Did having kids make your decision to leave easier or harder? (page 3)

QC

Kate: actually just up and leaving is proving more difficult as they are already indoctrinated and assimilated

No doubt the JW environment is toxic. But it’s wise to take your time transitioning kids to another support system. Kids need structure and boundaries. Most x-dubs ‘released from prison’ make a mistake, they start believing in everything. Inevitably curiosity and freedom leads to bad decisions, and then regrets.

Stirring kids on a path to good information with correct answers is possible. JWN is a helpful resource, just figure out which pro or con augments you find compelling. And, you have access to individuals you prefer to get the sense of a matter.

pronomono

This is the exact reason that I haven't had kids. The reason I give to JWs why I don't want kids is that I don't want them growing up in this system of things. The real reason I haven't had kids is I don't want them growing up the JW org. If I had kids, that might make it easier to leave. They might inspire some courage into me.

But for now, I'm a push-over and a coward that finds solace with nightly meditation, study, and alcohol. (The alcohol isn't nightly, but it does make me feel better. I'm won't let myself develop a dependency, but I will not deprive myself either). I feel that my cowardice was instilled in me by growing up as a JW. I'm slowly working up the courage and have already expressed some of my concerns with my wife, although I haven't told her everything yet. As I continue to work up the courage and pending the outcome of my "coming out" of the JW religion, I may decide to have kids. I'm 28 now, and hope to complete my transformation before my 30th birthday. I plan to attend the Christmas party at work this year.

dazed but not confused

Easier for me. They were young. Actually, my last meeting was about 12 weeks into my wife’s 2 nd pregnancy. My son was almost 3. If they were older, pre-teen or teenagers, I imagine it would have been much harder. By then (teenage years) they would have had much stronger friendships making it harder to sever relationships. Mrs. Dazed said it was easier for her too.

When I left, I knew I couldn’t fake it any longer. I never imagined leaving the “truth” would mean loosing my wife or kids. I left before coming to this site where I read horror stories of families falling apart when one spouse left without the other.

I have overcome the, hopefully!, last obstacle in my fade / leaving – which is keeping a good relationship with my uber dub mom and sister. They know I left. They are sad about it, but so far, they are willing to keep a relationship with me as long as I don’t rub non religious things in their faces. I block them from seeing happy moments like holiday celebrations and birthdays. Their loss.

brainmelt

It made it easier. If we had no kids then I probably would have stayed in much longer and pretended to believe but I realised there was no way on earth I could stay in and teach such nonsense to my children. I couldn't put them through school as JWS and there was no way I could live with having to shun them if they were ever df'd.

Comatose

School as a JW. Yes that was a big one for me too. It's too hard of a life to force on your innocent kids if you don't even beleive it. Agree totally.

Gypsy Sam

My teen helped me reevaluate the religion and now we are both out. Paying for private school has really paid off in an unexpected way :)

The game changer was the day she dressed in a professional, modest pantsuit for the meeting and I couldn't find a sensible reason for her to change. That was the last regular meeting I had her attend. We went to the memorial, in case family asked, and haven't been back to date.

innerpeace

I took my son to a few meetings when he was real young, so stressful just getting the both us ready and finding 'appropriate' clothes for him to wear. I was like screw this. My younger son hasn't even been in a KH. So yes it was an easy decision, from the small reasons (getting ready for meetings) to the big ones (holidays, blood issue). It's really hard on kids being in school as it is, and when they stand out from the crowd and are different, it just makes it that much harder. I just want them to enjoy being kids and not have to worry about Jehovah being mad if they color a holiday picture.

Just curious Gypsy Sam, did anyone say anything to your daughter about her pantsuit? I remember one time I was going to go to the afternoon session of the DC with my parents, when I met them at a resteraunt with nice slacks and shirt, my mom flipped saying I should know better than to go dressed like that (and mind you I was 30 yrs old lol). So needless to say, I left after lunch and went home.

Did having kids make your decision to leave easier or harder?

QC