by tootired2care 61 Replies latest jw friends
I am not shunned by family because of the fade. My mother and I have a standing agreement not to discuss religion. She violates it first, but only to encourage me back to the cult. My in-law family treats me the same as before.
My wife's best friend lives on a tropical island now and we have visited. She treats me the same as before, which is pretty good. I steer clear of all other JW's entirely. I missed my best friend for choosing WT over me but found unconditional friends among ex-JW's.
did you at least have a good hash out session or three that gave you some closure or basis for writing family off
Yes, because I made that happen. It wasn't so much a 'hash out' as it was me informing them of the change in status of our relationship, the reason why, and terms for renegotiation.
At the beginning I felt lonely and missed my former friends and relatives a lot, but now after nearly 12 years I don't really care for them anymore. One of my four siblings and I are still in touch (she never bought any of the WTS crap and never got baptized) and part of me still cares about two other siblings, although it hurts how they've treated me. And I feel sorry for my grandmother who's nearly 90 and still a firm WTS believer. I know she misses me, but her consciense doesn't allow her to see me or talk to me. The rest of the family, my parents, youngest sister, aunts, uncles... I really don't care what happens to them. I don't feel any need to ever see them again. The things they've said and done have hurt me too bad.
And as for friends... one friend was like a sister to me, I loved her to bits, even after me being DF'd we still had contact every now and then, until I realized that the only thing she wanted was to get me back in the cult. So the last time she emailed me was to tell me about some new book of the org. and I told her that I didn't want it, and that I would never ever return or be reinstated. And that was the bitter end of our friendship.
Sometimes I hope that my brother and sister and that specific friend will 'see the light' and find a way to break loose from the cult, but I think that things would never be the same again. We've grown apart for so long, it's like I'm from another planet... So i've learned to live with the idea that I'll never see them again in my lifetime.
So i've learned to live with the idea that I'll never see them again in my lifetime.
Wow, I don't even know you Bruja-del-Sol and even reading it hurts. But that might be the price for freedom.
I just received a phone call from a non-witness relative (the ONLY one in the family, that also has contact to my witness family) and she told me that my parents moved away, changed phone number and didn't tell her where they went, she called another witness relative and they don't want her to know (no doubt because they know that I have contact with her).
So that is it. I don't even know where my parents live anymore. Strange & Sad how this f****** cult destroys lifes and families. The GB can all go to hell and take the elevator. Annointed my ass.
It makes me really sad just reading your stories. These things are unimaginable... I am just thankful that I am the only one in the family stuck in the "truth". For those who are still studying to become one of JWs, I hope you are able to read this and know the reality.
I've made a lot better friends among EX-JW's and other non-Witnesses than I ever had in the JW cult. So yes, I've grown somewhat detached in the 10 ears I've been out of the JW's from former friends and family. My JW parents still accept my inactive JW position and one of my siblings, but my daughters and a couple siblings I don't talk with much if at all. And I have NO former JW friends I keep in contact with . I just don't respect them anymore. They are mentally off and choose to stay that way.
I hold out hope for my daughters still that injustices may make them turn around and be civil, normal humans again- but until that day comes I don't push it with them. Just call and tell them I love them and am thinking about them, but I never get a call back. Time will tell. We will be here for them if and when their JW wheels fall off. How I view it
Hubby and my situation is similar to yours except we didn't wake up untill we were close to 60 yo. We have no siblings but every living relative is a JW. We faded several years ago and have been shunned by our aunts, uncles, and cousins. None live in our town. NOT ONE has called or written a word of encouragement. We have received a couple of nasty phone messages I can't discuss for now. They know we have suffered a number of trajic situations yet, we are dead to them. I too, have finally stopped crying over the loss now that I realize they never had real love for us. Do we intend to have it out with any of them? NO! They have revealed their authentic and cult personalities to be selfish at best hateful at worst. Why waste my emotional energy on them. They know how to reach us. If they ever change I will welcome them with open arms but as they are now, they are TOXIC.
Mr. Flipper, you have been of great help (you know when!). You really hang in there for me and friendships like these one are very valuable. You cared more about me when I was suicidal than my own sisters. For that I will be always grateful - wanted to take you up on the calling offer - maybe didn't had the courage to ring you up. Will do one of these days
I didn't knew you had daughters still in...reading this really pulled my heart strings. My daughter is in school age and doesn't really understand what is going on. How old are your daughters (if I may ask, if not ignore). I am just trying to understand how that works and sometimes think that my own daughter will do the same to me. Big hug big friend!!!
I hold out hope for my daughters still that injustices may make them turn around and be civil, normal humans again- but until that day comes I don't push it with them. Just call and tell them I love them and am thinking about them, but I never get a call back.
I am here if needed. But I don't concern myself with their petty little deluded lives, lives that are being controlled by a cult.
My brother and sisters don't contact me. I have had to detach emotionally because after nearly twenty-five years since I disassociated they know I'm not going back. Plus I don't try to change their beliefs so there is no need to avoid me, they are just punishing me. Final act of love to bring me back to the fold? Don't make me laugh.
Personally I think they took perverse delight in acting fairly normally at my parents' and my husband's funerals and then after a few weeks going back to treating me coolly if I phoned them, never phoning me and refusing to meet up 'in case they stumble someone'. They could have made excuses about widows and fatherless children, taking care of necessary family business and so on. Instead they used the opportunity to begin shunning me all over again, and again, such fun.
So I don't contact them now. I wont give them the chance to inflict any more pain as if I condone their treatment of me which I most certainly do not. I have to be honest part of me hopes they get out one day and regain their pre-cult personalities but I can barely remember what they were like. Another part of me thinks, these people are cold and cruel, could I ever trust them? Would I ever want to have anything more to do with them?
