What you are experiencing is normal. Like what everyone else here said, it will be an emotional rollercoaster.
Allow yourself to feel nervous, confused, disappointed, etc... but PLEASE DO NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS for now. Except us.
I was in your shoes a few months ago and I allowed myself to grieve and to be angry and to be sad..
Don't make any big decisions for now. Please be kind to yourself. Take care of your health.
Please believe us when we say that things will definitely get better.
Again, please do not share anything with your family or with ANYONE in the congregation.
Once your mind clears up, you will come to a better decision.
Warm regards from the Pacific.