What do you get? For a privileged few, you get an article with your life’s story published in the WT. Most at least receive a grand send off with a KH memorial service.
My father passed away a couple of weeks ago. He was just shy of his 89th birthday. He embraced the WT Society as a teen, and took his dedication very seriously up until the end. At age 18 he was made a company servant, pioneered, served 4 years at Bethel in the 1930’s, Special Pioneer, Circuit Work, and graduated from one of the early Gilead classes and served as a missionary in Europe after WWII. He was responsible for forming numerous congregations, and helped bring 100’s into the organization.
There was about 20 people at his memorial service in the little town where he raised his family. Most of those who attended were people whom he took out in service, studied with, etc., and I would guess that the average age of those in attendace was 75.
The elder, Bro D, who gave the talk knew my father very well, and was one of many youngsters at the time whom dad helped mold into “spiritual men”. He recounted briefly the high points of dad’s spiritual career, but said we were not there to eulogize him. (Pretty typical of witness funerals). He truthfully stated that although dad helped many, his dogmatic approach very likely rubbed many the wrong way at times. (Dad was definitely a “my way” / “societies way” or the highway kind of man.) The usual scriptures were read from Ecclesiastics about the condition of the dead, animals and mankind having the same eventuality, building a good name with God, etc. What stood out for me was the very obvious lack of enthusiasm when Bro D got to the scriptures about how close we are to the end. It sounded almost like an apology, if that makes any sense, instead of stating a strongly held belief. It’s been years since I have attended a funeral – however, I remember that the importance of how close to the end we are was always a big part of the discourse. Instead it sounded more like – “Many of us here today, like our deceased brother, may not live to see the culmination of the Bible’s promises, however, that should not stop us from living each day as our last, be faithful to the end etc.” Bottom line, in my opinion as a former TM School assistant conductor, the poor brother sounded tired and worn out. Bro D dispensed with a song at the end because only a couple of folks had brought a songbook.
Why did so few bother to attend? Our family was well known in the area, and were considered a model JW family for the nearly 20 years we lived there. Only two brothers who I would call my contemporaries were there. I was expecting to say hello to dozens of people that at one time I considered to be dear friends and part of our family. If you haven’t guessed it already, it was because of the shunning policy. Both my brother and sister are disassociated. When the local body confirmed this, they told them that although they were welcome to attend the service, under the circumstances they could not expect a show of love and affection, and that many in the congregation would likely choose to avoid talking to them altogether.
As it turned out, my brother and sister decided not to attend and very likely had some choice words about what they thought about "love among the JW's". I for the time being have chose not to disassociate, have not been disfellowshipped. However, we have not been to a meeting for over two years, and unless some other unusual circumstance occurs, never will again.
On a positive note, I did receive lots of hugs and warm wishes, (in spite of my “goatee”) from some lovely mature folks who were especially nice to me and our family when I was growing up. Many were close friends of my mother who passed away 10 years prior to my dad. Although it was sad to see how frail many were, their inherent goodness was obviously still there.
Finally, before my son and I were getting ready to leave, the elder who gave the talk in “that elder voice” asked me if he could speak with me for a few minutes in private. He wanted to know my “status” (actually probably wanted to confirm whatever my sister may have told him about my recent (2 years) anti-JW stance – I am pretty sure she was trying to sabotage my attending the service – but that is another story). I told him that we were not DA’d, or DF’d, but were inactive, had not attended in 2 years etc. He started with the usual, “You are just hurting yourself and your family, what about the eternal prospects for your son, the KH is where you can get healing, what would your father think etc.” I thanked him for his concern, and said as a former elder, I would have been disappointed if he had not approached me with questions etc., however, our family had many strong reasons, including mental health, for not going back to the KH. Also that, although I no longer attend the KH, I had not turned my back on God and that the dedication I made when I was 12 years old was to him, and not an organization. I also told him that we were no danger to the congregation in his area, or ours – we simply do not seek out witnesses for social purposes. Finally, I thanked him for arranging for the service, told him how much I loved him and his family (they were really part of “our family”, and were very supportive as I was growing up.) and said a final goodbye.
In contrast to my father’s funeral, nearly 500 attended my daughter’s funeral. As many of you know from prior posts, my daughter committed suicide instead of facing the strong possibility of being removed as a pioneer and receiving public reproof. How many of the 500 attended her funeral “voyeurs” because of the unusual circumstances of her death I cannot say. It occured to me how ironic it was that only 20 people showed up to celebrate the 70 plus years of sacred service that my father lived - in contrast to the standing room only service for my daughter (of course NOT at a KH).
Bittersweet memories - and just another nail in the coffin as far as we are concerned regarding the WT. Thanks for reading.
All best,
Mak
Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, & over these ideals they dispute & cannot unite--but they all worship money.
- Mark Twain