materials should at least be okay for you.

JW's are not "almost cult like." They are a cult. I suggest Steve Hassan's books, found at freedomofmind.com or at Amazon. COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL can help you understand how a group like the Witnesses can control information and the beliefs/behaviour of the members. Steve Hassan's third book, FREEDOM OF MIND, is available directly as an ebook and would be of aid to help you start learning how to reach your wife.

They are not "magic." I have read them, as well as many of us here, and my wife is still a JW. Still, you gotta have some kind of plans to help your loved ones.

My wife and I do many things together, but rarely do anything with other "friends" because her friends are JW's and my friends are either ex-JW's or "worldly." That works okay for me, but I feel similarly that it would be great to be able to do things with mutual friends.

jgnat

Hi, I've been married to my JW for the past ten years. Steve Hassan's books helped me in that I learned to distinguish between the natural personality and the "cultic" personality. By encouraging my husband's individualism, I have his authentic self most of the time, and I can usually deflect the "cult" personality.

By declaring a truce with the "cult" persona, and encouraging and spending more time with your wife's natural self, you will have a more peaceful home.

Every once in a while a Witness will have a fit of conscience and suddenly stop doing something that they used to consider perfectly fine. This happened to me recently. Hubby has decided he is not associating at any "worldly" events. Like you, I end up going alone. It's too bad because he misses out and I don't get to share those memories with him. So I've started a campaign to work through his programming.

Yesterday I had an event at the office. We planted some trees and had a BBQ afterwards. Hubby said, "definitely not!" Fine, I went by myself. Afterwards, I told him how it went, and I asked him specifically what is wrong with "worldly" social events? He mentions immorality, drunkenness. "But none of those things happened. So exactly what is wrong with these events again?" He clammed up, but I plan on working this over with him again. See, deep down he knows it is a prohibition with little backing. Also, instead of protesting that he attend, I deflect a bit by asking what is exactly wrong with me attending? Get him to think, think, think past the programming.

I would never let my husband disallow books in my home.

JW Wife complications

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