I guess I was ashamed of the JW religion...

by Jim_TX 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Jim_TX

  " I could hide pretty well, by the time I got to high school."

  Yeah... I knew where all of the best places were, to avoid other people (since I wasn't allowed to have 'worldly' friends - and there were not too many JWs that I knew of).

  I remember my first wife (now ex) - who graduated from the same high school I did a couple of years later saying, "I never saw you at high school."

  My comment back to her was, "I know. I hid pretty good."

  It didn't take a rocket scientist to know where the best places to stay low were... the library... the main office (although some of the ones in trouble frequented that place a lot), etc. I also knew how to move quickly if trouble ever broke out. When someone yelled 'FIGHT!', you can bet I was making tracks in the opposite direction.
• 

  LoisLane looking for Superman

  Jim_Tx (((Big hugs of comfort)))

  Excuse my French but... What the he !! was your mom thinking of?

  I have never heard of such strictness.

  You couldn't even walk across the stage to get your diploma?

  That is abuse. Religious, emotional, mental. That kind of embarrassment is in a way, harder to take, than if it was physical abuse, done, at home, by JW parents, but in private.

  Your abuse was out there for everyone to see.

  It was great reverse witnessing Jim. I am sure anyone that knew you when you were young, never grew up to be a JW.

  How has your strict youth shaped you as an older person?

  Have/had you ever discussed this with your mom? Did she ever apologize to you?

  LoisLane
• 

  Jim_TX

  "I am sure anyone that knew you when you were young, never grew up to be a JW.

  How has your strict youth shaped you as an older person?

  Have/had you ever discussed this with your mom? Did she ever apologize to you?"

  Lois, calm down. Take a deep breath. Let out slowly.

  Other kiddos had it much worse than I did. I just learned to not trust anyone.

  RE: Did my mom ever apologize? For what? She is/was not wrong - in her eyes, she did nothing wrong.

  I grew up with 5 siblings. My dad was killed when I was about 7-1/2, as did one of my sisters. My mom dove headlong into the JW religion after that.

  I learned early on that anything I said - to anyone - could get back to my mom, and then I'd be 'in for it'. She was worse than sitting in a judicial committee.

  Actually, I have to expand that a bit. She - and my siblings - were worse than sitting in a judicial committee meeting.

  I remember one time - I had pulled deep within myself and wouldn't talk to anyone - or just enough to only say things like 'Hi', or 'Bye'. Or yes and no answers. (a friend described my behaviour as 'catatonic'.) I would wait at the KH after the meetings were over, and not speak to anyone. This was when my mom drove us to the KH, before I got my driver's license.

  One night at the KH, this older man, a family friend (named Taze), came up to me and tried (in vain) to strike up a conversation that went something like...

  "Hi Jimtx."

  "hi."

  "How are you?"

  "fine."

  There was a bit more along the same lines... and he finally got bored and left me alone.

  When I got home, my mom asked me, "Well, what did Taze want?"

  "nothing."

  "Well, it must have been something, you two looked pretty serious!"

  "it was nothing."

  Then the others jumped in, like a pack of dogs attacking the wounded dog in the pack. All sorts of "You better tell us what it was!" types of remarks.

  This would usually last for 10 to 15 minutes. If I could outlast them, they'd get tired and leave me alone.

  To this day, I don't really trust anyone - enough to tell them much.

  Oh - and I used to listen to the radio a lot. Mostly far away stations. It was my way to leave - if only for a short while.
• 

  Jaidubdub

  Hey Jim-TX I also can relate to much of that. I would however try my hardest to fit in. I ate the birthday cake, in art classes I made the Christmas & Easter decorations (but managed to find a bin I could throw them in on the way home), I told my friends I got present at Christmas etc. I hated not fitting in with the normal kids at school. As I got older, I became a little rebellious. I smoked, I secretly dated worldly boys & swore like a trooper. I somehow managed to attend a couple of birthday parties!!! I hated going witnessing & was only seen a couple of times out witnessing By school friends. It was so hard growing up being so sheltered from the real world, wishing I didnt have to lie so much to fit in with the normal kids....
• 

  Ucantnome

  i was never ashamed of being a JW i was pretty shy but i always witnessed if i could and never understood my brother who would pledge allegiance he became an MS.
• 

  Ucantnome

  Jim-TX I was similar when i was in my teens after the meetings i always waited outside the hall on my own for my parents to finish gabbing they were usually one of the last to leave. finally i got my own car.
• 

  skeeter1

  I was ashamed too. I just told a friend of mine about how ashamed I was. I was "lucky" in that my parents didn't come to see my school teachers and there were hardly any other JWs in my school, let alone my classes. I'd have to watch it as school assemblies, but other then that . . . . I was of the "don't ask,don't tell." Luckily, I grew up in a town of mainly old people. I never ran into another lad at the door. I did everything to avoid service.
• 

  Jim_TX

  "I was similar when i was in my teens after the meetings i always waited outside the hall on my own for my parents to finish gabbing they were usually one of the last to leave. finally i got my own car."

  'similar'? I would wait inside the hall, and not speak to anyone. I would usually move to the front of the hall where noone would be - as most would be in the back of the hall talking.

  The little kids - 2 to 5yrs old or so would call me 'zombie', and laugh and run and play. I would ignore them.

  Still sound similar?
• 

  Ucantnome

  yes. of course it wasn't the same but it sounded similar to me.
• 

  friendaroonie

  Me too! Always completely embarrassed by it from as far back as i can remember! Kindergarten even. Hearing my mom explain how i was enrolled late cuz we are in the last days. Not saluting the flag. Even a child can tell when things dont match up.