Not interested, hey feel free to share yourself if you want ok? it always helps. you can write me sometime.
jstme, actually yes i have had a medical condition my whole life. depression and social anxiety disorder which i spoke about when i started this thread. my depression and SAD were blatanly obvious to anyone who had any common sense. but everyone who knew me (which were only jw's and my family) wrote it off as me being a snob or just having an attitude problem. of course just being a kid myself i didnt know why i was different. being a dub of course intensified all of it.
it wasnt till i was out of high school that i happened upon an article about depression and realized thats what i had. but i didnt do anything about it until after i had my son. enough was enough and i had to get myself together so i could raise my kid to be happy and healthy.
so started the therapy/med/med therapy cycle for me. my therapists one after another got frustrated and dropped me cause i wasnt talking to them. they told me that i was hiding too much and it was counterproductive. i was only hiding the fact that i was a dub (inactive at the time). and then when i was df'd all hell broke loose mentally and yet i still didnt share any of it w/the therapist. i felt guilty talking to this 'wordly' person about things that were my own fault. there was no way they could help me because it was between jehovah and me. i eventually went off the meds and managed to live on an even keel for a year or so by telling myself that i didnt give a damn anymore. i was just gonna do what i could for my kid and fuck everything else.
finding out the truth about the trooth was the thing that has helped me move forward and heal from both the depression and anxiety more than any med ever did or therapy ever could. the weight of the depression was gone almost in an instant.
my therapists used to tell me that even someone with major depressive disorder can learn to live without medication by sorting out the root of the depression. well for me the root of the depression was the fact that jehovah hated me. i've felt that way since i was a little kid of 4 years old. it was threatened to me to make me behave. 'jehovah hates it when you act this way' 'jehovah wants you to do what i say' 'jehovah says you better listen to me'' this isnt me talking its jehovah because he says you better listen to your mother and father'.
by the time i was 5 i was already exhibiting signs of major depression and anxiety. i can see it clearly when i think back to then. why couldnt anyone else?
anyway once i knew that jehovah of the watchtower was a creation of their evil minds then a lot of my depression went away. the things i posted about here are more about learning to heal from the first 29 years of my life and become a real person.
its not about depressive disorder anymore. i certainly dont need meds now. i'm better than i ever was when i was on meds. but i do need to work through some stuff. i'm actually happy now if thats possible to say.
i feel unhappy but i'm happier than i've ever been in my life. make any sense?
flower
