That is a tough question. There was a point when my kids were in High School and I encouraged them to get into sports which they both did and really enjoyed it. I thought they needed the experience and also needed the stability of the KH and the friends they had there.
Did having kids make your decision to leave easier or harder?
by Comatose 26 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
blondie
No kids...but...I could no longer go door to door and lie to people and their children nor would I stay and give support or structure to the WTS abuse system. While in I used my contacts to support children who were abused and still do, in the WTS and other organizations. My children are the children of the world not just the WTS.
-
confusedandalone
Something that always stuck with me was that even if my leaaving resulted in me losing my wife I would still do it for the following reasons:
1. If my wife left me because of my desire not to be a JWW then she obviously didn't love ME. It would hurt to lose her but how much of an idiot would I be to stay around and live a life of pain worshipping somethign that I was not comfortable worshipping and living an unfulfilled life just because I am afraid of losing someone who doesn't love the real me. That would be foolish and a waste of my time.
2. If it meant that she would take the kids away from me I would be crushed and they may think iof me as a loser but there would come a tuime that they would ask themselves, "Why would daddy leave this religion?" If me losing them forever meant they would atleast ponder the notion of leaving this life destroying cult I would be good with that and die knowing that they were aware of the fact that their dad did what he thought was best. Hopefully my actions would spur them to think about their steps.
The most important thing in my life are my children,.. My wife is well aware I would throw her under a bus to save them and she would do the same. So there is no way I would continue to go to the meetings knowing how it would destroy their future if they followed my example. I would be willling to cutoff all contact and not have them in my life if it meant that my actions could possibly make theirs better.
-
konceptual99
For me it's harder. I would stop everything right away if it was just me and my wife or if my wife was mentally with me as far as TTATT is concerned. As it is she isn't so for me discretion is the better part of valour.
-
LisaRose
A lot depends on the ages and inclination of the kids. My children were grown and also rejected the religion. That made it much easier for me. If they had joined and been zealous Witnesses, I might not have been able to get out of it so easily. It's hard to say what decision would have been. I am grateful I was not forced to choose.
-
JeffT
My children are the reason I left the Watchtower. In the Spring of 1988 the oldest was twelve, his sister was eleven, youngest was three. The two older kids were doing VERY well in school. At a CA in February we got one of the big lectcure about how close the end was and why we shouldn't waste our time on education and careers. I thought about how I gave up pursuing my Master's degree because the end was so close (1975) and how I'd gone back to school to try to get a better job.
I remember sitting there thinking "this is nuts, if the end of the world is coming so soon, doesn't have to actually get here?" That was the start of my exit.
-
nugget
Easier
I could see the harm the religion did to them and the way they were being progressively isolated from their peers. I was also very aware of how the children's teaching aids encouraged them to diminish their accomplishments and to trust the elders implicitly. My son was self harming in school because of the messages of divine judgement he was hearingat the hall reinforced by distrurbing illustrations in the literature this fed his aspergers fear of unlikely events. It was frightening how much damage this constant talk of the end of the world had on such a young child.
Once we started drawing away I was very concious that my son in particular was incapable of lying and I was concerned that he would feel dreadful if he inadvertently let slip to the elders about our doubts. I made it very clear to both my children that whatever happened it was mummy and daddy's responsibility and not his fault.
When the elders finally came to tell us we were being brought before a JC my son wanted to know what they wanted. I told him that the elders had told us that we could have really awesome Christmas lights this year as they had no interest in us and what we did any more. My son was delighted.
-
Comatose
Great feedback. Yes, I think age plays a part. If the kids were teens and "into" it, then it would be harder. I would push for holding off on baptism and going to college then if I felt that me leaving might drive the kids deeper in the cult.
With very young kids, for me it was a No brainer. I had to get them out before they were fully assimilated.
-
James Brown
Having a child made it easy to leave.
I did not want the guilt of ruining anothers life on my concience.
The writing was abundantly, clearly on the wall by 1983 when I left.
-
KiddingMe
Even though I haven't left yet, it's makes it easier. They are my driving force to get out. They've already missed out on enough, but at least things can be different for any kids they may have.
My kids aren't baptized, and I can tell they are not really into it, so that also helps.