Space, this is madness! But, I do understand where you're coming from. It is hard on the outside. It's much easier to pretend or feign belief and associate with people who mostly are genuine in their belief, but are under mind control.
So many are in the dark as to the truth about the Watch Tower Society. We have been told lie upon lie. What does the world have to offer you in comparison? Freedom of choice? Why would anyone choose freedom to be their full potential? Or the ability to think for oneself. It's much easier to let others make decisions for us, this way we can continue to remain childlike and under control.
You can lead a perfectly good and moral life without the WTS. And have friends who will love you unconditionally. Unfortunately, you will not find unconditional love at your neighborhood Kingdom Hall.
During your fade did you make any friends? Did your new found freedom cause you to act out or get involved with the wrong crowd?
What interests do you have? What dreams did you dream for yourself? Are you working? Are you trying to pursue any of your dreams?
Are you afraid of being alone?
Whatever you choose, listen to me, please, for another moment.
I have spent over a year fading in order to help friends awaken. What I know is no matter how hard I try and as much as I want them to awaken, until they are ready they will remain sound asleep.
I am finished with it now. I am here for them when they need me, but this morning I was thinking, I can't really afford to spend the precious time I have left in this way. I must, at the half century mark, start living the rest of MY life.
I had already given 20 years to the jw cult. 20 years of allowing the WTS make decisions for me. I will never get that time back. Time is all we have and then when our time is up it's game over. I no longer have good health. Like you, I haven't any jw family. I haven't any family. No children. No spouse. No education.
Many things that might have been were not because I allowed the WTS ( the men of the governing body) and the C.O. to dictate how I should live.
Spacey, why waste more time living a lie? We are here. You have friends here. And if you choose, you can make friends on the outside where you live, work or go to school. Or if you have a hobby or other activity you like to participate in.
Replace what you feel you lost with something that you love to do or delight in.
Please reconsider and think about your choices carefully before opening up the JW can of works again.
Whatever you ultimately decide, I wish you good health and a life filled with happiness!
~~Rippy~~