Yeah, so this is it. I am finally in college and I'm now in my 2nd year. Last year, I have so much friends and they were very good. But they left after one year and transferred to other schools. Now, I am alone. I bumped into a group which is "all girls" and we've had good times. But after our thesis was done, I had conflict with them. One girl never talked to me anymore and I don't know why. So I confronted her and asked her what I've done. Her reason wasn't reasonable. She said that she didn't like my attitude being "Overacting". And I was like what? Well this is me, I tell stories overactingly which is because I am a person who gets very excited talking and telling stories. Was she a real friend? I think no. And now, I am alone in school. I left that group. Thank Lord Jehovah I have a dorm to cling on to. When vacant time, I go to my dorm. After classes, I go to my dorm. My college is a catholic school though. I couldn't find any JW studying there. Anyone help please? I am a bit of a "shy type" here.
It seems I don't have any friends anymore in school.
by clycleng 12 Replies latest jw friends
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quellycatface
Hi clycleng
Do you still attend meetings? Are you far from home?
It's hard when you go to Uni/college and don't know anyone. Try joining some clubs, or the student union and see how you go from there.
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wasblind
Maybe you could become a tutor in a subject you are strong in.
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Universities always need tour guides . Have you thought of
a job on or off campus to fill your time. That's a great way to meet people
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Some colleges and Universitys have programs that help students
assimilate into the positive aspects of the campus environment .
see if your campus has a program like that
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jgnat
Our local university is very large and during an open house the professor emphasized how important it is to join a group. The campus so large and the course offerings so various, the odds are stacked against you that you would even run in to the same person from class to class.
Sounds like last year's was a bust. Time to find another one.
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ABibleStudent
Welcome clycleng , College is a great time in your life to make new friends by opening your mind to discovery how other people think and exchanging ideas without appearing condescending. A good way to appear less condescending is to ask more questions of other people and give short answers when asked questions until you have formed a relationship with other people. Once people like you for who you are, then you can open up a little more about your feelings and beliefs.
How would you describe yourself? Are you an active, "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking), "Spiritually Weak" (still thinking), or inactive JW?
You may find many answers to your questions about making friends in college by reading Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasingt the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs), visit his website www.freedomofmind.com, or watch his videos. If you don't have a lot of time to do social research, I would recommend that you watch the following video by Steve Hassan: Strategic Interactive Approach explained 2003 (1:23:23).
Best of wishes making more friends in college and enjoying life.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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snare&racket
Toga toga toga toga!
make sure you are making the most of your opportunities, join clubs, join sports teams!
its funny but I read a, news article about visiting a kingdom hall and talking to JW's that was written this year, it said how JW's pour out their emotions, tell their life story to everyone, even if they just met them. Even I still work hard to not say too much. People get turned off by it, may e keep that in mind. Look at people you like and watch how much they talk about their personal/family life etc.
if you have told them you are a JW or believe in JW doctrine, be wesry as JW's are considered fundementalists by most people. The JW doctrines are so wild now and getting wilder ss the yesrs go by and society becomes more moral, more respectful. So keep that in mind if you have told them or discuss it alot.
As for being a girl and dealing with grouos od girls.....that is not my speciality :P
all the best with college, its a very important part of your life x
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Band on the Run
I found college very difficult socially. We were not taught social graces of the world in the KH. The Witness culture is not normal. You mentioned that you had many friends last year. This proves that you can sustain friendships. Circumstances matter. One campus can be more social than another one. I believe it is important to join clubs and service organizations. Most colleges have many opportunites to volunteer in the local community. The newspaper crowd was tight.
I commuted to college. Unfortunately, I attended school in the 1960s a few years after major student riots. The school buildings were seized. There was anti-Viet Nam fervor. Clubs did not seem relevant. Many of the traditional service groups simply stopped operating. Several frats shut their doors permanently. It seemed so cool at the time. Now I regret being robbed of the typical college experience. It took me several years before I had confidence to talk to people freely. No one in my family had ever attended college. I was planning to get a court order to finish school. My college years defined me. They were very much a time of transition away from the Witnesses. As much as I wanted to be normal, I did not feel normal inside.
As for cool, whenever any public tv station or film wants to show the turmoil of the 1960s, they show my campus and Berkeley. I cry so hard. Premeds and prelaws (prob. every student who went ahead for more education) did not know if graduation would take place. Now I identify with those students. I don't believe the war was resolved any sooner by the actions.
College is a limited type opportunity. It is normal to be a little afraid. Pick at least two student activities. In the long run, I learned as much from fellow students as from super star faculty members. Go to dances. View your social life as just as important as your class life. Life is a balance. YOu learn how to make chit chat and business conversation. Keep conversations on the light side until you know people better. Being able to socialize is important in business life. College gives you the opportunity to mess up and join back in without serious consequences. If you need help, tell the school. Also be aware that different schools have different cultures. It was so much easier to make friends in law school.
Women can be very catty to each other. We can also be supportive. I don't understand the dynamics. Avoid catty women. If they reject you, take it as high honor.
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jgnat
Avoid catty women. If they reject you, take it as high honor. - BOTR
I second that.
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Band on the Run
Is your school a Catholic one in name or is it also one that stresses Catholic dogma? I suspect that conservative Catholics might have prejudices against Jehovah's Witnesses. Frankly, I can't imagine the culture and life style without knowing how heavy the religion is promoted on campus. I am unclear why a former Witness would choose a Catholic university or college.
I do know that my secular universities had active Newman centers. Sometimes I would attend a lecture when invited This usually happened when I first started b/c I had not many friends. Every time I walked away slightly annoyed that I was not Catholic. They appeared to have camraderie in abundance.
Staying in your dorm is not the way to make friends. No one is going to come knock on your door and rescue you.
As I said, when I look back at the resources available for students, I could cry that I had to attend class and prepare.
The school should sponsor socials, film festivals, dances, perhaps an International House. We had several types of dances weekly. If you wanted the meat market, there was the meat market. Folk dancing was also popular.
There may be activities geared to your major or area of concentration. I majored in politcal science and we certainly had mass meetings and strikes. Finanical aid gave me opportuniites to work part-time, on or off campus, at nonprofits. These jobs gave me my first exposure to law. My first job was doing secretarial work for a housing rehab clinic, staffed by law and seminary students. I also interviewed inmates complaining of abuse by correctional officers. Similar opportunities should be available to you whatever your field is.
Student journalism is a way to meet faculty and other students. Several students active on the school newspaper went on to careers with the New York Times or broadcast journalism.
The difference between high school and college is that one is supposedly more mature in college. You should be thinking about and actively pursuing such oportunities to have fun now and build for a future career. Staying in the dorm should be a short term strategy. I don't believe there isn't a person alive who has not been rebuffed socially. Don't people please. Be yourself. Find a group with similar interests. You may have some problem with social skills b/c of the Witnesses. This board is full of people who picked up later in life and loved school. If you have trouble carving out a social life, seek help from the school.
The administration wants you to be happy. Happy alumni make pledges towards fund drives.
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quellycatface
snare&racket, I totally agree with that thought of telling people too much. I have to hold back these days. I tend to stick to current affairs, the weather or any good restaurants I've been to. Keep it general and light.
Have a good weekend everyone.