To answer your question:
No. I don't.
I'm far, far worse, not nearly as angry, and look much, much better.
Do you look like the apostate they warned you about?
by Angus Beef 43 Replies latest jw experiences
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breakfast of champions
My local hall is FULL of apostates!
Ex-Catholics, ex-Prodestants, ex-Mormons, ex-Baptists. . . . .
I should fit right in
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cantleave
Be proud to be Apostate
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3rdgen
What does an apostate look like? Assuming you mean those of us who have left Watchtower, we look like your friends and neighbors. As a rule we have not turned to orgys, S &M, or Goth attire. We haven't started looking like "the oldest profession". However I do notice that I no longer shop for "sensible service clothes and shoes" I tend to pick livelier colors and styles. My hairstyle is longer, looser, and younger than when I was "in" several years ago. JWs I run into say I look great! Hahahah it must make them scratch their heads.
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problemaddict
ILTTAT gave this definition.
adjective adjective: apostate
- 1. abandoning a religious or political belief or principle.
That is all that needs to be said. The GB and WT writers have created a pejorative meanign of the word, so that it holds an especially evil meaning.
I believe JW facts (Grundy), was disfellowshipped for apostacy by celebrating his 2 years olds birthday. I mean.....wow. Even JW's I have spoken to think that is harsh.
So they have taken the simple and accurate definition above, and added to it that if you are that definition, you are an agent of Satan, mentally diseased, going to be destroyed by God, our to infouence others negatively no matter what, untrustworthy, evil, acting with nothing but lies, etc...
I am not an apostate. I am a person who no longer feels the same way about the religion of my youth. Thats it.
This level of aversion to people of your former faith is just absolutely crazy, and certianly highly controling.
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Found Sheep
What everyone else said. I left about five years ago and I am still healing. It is a good healing most of the time. I'm learning to think for myself, enjoy life and live free. I hope a happy and quick recovery but don't be too hard on yourself. The JW's had a hold of you and it takes time and tears to break that hold.
FS
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problemaddict
Oh I forgot the greater answer to your question.
NO! I do not look like, seem like, or act like the person I believed an apostate to be. How?
I don't have tatoos of facial hair (the hallmark of apostacy apparently).
I am clean cut and well dressed (no holes in my designer jeans....another apostate sign!)
I have ahappy marriage, and wonderful child with another little "blessing" on the way.
I am running a succesful business, but not to the point where I could be accused of "slaving for riches".
I reach out to and help others all the time. I try to be generous.
I don't project negativity.
Basically I would say i am the worst nightmare of a person who leaves the faith. Doing just fine and very happy...thank you very much!
That is the best revenge.
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Angus Beef
I hope the panic attacks will go away! I was chatting with my older daugher who is very active, she will bring our grandchild out for the night after their family worship covering Christmas... oh dear lord, just in those simple words, which I KNOW were not towards me, but IT"s like SHE KNOWS! EVERYONE KNOWS what I thinking! REality check. my husband and younger daughter only know.
This gripping fear! MY excuses for not being at the meeting when at one time I never thought much of... sore throat, don't want to make anyone sick. I'm hurting all over and just had to go to bed early, stayed up late... but now, it's like i need to be more convincing. Even convincing my husband. Was never good at lying. and Now... I'm just plain afraid. Again I want out, excited to be getting out... but the overwhelming guilt/fear... at the F'N Same time!!!!
I stopped using my facebook acct that had all the "friends" on it. I've gone to a more private, immediate family only. And even that makes me feel like someone will figure me out...
I know in the long run this will work it's self out and hopefully I can help someone else in the future, but right now this is scary.
Maybe I need to find something outside the home to do... SAHM for years, haven't worked in years. Being in the house by myself all day and worrying off and on all day is really getting to me. I'm feeling obsessed.
Thank you for letting me vent and your suggestions. I know Apostate is only a word, but when its grilled into your head that those are the monsters of the world, satan's special people who drive you from Jah.... it's hard to see that it's only humans, people who live normal lives now, they don't deserve that title.
I'll get to the library as soon as I can. If I could tell my mother about this, Im sure she'd run out and buy the books for me... reunited with her for about 4 years, after ignoring her for 7. I've wasted more than just my life.
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3rdgen
Angus B, You have brought out the downside of fading - the abject FEAR of being caught saying, doing, even thinking something not approved by the WTBT$. It is important to be cautious during a fade while tryng hard not to be paralized by fear. Maybe the worst that could happen if you were found out wouldn't be as bad as what you are going through now. I like your idea of getting out of the house and filling your time whith things you enjoy. I promise things will get better in time.
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AlphaMan
JW Apostates look like this.
