KateWild,
I have a wonderful friend, he is a few years younger than me and he has Aspergers. What I find amazing and sad is that he knows he is socially awkward. He is very intelligent and self-observes an awful lot, but says he cannot change. He would love to have a lady in his life. He and I have gone to different social occasions for people with disabilities and even just to the shops so he can meet people, but because he cannot talk to strangers, and because most strangers are impatient/alarmed/put off by his behaviour, he remains lonely. I wasn't impatient/alarmed/put off, and I'm so glad, because now I have a very caring, loyal, intelligent friend.
I am sorry your husband uses a very real disability (and gift) against you. Abusers love to stoop to the lowest level to make sure the abused do not get any high ideas like having a healthy self-esteem. I was married to someone like that once.
I give you a cyber hug.
gorgia