The grass is not always greener (page 2)

LoisLane looking for Superman

Hollow, There are all kinds of people. Good, bad, in between.

You sound like your name is more Tender Heart, but because of people and circumstances, and your feelings getting trampled upon, for a very long time, you are traumatized.

There was a period of time, me , an extrovert, did not want to talk to people anymore. Too many people, hurt me, too many times.

When I went out walking, I would come "alive" when I saw a dog, walking with it's Master. I didn't speak to it's owner, except to ask permission to touch their dog, ask about it's name, did he shake apaw , how old is he, but interacting with the dog, not the human.

In my life, dogs never hurt me. Humans, I was not so sure of.

I am glad you enjoy the outdoors and the Gypsy's have taken you in. I am hoping to hear, being outside is helping you to heal.

(((Hugs of understanding your life... a little bit... and walking the path of life with you today... a little bit)))

LoisLane

Tylinbrando

You mentioned you had been out of school for 4 months the night Nicki came calling. I'm guessing you were 18 by then or close to it? Seems Nicki had a plan for a while.

What a story so far and I'm sure it's only a scratch on the surface. Thanks for sharing.

hollowheart

Hi tylinbrando,

I finished school at 16, i suppose it makes it even worse. memories are vivid but years hazy but i remember it all well...so much happened in som months that if i tried to say what i had done and who with then it would sound impossible.

Nicki was the careers adviser, she taught us for around 3 months just prior to leaving.

sammy; im not a witness anymore, but that wasnt my last with the witnessesall together, far far worse happened later on.

search4truth

I want more , please write rest of the story soon .

hollowheart

Okay search4truth,

I am not only touched by the replies to this but more so comforted. I managed to tell the therapists up to this point but afterwards it got so deep and frightening that it was impossible to explain, if permitted i would appreciate continuing further with my experience.

Its not for limelight, but this a first...being able to reveal the deepest innermost memories but also ones that harness my body with fear.

Im going to settle down and continue in a few minutes or so....

love to all

hollowheart

Id best continue before i lose this courage i have somehow.

First i need to clarify the things i have done i am at times deeply upset by, people i have pushed away and things i have chosen to do.

I scrambled into the phonebooth leaving my black bin bags full of clothes on the pavement, hesitating i wondered of a way out of this (As a result of this moment i learnt survival and bushcraft vowing never to be stranded like this again not much use for the city but little did i know it was for the shoulders of giants i was destined) , I picked up the telephone and dailed the number of my parents. My heart was in my mouth and time went on forever until my mum answered . I had a small speech rehearsed in my mind but all that came out was tears, uncontrallable tears.

I was looking for car headlights and around an hour later they appeared, my fathers car drove past further down. i can still see the light in the car showing a map in my fathers hand, he turned up my road and i flagged him down.

"sorry dad" i mumbled, "it's not me but your mother you should be saying that to."he replied. Silence for the rest of the journey.

I will cut a long story here, and three weeks followed of meeting attendance where i was wrapped in cotton wool by those in the congregation, my privledges were removed from before so meetings were slow and laborious. I was still working in the same city as where my father collected me and at a company where i had many smiles directed my way from the receptionist, Infact it was that woman who talked me out of the mistake i was due to make with lisa.

One afternoon i was aware she had been in hospital so after finding her address was near work i went to visit during my lunch break. It was the same day as my judicial hearing which i was hinted i was not getting disfellowshipped by a rather loving elder who had held me as a baby so long as i was repentant.

I met the receptionist called sara, bunch of flowers and teddy in hand....I had ran like the wind to her home as lunch was short and got there with beads of sweat running down my forehead much to her amusement...She was very attractive but also seemed caring to.

In the end she asked if she could arrange a lift home for me later that day in exchange to spend more time with her, a call to my boss with some story telling authorised this.

It had been a routine procedure and sara was well enough to drive me home herself, infact she was intent. On the journey home it was comfortable and again the "truth" slipped away, For the first time in a while i was again making a friend, i was thirsty for curing this lonely feeling and emptiness of the truth and home. We pulled up near my home and sara looked at me, she explained feelings for me and would like to "date" with me...........

Arriving at the hall i knew what i had to say to the elders to remain with family and or with a roof over my head as my mum was still deeply hurt with me, Three men shook my hand and began a short prayer, I felt sick with confusion but still in control, sara was still in my mind though, how could i date a non believer??? it was impossible to go down that road.

The elders asked if i was repentant to which i answered "yes", With smiles they showed a few more scriptures and began to wrap up the meeting between us. I had escaped something a feared so much, disfellowshipping was the stuff of nightmares. Just before closing in prayer one of the elders asked if i had anything else to add?? ..................Then at that moment a strange bravery came over me, "yes" i replied.....

speak with you guys tomorrow for a longer post xx

The grass is not always greener

LoisLane looking for Superman

LoisLane looking for Superman

Tylinbrando

hollowheart

search4truth

hollowheart

hollowheart

insearchoftruth4

Sammy Jenkis

search4truth

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