Why the hell do I have this pathetic life?

Nicolas

I' so tired of this. Sometime, I'd just like to say goodbye cruel world but, it would be too easy to do this. When I was in the borg, they were telling me that when someone go out of the org, he have a lot of problems and that's exactly what happen to me. I don't know what to do during the week-end and I'm always alone and I still don't know what is real friend. I have the "Shawshank redemption" syndrom because I suffer so much from my loneliness that I would like to come back in this fucking WatchTower. I saw a psychologist and she just told me that I had a lot of irrational thoughts and this was the cause of my social phobia. Now what, that doesn't solve my problem. I'm wondering why the hell do I have to live on this earth if it's just to be a jerk with no social life.

Naeblis

I'll be your friend. Let's go fly a kite chum. :)

flower

I'm sorry you are having a hard time coping with life Nicolas. I've felt that way too. If you ever want to talk let me know. All I can be is a cyberfriend but I'm willing to do that. [email protected]

flower

og

Hey, please, hang in there. It gets better.

Try to find another therapist. Some are way better than others.

Solace

Oh my God!
I remember that famous J.W. quote, "Look at all the problems and misery those worldly people face". That is so annoying.
J.W.s face the same everyday problems as everyone else, they just hide them from everyone at the kingdom hall.
Appearance is everything ya' know.

What kinds of things do you enjoy doing?
Once you figure out what your wants and needs are, you can think about how to include someone.

MegaDude

I definitely can relate to your post, although I wish I didn't.

Being raised by an extreme fanatical JW mother, who rabidly followed every suggestion of the Watchtower as the literal word of Jehovah himself, I can say that this really warped my sense of self and the world around me. When I think back on some of the stupid beliefs I was still carrying around a few short years ago, I still shake my head in disbelief. Even the JWs thought my mother was too extreme.
You can guess correctly what that did to me.

After leaving, I knew the JWs were a cult, weren't God's chosen organization, but that didn't mean I was ready to join the human race outside of "Shawshank Prison." I was, like the movie aptly says, "an institutional man." A few times I considered going back just to get that feeling of being normal again.

Nick, it's going to take time. Most certainly a lot of time. You're going to have to rebuild your life, and the sooner you get to working on this, the better. Are there ex-JW's in the area where you live? If there are JWs, for sure there are ex's. This would be a good place to start building some relationships if you have that "fish out of water" feeling where the feeling of not fitting in anywhere dominates you. From there you will learn to take some chances and integrate yourself socially again with people.

Feel free to email me anytime. I had a terrible social phobia that made me miserable for quite some time. I could give you some suggestions that worked for me and will point you hopefully in a
healing direction.

NeonMadman

How long have you been out of the Borg? I went through a lot of loneliness right after I came out, too. It gets better with time, as you start to make new friends and establish new relationships. If you are still religiously inclined, why not try visiting different churches and meeting new people that way? Or, if not, find some sort of club or association that matches your interests. Take a college class, volunteer to help the handicapped or elderly. Get out and meet people and get your life on track!

Besides that, you need to establish goals. That can be hard to do, too, since as a JW, your only goal in life was to survive Armageddon. But now, you need to figure out what to do with your life, and start moving in that direction.

Email me if you want to, and I'll try to offer more help privately.

Tom

"At midnight all the agents and the superhuman crew go out and round up everyone who knows more than they do"
--Bob Dylan

gsx1138

You are definetely not alone. It took me almost 5 years to feel somewhat normal after being deeply depressed. I went to other churches and found they weren't nearly as bad as I was taught. It really depends on your personality as to what would be good for you. JW are right about the hardships of exJW but it is not because you turned away from their religion it is because you have been programmed. I had no social skills to deal with the outside world. Although I'm new this seems like a safe place to come and not be judged. I think you'll find that to be a pleasant change from when you were a JW.

Dear Lord, please save me from your followers.

LyinEyes

Nic, sorry you are so depressed and lonely. I think most of us,if not all in this room ,have been there. The truth of the matter is that it comes and goes, that is just part of the recovery. Some even well intending doctors do not understand the profile of someone involved with a cult. And that is what JW are all about, plain and simple , they are a cult. Give yourself time to work out your own issues, only you can do it, but know you have friends here. We may not no one another personally, but our stories are the same, almost down to the tiniest details. You are not alone, many times during my day , while I am taking care of my kids, washing dishes , whatever,
my mind is on those I have talked with in chat or read their experiences on the board. When you post how you feel, it does help others, gives them something to think about. I just cant stand to not speak up when someone is down. I lost my mother due to serious depression and borgdom. She couldnt take it anymore , and just gave up. Dont ever , ever give up. Fight and be happy, it takes alot of effort and takes time, but God , I feel so much better than I have in my whole life. I wish that for you and all those out there that are victims of JW brainwashing . Life is beautiful. I have a suspicion that God wants us to be happy..............shhhhh dont tell the JW"s!!
Lots of love to you Nic. :)

Nicolas

Thanks for your support. It feel good to see that I'm not alone in this situation. Personnally, I don't feel the need to go to another church but sometime, I'm so depressed that I would like to come back into the WBTS. Also, I read something about cognitive dissonance here: http://www.propaganda101.com/SocialPsychology/cognitiv.htm and that really make sense because, we learned that the peoples outside of the org face a lot of problems so, our mind is programmed to follow this affirmation. Then, if we effectively have a lot problems, that reduce the amount of cognitive dissonance because we act exactly the way as we were taught in the WBTS.

Why the hell do I have this pathetic life?

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