Have you grown detached from caring about JW family and old friends?

by tootired2care 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • tootired2care
    tootired2care

    After being out of the Borg for a year and a half, we’ve dealt with a lot of nonsense from local elders stopping by unannounced, well-meaning do-gooders trying to encourage us. Somehow we’ve managed to get through this without getting DF’d/DA’d. For me the worst part of it all has been that much of my family has shunned me, and stopped talking to me, as soon as they heard through the grapevine that I wasn’t going to meetings. No calls to convince me to go back, just silence which to me is worse.

    I’ve thought about trying to reach out to them, but often I just feel what is the point, what would I say? These people love their religion more than their own family. It’s like trying to reason with the Taliban. I never thought I would actually be pondering disowning my toxic JW family. I realize that makes me no better than them, but I just don’t know what else to do.

    I guess my outlook is dimming that there is ever going to be a mass exodus. It just seems that here it’s almost 2014 and they still continue to grow despite 100+ years of solid evidence proving that they are charlatans of the worst order. I am getting to the point where I’m starting to feel detached and indifferent to it all, even my JW family. I’ve even gone so far as to ponder not even going to my father’s funeral (he has been very unhealthy for many years). I know I would regret this, but dealing with that entire phony JW funeral BS is just too much to stomach.

    What about you, do you still care about JW family and friends or have you grown detached, and cast them off, and with what result to your emotional state? Conversely, what keeps you motivated to keep caring, and where have you had success?

  • whathappened
    whathappened

    We were able to get the majority of our family out by showing them what the Watchtower publications said in the Finished Mystery book and older Watchtowers.

    My daughter is still in but refuses to shun me and her husband is allowing this.

    My nephew only maintains a yearly or semi annual check in with his mother, who left just before I did. He completely shuns me.

    I still care about a couple of people who were friends, but they won't have anything to do with me. It is their loss, I feel.

  • mind blown
    mind blown

    whathappened you're really lucky to have your family....

    My closest aunt shunned me for many years. I would call her anyway just to check in, see how's she's doing as she's gaining in years. At the time I do believe the worst part of it was, once she knew it was me on the phone, her voice changed to a cold chill. I'd continue to call every so often no matter what. I'd keep it short.....saying" Just checking to see how you're doing". After many years of this she's finally dropping her guard. Even called two weeks ago and asked if there was anything I needed or anything she could do for me

    As my daughter got more involved with the JW's I could see she started calling me less and less. But I continued calling, checking in, sending short emails and now for some odd reason, she too has recently dropped her guard a bit more.

    My personal thought is ...I do love them and going to do the loving thing.......screw them if they can't handle it...

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Hi tootired2care, You have several options when dealing with JWs who are shunning you. One is to view them as being toxic and forget about them. Another is send them lots of pictures of you and your family having fun and enjoying life. I recommend doing the latter. Now adays with digital cameras, cell phones with digital cameras, email, and FB it has never been easier and cheaper to share what you and your family are doing with your JW friends and family.

    I understand if you want to write-off your JW friends and family, but sending them postcards and emails may make their authentic persona be able to control their cult persona someday. Setting up a FB page for your non-JW friends and family will also help your JW friends and family to keep in touch without violating WTBTS rules. Besides you can always post books that you have read recently on FB or current news articles that interest you and may shock your JW friends and family.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    tootired2care,

    I left over 4 years ago now...all the drama from me leaving has simmered down. I too have all my jdub family that doesn't contact me or talk to me, my mom had surgery this week, and when I went to visit her my sister didn't even acknowledge I was in the room. I learn to have a sense of humor about these things...when my sister and another woman from my old kh started talking about the weather I chimed right in..... even tho I never got a response, I could still tell that it rattled them which made me chuckle inside.

    I have really gotten detached from all of them, I will be graduating college this spring & going on to grad school (I am the only one in my family to ever do this)...and listening to their superficial conversation at the hospital made me realize that I have nothing in common with them anymore. THere is nothing I could say to them to make them change their minds, and any "wordly" successes I achieve mean nothing to them...so we are at an impass. I hope if they ever wake up they decide to contact me, but I have gotten to that "acceptance" part of my grief...

    CHG

  • Pyramid God
    Pyramid God

    I treat them the way they treat me. I still have contact with my family, but most of my friends won't speak to me at all. When I see them I go out of my way to be friendly to them, if nothing else to show that I'm better than their shunning. But for some that go out of their way to shun me, I feel nothing for, maybe even contempt.

    In short yes I am losing I am losing my fondness for them.

  • krejames
    krejames

    Good thread. I can totally relate.

    I never thought I would be considering that it would be a relief losing contact with my family. For me family has always been everything. I had a long conversation with my Mum and my sister when I went home several weeks ago to do some odd jobs that needed doing at my mum's house - I told them I was no longer going to the meetings.

    Since then I had one text from each of them. I decided to bite the bullet and call them this evening. My sister was not quite as chatty as usual and kept the conversation short before handing me over to my mum. My mum proceeded to talk at length,gushing about a gift a sister in her cong had given her which was a recording and notes of the AGM (my mum despite being a regular pioneer for many years and a regular auxilary - she can't now due to ill health - was the only one of the family except me not invited) and how her cong had been chosen to be hosts for the international assembly next year and what a wonderful privilege it was. It all sounded very much like she was making a point. Asked me a couple of quick questions about what I was up to. Without any follow up questions from her I realised I had nothing else to say to her so said I had better let her get on. They are both so involved in "the truth" that they are not really interested in conversation about anything else. With both of them, despite doing their best to be chatty I could sense pain in their voices. Does it really have to be so hard?

    With my lifestyle as it is (a boyfriend who I dare not mention and socialising with "worldy" friends), there's not really much I can offer anymore. And I realised that it would be easier if they did just bite the bullet and shun me. I totally get what you mean when you say it's like trying to reason with the Taliban. Mine aren't quite that fanatical but they are totally consumed with JW life. They have nothing else. I hope they don't find out the real truth about the truth, for their own sake. It would destroy them. On the other hand I don't want to live with a constant feeling of disapproval in my life. Very sad.

  • NewYork44M
    NewYork44M

    There remain a few (very few) individuals that I would like to reconnect. Other than that, I don't have strong ties with all those brothers I spend the first 35 years of my life with.

  • tootired2care
    tootired2care

    @whathappened

    That is good attitude to have,

    @mind blown

    It’s nice to see that you are starting to see some results, I just don’t even know where to begin, I haven’t talked to my dad in almost a year.

    @ABibleStudent

    You’re absolutely right, living a good life and sharing that through pictures and social media is a great idea. I did that last year after we traveled. Unfortunately I’m not planning any trips in the near future and have just been very busy with work and college, so there is not going to be much to share in the immediate future.

    @Coffee House Girl –

    I will be graduating college this spring & going on to grad school (I am the only one in my family to ever do this)...and listening to their superficial conversation at the hospital made me realize that I have nothing in common with them anymore. THere is nothing I could say to them to make them change their minds, and any "wordly" successes I achieve mean nothing to them...so we are at an impass.

    This resembles my circumstances, I feel as if I’m at an impasses as well. One of the last things I said to my father is that I am going to college, and they just can’t deal with that and me not going to meetings. I guess I just feel if they can’t even acknowledge me anymore why should I? I think I would just like to have a conversation as a formality and get things out in the open and over with to help me move on.

    @Pyramid God

    I love that. One of the things I really enjoy about not being a JW anymore is that I’m no longer beholden to some silly rules, and I can repay people in kind, and it’s been very refreshing.

    @krejames - I never thought I would be considering that it would be a relief losing contact with my family.

    It is a very strange feeling. Even when I was a witness I was never really close with my family because they always propped the uber spiritual members of the family above the others and it has never set well with me.

    @NewYork44M

    You’ve been out a long time, please tell me it gets easier in time to mentally deal with family nonsense?

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    tootired2care - Unfortunately I’m not planning any trips in the near future and have just been very busy with work and college, so there is not going to be much to share in the immediate future.

    HI tootired2care, It might surprise you what your JW family and friends might be interested in seeing about what you are doing because their authentic personas do love and miss you. If you do post pictures on line about college life or what you are doing, try not to post pictures of drunken orgies. Future employers use FB to investigate activities of potential employees. I bet you thought that I was refering to your JW family and friends - Gotchya!!

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit