Hello to all,
I have posted only a couple of times and remain a little elusive. It is not because i dont want to mingle but more when i want to post on a little of my story, the words i want to write seem to mass with events and moments that are so overwhelming i cannot function anymore. I get so writing my post before my heart seems to shudder, I get a pain in my core that removes any words i want to write, and at this point i log off.......
I am 31 and it seems like yesterday i was among my "best friends" in the congregation, Tim, steve, and mark. I was 15 and can still smell steves aftershave as he walked in the hall. Within 6 months i was on my own as they had all left the truth leaving me alone and banned from contact with them.
A few months later, december 20th 1998 i stood up in a hall of 1500 people puzzled as to why nobody else had stood......I was unique?
The speaker asked me to raise my voice answering the baptism questions so all 1500 could hear my answers, shaking with the deafening silence i walked to the front door and began to get changed.
The water was warm and the time submersed seemed to last for minutes, when i broke the surface the roar of applause was almost too much.
Hugs, kisses and well done's for the next 4 hours that is apart from my father who merely said the amount of applause was due to the brothers and sisters knowing it was an early dinner as i was the only one baptised.
School was an odd mixture of bullying and being lonely. The only highlight was one particular teacher, the one where the boys were rendered speachless when she walked in the class room.....including myself, i was 15 and utterley mesmorised by this womans beauty, i remember her eyes were more powerful than any enchanting story i had ever read or any sundown i had witnessed.. her name was nicki
I had come back from the meeting one sunday and took off fishing, i had been left school around four months by this time. I was fishing without concern with catching as i just loved bing outside, it was not long after the air changed and everything became still. I had though i had hooked weed as the real jammed with a bump, Then after a few minutes of heaving the rod this way and that, it was at the moment i was going to go for break that the line took on its own life......
It was my biggest fish to date, and i could not wait to get down the path to tell my parents. It was a meal tonight with a few brothers and sisters and one of my sisters who had briefly come back into my life, little did i realise it was going to be the last ever meal with my parents and any brothers or sisters.
We had finished the meal when there was a knock at the door which my mother promptly answered, She came back in telling me in a rather surprised but gentle voice that it was for me.. I had no callers anymore as i had lost my friends so i was a little confused, when i opened the door my skin tingled, the hair on my neck became charged ....."hi, i hope you dont mind but i was just passing and thought id call in to see how life outside school was?" It was nicki, the school teacher.
My mother gave her tea and i chatted with her still confused but now alone in the living room, after a while i walked her up the path to her car where she gave me a hug and asked me before she left to jump in her car and listen to a peice of music she loved.
As i listened she leaned over to me and in words i cant explain placed her lips on my mine in the most passionate but tender way imaginable.
"meet me at the garden center tomorow at 1pm" and with that drove away. I walked back down the path, my legs were drunk. I was nervous my parents would have seen even though the car had been concealed by the large hedge at the top of our path. As i opened the door the house was alive with "good association" and i cast a glance to my mum who smiled and said "ok?" somehow i kept it together and answered "yeah fine"
As i lay on my bed my head spun with the words "its normally in the first 12 months after baptism you are tempted with a large test of faith" And it had to be a test as this teacher had hardly had any interaction with me at school, i was the innocent one of the class, who did not swear and was polite.
I longed for my old friends of the congregation and i replayed the events of the evening over and over and over, before i knew it i had lain awake all night and 1pm was coming quickly yet slowly enough for me to want to grab the hands of time turning them forward.
It was the start of journey to where the grass was going to be greener..............
Tbc