You put your right foot in...you put your left foot out... (page 3)

hokeypokey

Thanks everyone. This morning, knots are in my stomach. My world of absolutes is being threatened as I read and ponder on more information on my late night excursion on the web. I am suprised by how much I have suppressed and not questioned over the many years in the truth. Its such a strong sense of confusion and the unknown. I felt so safe in the truth all this time, I feel like pandora's box has been open, I want to close it so bad, but I cant. My biggest concern is how do I continue to navigate, my wife and children are my everything. Do I share what Ive learned with my wife? How about my children, do I want them to live this bubble. Everything is so raw and fresh. This is a process I guess with new twists every day. The changes of the understanding of the 'generations" over the years have been so subtle I barely noticed. How could these new truths right? Everything I have had in my belief system is up for question. My commute in my car to my office I just sobbed this morning. Scared, excited and angry. So many emotions.

FadeToBlack

Welcome. Take it slow-and-easy. I wouldn't say anything to the family yet. You need to get a grip on yourself first. Otherwise, when you first spill the beans it will all come out in a rush and they will think you are the spawn of Satan. There are lots of guys here in your same shoes (wife and children) and lots of good advice already dished out. Be prepared for more late nights. Don't gve up...

confusedandalone

hokeypokey - take it slow with family. I would first ask yourself a question, "Is my wife really firm in the truth?"

This is not as an insult, but have you ever noticed before she had questions? Has she ever seen the truth as a hindrance to anything? Does she see the rules as oppressive.

I always saw in my wife a slight tinge toward the "truth" being oppresive. As I learned things I would ask her opinion on things but not in a dogmatic fashion. Eventually I found an article that she was livid about as most women would be. We talked and it opened the door. Then alot of other things expanded the gap in the door. When I decided to leave she was a little shaky at first but within the week she understood and soon followed.

First however, TAKE YOUR TIME AND BE SURE THAT YOU ARE READY FOR THE CHANGE!!!"

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Welcome!

"Everything is so raw and fresh."

You are coming back to life. You have been imprisoned in a cramped, dark cell in a POW camp for a long time. You'd grown accustomed to the darkness, so the light of day seems overpowering. You were accumstomed to the slop that WT fed you and now the variety of choices in the outside world seems overwhelming. Your prison guards had told you that being in their prison was for your protection and that very soon you would be released in to a perfect world once they had killed everyone else. Now you're having to plan for a future outside of their empty promises. Getting out of that prison will be a shock to your entire system. Does that mean it's a bad thing and you should stay in WT prison? Indeed, the sooner you work your way toward freedom, the better.

"My biggest concern is how do I continue to navigate, my wife and children are my everything."

On the airplane, they advise you to make sure that you put your own oxygen mask on first, then you can help others. You are only at the stage of reaching for the mask and putting it on for yourself, so don't rush the process. Even as JWs teach, you need to start with your own "spirituality". As you learn TTATT, think about gentle ways that you can begin to "anti-witness" to your family.

It's not like armageddon is coming anytime soon... or ever, so I recommend resisting any urge to act rashly. Read, learn, think, then you'll be in a better frame of mind to proceed.

Did you see how I put a bunch of cheesy illustrations in there? Yeah. I haven't forgotten the WT way. LOL.

cookiemaster

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I'm not married but my parents, relatives, friends, pretty much everyone are JW's. I decided to take everything very slowly. I already see some of them beggining to quietly question some of the more stupid things promoted by WT. Our quest is long but totally worth it. I hope that eventually I will help get out as many as possible. I've started to stop believing the WT crap a few years ago. I think the more you educate yourself about what the WT really is the better it will be. Even though we were taught to think that JW's being a cult is completely ridiculous, in time you will notice more and more how true it is. This will empower you to make better decisions.

DesirousOfChange

My commute in my car to my office I just sobbed this morning. Scared, excited and angry. So many emotions.

Refer to my previous post (warning): It's an emotional rollercoaster!

As far as your family, DO NOT -- repeat DO NOT drop this bomb on her/them all at once. You will scare them shitless and they will immediately go into defense mode, and perhaps even seek "spiritual help" for you which will open another floodgate of problems.

My feelings were very similar to yours when I finally realized after much hesitation and delay that I could not continue to just ignore TTATT. My wife & I are best friends. She would be concerned for me and my feelings in regard to any dilema -- business; health; etc. There were some personal issues that were the "straw" for me -- things that forced me to realize there was NO Holy Spirit involved at ANY level of this religion. I had truly believed it all!

What helped her to see was that I ASKED FOR HER OPINION on things troubling me. This was not a planned method of persuasion. I would have loved to have found out that my thinking was wrong. Instead, she realized that what I was seeing & feeling & finding was all true. (TTATT) We discussed "But who else is preaching in all the Earth? and making disciples of all nations?" and "Where else would we go?" From many "worldly" friends we have in business and in our travels, we realized that many other people of other religions are just as sincere and earnest as Christians and in supporting missionaries worldwide, etc. They have just as much love for fellowman as any JW, and many are clearly better morally/ethically than JWs we (unfortunately) know.

There was also the lack of (unconditional) love, esp if you ask the wrong questions; the absence of any accountability with donations (it's a slush-fund at every level); 607, 1914, 1925, 1975 (we lived through the 1975 issue and it damaged our situation in life); blood fractions; UN membership; and on-and-on. Yes, it is a Pandora's Box. Soon, her blinders had fallen off too. Our children already had doubts (kids are much more internet savvy), but I had never realized to what degree. None of them are "believers" (now I understand why they are against kids getting a college education) although some are still "active".

Good luck.

PM me if you like. Remember, there are things you should be cautious about posting on a public message board.

Doc

Xanthippe

Welcome Hokey Pokey. It's going to be alright. Just slow down and take your time. I remember the knots in my stomach. We were taught to rush everything and never allowed to stop for a second to think. You have all the time in the world now. Take it easy and gradually make a plan of action. I'm sorry it's so painful

Captain Obvious

Welcome!

Take the others' here advice and take. It. Slow. You will be doing a lot of reading, a lot of thinking and not a lot of sleeping for the next few months.

And whatever you do... I can't be clear enough about this... Do NOT spill the beans to your wife yet. Or anyone for that matter. Figure your end out first. You will go through all of the regular phases of grief and she will be concerned.. Deflect for now. We read a lot of stories just like yours and mine here everyday. Of all of the success stories, it is most often the ones who are very careful and play the long game with their spouses who have much better chances. Personally I spilled the beans completely after about a month, and now 2.5 years later I've still not convinced my wife to get out with me. We are making progress for sure, but that ONE conversation set us back years. I can't stress this enough.

Also do all of the recommended reading. All of it. Self education is your best bet right now.

poppers

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it's worth reflecting on the death of A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON WHICH ALMOST WENT UNNOTICED last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "the Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. AND THEN THE TROUBLE STARTED.

''''''''''''

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

ABibleStudent

Hi hokeypokey, I'm sorry that your life has turned into an emotional rollercoaster for you. DITTO what others have recommended to not tell your wife what you feel and think about the WTBTS. Do more research about the WTBTS by visiting websites like www.jwfacts.com and researching what BITE control techniques that the WTBTS uses to victimize JWs by visiting www.freedomofmind.com before making any life altering decisions.

If you are not financially secure enough to talk with a cult-exit counselor, keep on posting on JWN to vent about your feelings and to ask for more detailed advice about helping your wfe and children to critically think for themselves.

Anything that you can do to encourage your children to make more non-JW friends and to play sports will help you and your wife to meet more non-JWs and to build-up your non-JW support network.

Best of wishes helping your JW family and friends to critically think for themselves.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

You put your right foot in...you put your left foot out...

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