I was not only just not invited, I was sent an uninvited letter..seriously?!

by freedom2bme 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • freedom2bme
    freedom2bme

    Here is my introduction letter.

    My JW and biological sister is getting married this weekend and 3 weeks ago I received a letter actually uninviting me to this showy display. I was stunned to say the least. Let me give you some background info. Recently I relocated back close to home in Ohio(1.5hrs away) where she lives along with my mother, other biological brothers, sisters and neices /nephews. She is the only active witness in our family as we were raised Catholic and attended catholic school growing up in a very small town where everyone knows one of us. This sister had her non JW husband pass away coming up on 2 yrs in January. I drove up from Florida for the funeral and to support her and her children. I had moved away in '99 to pursue my life away from the cult and to finally be able to live my life in my way.

    You see, I am a gay man and found it nearly impossible to accept this fact myself for so many years, let alone come out to family and everyone else in the small town/ mindset. I thought maybe perhaps the Jdubs were correct and if I prayed hard enough and lived life the way they taught these "thoughts" would go away and voula, I would be cured from my sinful, lustful idea(they were clueless of my sexuality) I was very zealous, auxiliary pioneered and tried for 7 yrs in this manner of thinking. Well, needless to say I was miserable and lonely while among so many so called "friends" at the KH and distanced now from my biological family. Off to Florida I went.

    So back to coming home for the funeral. I stayed with this sister for many weeks following the funeral, putting my life back in Florida on hold, my career as a realtor including all income generating on hold for her, my partner was very supportive and remained in Florida this entire time. I helped her get all her financing in order, met with probate attorney, also her local bank to get her home refinanced and was basically her rock to help her in her darkest hour. During this time I decided it was time to move back closer to home. With so many family members I was missing out on being there with/for family being over 1000 miles away as I couldn't just up and drive back whenever necessary. Besides the real estate market was terrible in Florida at this time. During the funeral and since being back after 13 or so yrs being away from KH and the Borg I had occassion to come in contact with many old elders/old friends from my old congregation(same one my sister attends)I was never shunned in the slightest by anyone of them. On top of all this, I should explain that the elder she is marrying is a "NPG" JW(non practicing gay). It is my thinking that he has aspirations of becoming a PO or CO and needs the beard of a wife to avoid all the tongue wagging and gossip.

    Also to be a "fine example" to the flock that the whole pray away the gay does in fact work. This entire situation is making me very emotionally and physically sick,depressed and angry. These two have been using other family members for a chaperone(like it's necessary) including my mother. I'm afraid they will drink the koolaid and may have already. My mother actually said to me when I told her of my uninvite-"your sister has cried alot over this decision"... she actually has empathy for HER. She was even going to contact other witnesses to discuss all this with them to get "the rules" as she put it from them. I smacked her back to reality telling her that this is just another ploy for them to witness to our family and she was falling directly into their trap by going to them for guidance instead of her own spiritual leader. She agreed and said she would go to the wedding and support her daughter.

    Why am I feeling so smacked in the face by her and other family members that decide to attend this wedding? One of my other sisters that lives out of state is christian and totally educated as to the manmade witness bible and man made WT teachings. She originally told me she would not be in attendance and invited us to her house this weekend. This touched me greatly. However, in reading many threads here and on other exJW sites I have decided I don't want to be a divisive influence in my family. I've since sent texts out to my mother and 3 other sisters letting them know this, letting them off the proverbial hook.

    I hope all this makes some resemblance of sense as I'm just winging it here. My dilemma is how to proceed from here? I am finding it hard to even get out of bed, haven't left our apartment in 3 weeks now(since receiving my uninvited letter) After searching online and finding this site and others I am sickened to think how many people I may have misled by my preaching the crap I thought at one time was the truth! Let alone how foolish I feel knowing I was duped by these cunning cult members, including my own biological sister. Who do I trust any more? I feel I have no dignity left to back home again among family after all this. And to think that this is what I moved back here close to family for...

  • Watchtower-Free
    Watchtower-Free

    Welcome

  • Crazyguy
    Crazyguy

    you should send your sister and cc all your family a reminder of how Jesus acted and commanded us to love one another including your enemies and only those of us with out sin should throw the first stone. Then may be you could follow it with, but its ok since your religion does not follow christ but 8 men who claim their christs mention luke 21:8. Do this not because your trying to get back at your sister but to show her non christian activity and maybe this will help keep the rest of your family out of the cult.

  • chicken little
    chicken little

    I would write to her and tell her you forgive her. Then get on with your life with your wonderful partner and stop thinking about it. She does not deserve a brother like you. But maybe one day she will realise that.

    Love to you.

    Chicken little

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    Hello. A big hearty welcome to this forum. As I read this, I pretty much figured out that a "NPG" JW is a "not-practicing gay" JW. But please confirm my hunch. That seems to be the only thing that made sense and others should figure that out also. Still, please explain it so they can be as sure as I was.

    As tough as it is, I gotta say that you need to forgive your mother for going to the wedding. She doesn't want to miss out on what should be such an important event in her daughter's life. And as far as you can let it go, try to understand that JW's are just total a-holes about gay issues. That might help you to turn the anger away from your sister a bit and focus it on the Watchtower organization.

    Regardless of how sure you are that the elder is "NPG," it still remains that he is a card-carrying supporter of the Watchtower beliefs. So he is marrying a woman and he needs his Kingdom Hall wedding and his reception to be all JW-approved for his own future asperations. If you can't let it go with your sister and you can't put all the blame on Watchtower, then switch it over to the guy. Your sister is a puppet of the Watchtower right now and you may be able to keep some sort of relationship with her or reestablish one in the near future.

    As far as your own dignity with the family, it will take time for you to feel you have any of that. But you can have it if you want. If you manage to put this all behind you, you will probably be more and more comfortable around Mom and maybe Sis. Probably never around this NPG guy, but maybe. If possible, let time heal this wound and try to just ignore it.

    If it remains a big problem, or if Sis flips to being a "NO GAYNESS ALLOWED IN MY PRESENCE" JW (that sadly, does happen in JW's) or if you just don't want to be dealing with this anymore, is there still a life for you in Florida or elsewhere? While that may be your ultimate decision, I just want you to consider slowing down and seeing if it is possible to repair family relations by switching your anger away from the individuals. You probably really want to remain close to Mom and Sis. They may thank you for your patience one day, not out loud in any clear "I am sorry" kind of way, but maybe in a way you will know that they are sorry.


    Maybe others help will be a bit better. So many issues. There are others here who were un-invited.

  • freedom2bme
    freedom2bme

    Thank you watchtower- free.

  • Comatose
    Comatose

    Send her the link to jw.org and what is says on NOT shunning inactive people. Seems to me that her actions are stupid and unneeded.

    Welcome! Sorry you have to deal with this dumb ass shit. I'm going through some stupid as hell stuff right now too. Stupid cult.

    Stay around and post and express yourself. Possibly see a family doc for advice on whether depression meds might help. I did that and they helped me a lot.

  • jam
    jam

    Welcome..I wasn't invited to my daughter wedding but was told

    to sit in the back and I will not be able to give her away.

    This was my first born. My Elder brother gave her away.

  • freedom2bme
    freedom2bme

    hey crazyguy and chicken little...thanks for the advice. I am finding it difficult to want anything to do with her at the moment as I feel so betrayed by her. Besides I don't want her to know how much this bothers me as I feel she somehow wins then..I know that may sound bizarre but thats where I am right now. It is strange that my partner and I were worthy of their company at a tavern with the two of them present just last year with another sister(I have 5 sis and 3 bros) and neice of mine. I have pictures of us all that my sisters soon to be husband actually took of us all. I even encouraged my sister to text this elder to meet us in the beginning as she was hesitant to do so. Back in the beginning my sister wanted me to study with him actually way back in the 90's but I just didnt feel comfortable with him. go figure.

  • Separation of Powers
    Separation of Powers

    I appreciate your candor. It isn't easy being part of a "normal" family, being a "witness" makes it even more difficult. When I read your post, I thought about those times when I wasn't invited to an event or gathering. I felt slighted or upset. But, I often times took a step back and reflected on the fact that I probably wouldn't have attended anyway or wouldn't have enjoyed myself. Then, I didn't feel so bad (a la The Sound of Music).

    You mentioned, "She originally told me she would not be in attendance and invited us to her house this weekend." I think this is a more viable and potentially enjoyable option. If you feel accepted and loved and WELCOME there, then why go someplace else? Sometimes a wedding can be more depressing than a funeral.

    Hang in there...

    SOP

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