For those who left: Are you better persons now?

by caballoSentado 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • Carmel
    Carmel

    From a perspective of moral and ethical development (see Maslow's Seven Stages of Moral Development) one of the seminal events in my life was to leave the control of the Borg and begin further my progress of becoming! Any high control organization will stunt the development of its members so in that regard, I can certainly say I've become a more moral and ethical person having left the influence of the JUU's behind.

    Do other people confirm this? I believe so, but then the people that surrounded me as a JUU are not the same that I associate with now. I have much more respect for the opinions of those with whom I associate now and so the validation has to be too subjective to be meaningful.

    It all boils down to the inference in the question. Dubs think they are happy and of high moral rectitude, above everyone else (ie the worldly) when in fact I've found the reverse to be true.

    carmel

  • Dutchie
    Dutchie

    Why do you feel it is important that we are better people after leaving the watchtower? I don’t believe that this is the point at all. People are who they are whether they are in the organization or not. What the organization does is stifle some aspects of your personality under threat of being disfellowshipped. Or do you feel that because the society tells you not to murder or steal, if you left the organization would you start murdering people and stealing from them? Do you need the watchtower to keep you in line?

    The deciding factor for me is that I no longer wanted to be associated with an organization that taught lies. Being a Jehovah’s Witnesses is more encompassing that most religions and your whole life is spent going to meetings and out in field service and for what? If their teachings are wrong and you know it, then you are spending countless hours serving not God, but men.

    If you need this organization to fill some need in you then by all means, don’t leave. However, if you are aware that your religion is not the true one, why, or why, would you stay in and support it?

  • Nemesis
    Nemesis

    Hello Caballo,

    You said: “DO PEOPLE AROUND YOU THINK SO? (That is what counts, isn't it?).”

    Well I would have to say, why would I care what people thought? After leaving the Watch Tower organisation, why would I—or anyone—want to then willingly put ourselves under the judgment of another human to validate ourselves based on what they think of us? Surely Jesus and God’s opinion are the only ones that matter.

    As the others have said, you are still you, it’s just you are not a puppet anymore, those strings have been cut, and we fell down and got a bump, but now we realise we can work fine without those organisation’s strings pulling on us like ropes of bondage.

    People have commented how I have an increased sense of humour, I laugh much more easily than I have for as long as I can remember. I no longer have nightmares, or wake up feeling dread of Armageddon, or God’s wrath. I feel free to think and feel without feeling guilty all the time. I also feel much more open to others. I still do have a lot of anger about how much time has been wasted with a mind control sect like the JWs. But any abuse takes time to heal, one day I hope to look back and feel nothing negative, just passive fact, and of no power over me whatsoever.

    As for going back? Why would I jump back in the fire after I have only just got out alive? Bad habits are hard to break, but by God I will never go back to the sickness that is the Watch Tower Bible & Tract Society.

  • COMF
    COMF

    It was a good idea to bring this to its own thread. I agree, the subject deserves it. Here is my response, copied and pasted from the original thread. My comments are in answer to questions asked by Ginosko.

    Are you as a group better that the JW's?

    The answer depends on what you mean by "better". In many ways, we are no different than JWs. In some ways we are in better shape. It would be best not to think of us as a group, though, because we are individuals and we don't have a group philosophy or goal.

    Are you showing godly devotion acts?

    I am meticulously honest. I take good care of myself and don't drink, smoke, or get high. I'm kind and understanding in dealing with other people. When a genuine mistake I made is pointed out to me, I acknowledge it. I encourage others and offer suggestions and observations when I think these will help them with some problem they are struggling with. I also give of my energy, time and resources in helping others. And, since I can feel the next question inherent in this one: part of the time I spend in helping others is spent helping them, to the extent I am able, to make sense of spiritual things.

    Do you think that you have a better relation with God?

    I would say that my relationship with God is much better now, because it is based on a far more accurate understanding of how things are.

    Do you have better qualities with your husband or wifes and sons?

    Well, I don't have a wife. I have two grown sons, and, yes, we do get along better now than we did when I was a JW. We have an annual reunion where one son and I fly up to visit the other son half a continent away, and we all bond all over again. But my girlfriend, and other people I have come to know in recent years, all speak highly of me. I assume that's because of qualities they see in me that they respect and appreciate.

    Are you happiers?

    Absolutely, without question, happier than I have ever been in my life.

    Do you think that you know God better?

    Let me put it this way. I do not know any truths about God now that I didn't know then; but I have gotten rid of some misconceptions and untruths that prevented me from seeing things clearly about God.

    Don't you fell alone?

    Not at all. Above anything else, I have myself; when everyone else is gone, I am still here, and I am my best friend. I love myself. Beyond that, I have made some good friends from people I work with, and from meeting the friends of my girlfriend and people I know. Today (Sunday) I spent the entire day out on a lake in a pontoon boat owned by a couple I met recently at a party my girlfriend hosted. We swam, boated around the lake, ate fruit and chicken at a picnic table on an island, and they drank beer, but not to excess. I drank water (I don't drink beer). We had a fine time, and are looking forward soon to going camping together. People are just people. Some of them are evil, and some of them are dangerous, but this is just as true of Jehovah's Witnesses as it is of anyone else. You just have to learn to recognize a con when it's being perpetrated, and dodge it. In my experience, the majority of people in the world are basically good people, worthy of having as friends.

    What do other people that are not JW say about you, do they see that you are a better person?

    Well, my mom and my brothers and sister sure do like me better now. Nobody else who knows me now knew me when I was a witness. But I will tell you truthfully, I have changed for the better. Part of it is just plain old maturity... getting older and having lived and observed more of life than when I was young and a Jehovah's Witness. But a lot of it is the particular lessons I have learned since leaving the organization, lessons related to my leaving.

    Yes, I am a better person now. I was good then, and well-intentioned, but I was misguided and immature, as all JWs are immature, having no experience of life in the real world, and having a mind filled with fairy-tale ideas known only to their fellow cult members. It takes time to adjust to real life, and it isn't without its pain and stress (boy, don't I know it). But it is worthwhile. There is true peace in living in reality rather than living in a shallow pretense.

    I hope you will join us here in reality. It isn't all pretty, and it isn't all good, but it's real. It's as real as it gets.

    COMF

    Come, fill the cup, and in the fire of spring
    Your winter-garment of repentance fling:
    The bird of Time has but a little way
    To flutter--and the bird is on the wing.

  • zanex
    zanex

    better..? Definitely. Freedom to think gave me the world. Leaving the borg gave me freedom to USE it. Nothing is perfect tho I still to this day have no faith in god or any type of "higher being". Life in general is AWESOME tho. I wouldnt change it for anything.

  • caballoSentado
    caballoSentado

    Nemesis:

    You said:
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    Well I would have to say, why would I care what people thought? After leaving the Watch Tower organisation, why would I—or anyone—want to then willingly put ourselves under the judgment of another human to validate ourselves based on what they think of us? Surely Jesus and God’s opinion are the only ones that matter.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    Yes, you are right. I said what I said in the sense that you can make people around you happier or sadder, you can make people around you love or hate you.... and as Jesus said "There is more happiness in giving than in receiving"... if your family & neighbors love you, care for you, you know that your life is having a purpose, even if you do not believe in God. Life is short, Why make others suffer?.

    rekless,
    you said:
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    I don't feel hypocritical when inquiring about health, wealth, or anything else.....
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    I agree wholeheartedly with you!

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    The last time my mom and brother came to visit, the both commented on how I am a calmer, less judgmental and over all better person.

    "As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
    Believe in yourself, not mythology.
    <x ><

  • lydia
    lydia

    I am myself again - not some picture perfect person who will never and can never live up to unrealisitic expectations that are set by the BORG.
    I have found my life and I am ejoying it - with out having to balckmail others into a family style realtionship.
    I HATE the conditional Love that the BORG demands of all. They like you only IF you are doing what THEY say - with out questioning!

    I am much better - havea better relationship with all including my God.I am also an active member of my Lutheran Church too - and I do this because I want to - not because I was told I had to do this. I am me because of the Grace that God has Lovingly given...

    Just my thoughts...

    Lyd

  • garybuss
    garybuss

    Hi caballoSentado

    I hope you do not leave. How will you serve God if you are not a Jehovah's Witness?

    I was a much better person as a Witness. When I was a Witness, I judged people with righteous judgement. Now I just accept people and kinda like most everybody who treats me good.

    When I was a Witness, I shunned people for no other reason than I was told to do so by someone I didn't even like. Now I only shun people who shun and snub me and others important to me.

    When I was a Witness, I encouraged people to refuse medical treatment that required blood support and some of those people died. Now I encourage people to receive the best medical treatment available.

    When I was a Witness, I did not educate myself nor work for financial success, present or future. Now I have a fine education, a good job and a retirement plan.

    Glad you are happy as a Witness. They need you. Best wishes.

    gb

    By the way, your question was an insult to anyone with a brain.

  • caballoSentado
    caballoSentado

    To Garybuss
    I know there is irony in your post, but I posted an honest question. I did not try to insult anybody by posing it. Pls read my posts "My congregation & the UN" and you will know that I am having my own "crisis of conscience". I cannot hold many of the tenets of the JW's organization now... the blood issue, the 607/1914/1918 dates, the extreme shunning policy, the authoritarian & legalist ways of the society and some others teachings. I am hardly attending any meeting. Some elders know my standing but I do not know why I have not been called for a JC yet. If it comes I will NOT change my views. what I DO know is that there are many honest & sincere, although blinded, people inside. I hope this clarification helps you understand why I posted that question.

    Caballo Sentado

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