Why not just ignore them instead of meeting with them again? Tell your wife that because of the blood issue as well as a few other things you can not be a JW any longer. In my opinion it's time to explain to your wife that your marriage, any aspect about it, is not to be discussed with the Elders. That if necessary you and she can go to a marriage counselor to help work out issues.
What is the best for the child if father knows TTATT and mother is a devout JW?
by Daniel1555 33 Replies latest jw friends
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DATA-DOG
Step #1 from DD's playbook: Be a real Father. That means discipline/education in the true sense of those words. Be a friend and confidant, not just a disciplinarian. Step #2: Always apologize when you are wrong. Step #3: Drum it into your kid's head that you will never lie to them, EVER!!! Then follow through.
I think doing those things will help your child in the long run. If they ever wonder, " Who can I trust??", then "DAD" will be the answer.
DD
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ABibleStudent
Hi Daniel1555, Why do the elders think that you have doubts? If your wife is confiding with the elders about your doubts, you may have to lay down the law about your wife talking with the elers. Because of the serous ramifications to you and your family of being DF'ed/DA'ed, you should tell your wife not to talk to the elders about your doubts/feelings. You are trying to sort things out for yourself and do not need additional hypocracy/pressure from the elders. Have you thought about asking your wife simple questions to reach her authentic persona such as how would she like it if you told the elders that she had doubts that might reflect badly on the rest of the family?
Have you considered delaying meeting with the elders? How would texting them that you are too busy with working, family life, and studying the Bible to meet with them. You will call them when you are ready and please do not talk with your wife without you being present because you are the head of the household and they would be acting unscriptually.
Also, why did you tell your wife about your blood card? Until you read Steve Hassan's books, it is better not to talk to your wife about your doubts. Talk to her instead about vacation plans, doing fun things, working on a budget to increase your disposible income to have fun or invest for your future. Until the WTBTS predicts when the end will come aren't you responsible as head of the household to make sure that your family is spiritually strong (LOL), financially secure, and happy?
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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Island Man
The mother gets to share JW crapaganda with the child; the father gets to share TTATT with the child; and the child gets to make his own informed decision when he is of age.
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Daniel1555
Wow, I love Datadogs advice how to be a good father and I will apply it.
Some of you don't seem to understand why I am talking to the elders about doubts. I just shortly explain. 3 years ago I wrote them a letter that I have to step down as an elder because of my feelings /doubts. Now during the last year they wanted to help me and my wife, so they met several times with me alone and also with us as a couple. They are kind and want to help, but they don't help actually, because the only thing what they tell me the whole time is that I am wrong and that I should be humble and accept that. They know about most of my doubts (actually they are not doubts anymore but certainties) except the blood issue. The blood issue is in my eyes the most important of the wrong teachings (next to df and shunning) as it can be a life or death matter. So in this matter I do not compromise and am ready to defend this stand (actually my parents who are 50 years in "the truth" agree with me on this) also before the elders.
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144001
Option 3: Quit being a JW, and advise wife that you will not permit child to attend meetings or have anything to do with the Jehovah's Witnesses.
As a person who was raised in this cult, I strongly recommend that you immediately terminate your child's exposure to the WTBTS. Every day he's there, is another day of emotional damage being inflicted on him.
As for option 1, if my father had done that, I would hate him for it today. My Dad was a zealous elder who never doubted the "Truth." If he did have doubts, but forced this on his kids anyway, I could never respect him, ever.
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yadda yadda 2
Just let the child initiate it and answer honestly for their age but in a way that will incur the wrath of wifey:
"Daddy, how come you don't come to the meetings?"
"Because I don't have to" - answer to a 5 year old
"Because I'm not religious" - answer to a 10 year old.
"Because they're boring" - answer to a 15 year old
"Daddy, why don't you go on field service?"
same.
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AnnOMaly
My husband went for a version of Option #1. Is was one of the better choices with the hand that had been dealt. Hubby had experienced first hand what living in a religiously divided household did to a kid and he was determined it wasn't going to be that way for his children, so he kept a tight lid on what he knew, although bits did trickle out occasionally. He had retained his Christian faith and the few 'Bible studies' he had with our kids (we were never hot on formal 'Bible studies' with the publications - even me, a 'loyal' dub, didn't like the ritual) were about simple lessons learned from the well-known Bible stories and Christian ethics. Questions about JW doctrine were welcome. Different views would be presented.
While the kids were still very young, I woke up to TTATT. The complexities of our circumstances meant that we couldn't just leave, but we have tried to give the kids a watered-down JW experience, gradually becoming more diluted over the years until we made the break. It has been a very difficult, often painful, slow process for us and I don't think they have come through it unscathed, nevertheless, it is 99% certain they will never become baptized JWs.
We have been able to keep contact with all our family so far - JW, non-JW, ex-JW. This had been our aim - keeping it ticking along until they became grown and could have familial relationships independent of us. And whatever happens to us in the end, if we become pariahs with JW family, at least our kids will truly be free.
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Black Sheep
3. Father continues the mantle of SuperDub, but lets his cog. dis. hang out like a flag of honor in such a way that Mother eventually realises that they have got to be nuts to still believe this crap and spills her doubts to him.
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never a jw
My situation is quite similar to yours, except for the fact that I have never been a JW. My two children are indoctrinated into a religion that I recently discovered is very dishonest and manipulative. Before, I thought it was a good religion. Now that I know TTATT, I refuse to let the deception continue. My children will be enslaved and be asked to sacrifice their dreams for the sake of the whims of few old men. Hell no! Not on my watch!
I don't know what is best for the short term. However, truth is always best in the long haul. If I were a kid (of course with the mind of an adult) and were able to choose, I would ask for the truth.