by Jen1 21 Replies latest watchtower bible
Sorry you're being put through this.
With very few exceptions, we haven't attended meetings for well over a year and have only had the Elders stop by once. No calls. No hassle.
Look at it from a positive point of view. Evidently, they feel you're worth trying to "snatch out of the fire".
Be kind. Tell them thanks, but no thanks.
Doc
Hey there, Jen1,
I know that depression you speak of. For me it came about from feeling guilty and annoyed at myself for wanting to use my time in my own life. Finally I realized it is not wrong to want to use the time available in my life, for myself.
People who make you feel guilty and then use the hell out of you, do not deserve a second thought. An organization which uses mind control through pressure and rules and repetition and hides behind the Bible to use people to make money!
Don't feel guilty anymore, don't let them keep using your life. Once you take back your life you can begin to de-program and this forum is extremely helpful in that!
Marina
Dear Jen, you really need to be quite definate and positive in how you express yourself, preferably in writing to them. Tell them your depression is verging on the suicidal, and any contact from them in the form of a visit or a 'phone call willl make it worse.
Say that if they have any need to communicate with you , they must do so in writing only.
Thank them for their loving concern, and assure them that when you are well enough you will seek them out.
I would also advise getting help with your depression from your doctor and a therapist, if this is practical.
I have been through all that you describe, and believe me, once they leave you alone for good, which a firm letter like I have described should accomplish, then you start to get better, and every day from then on it just gets better.
Be strong, and Good Luck !
Jen 1:
I am a successful "fader" for at least thirteen years and I know the religion's meddling can cause unwanted stress.
Listen to the advice The Searcher gave you. Do not discuss personal business or feelings with them. The religion has systematically broken down people's personal boundaries for the express purpose of manipulating and using people. Most of the questions they ask are in the none-of-your business category that the rest of the world would never answer. They really overstep and pull this garbage with single women especially. But, they do it to anybody who will LET them. Just avoid them.
When you first set foot into a kingdom hall and they tell you the people there are your "brothers" This is so that you will trust them and open up.
Meanwhile, they are strangers who don't necessarily have your best interests at heart. In my opinion, the JW religion makes people so dysfunctional that they ignore their god-given instincts of self-preservation. Practice keeping your mouth shut. It is better for you.
bear in mind --i havent set foot inside a KH for more than 30 years---so my suggestion might not be the best--but it might work.
let the elders meet with you--with your husband as well if you both agree: then--tell them---
you have been badly hurt--stumbled--by hurtfull unfounded gossip in the congregation. BUT--you cant name names as its just hearsay and you cant prove who said it. In the meantime you just want to be left alone--to pray--meditate on the bible and the publications----and in due time--when you feel stronger--you will be in touch with them.
then--mark the date on your calendar---and see how long before they pester you again.
I like what Big Mac said.
I think it would allow a "fade" if that's what you hope to achieve.
Doc
I wouldnt mind if they tried to talk to me so that I can give them a piece of my mind. Sadly after not going to KH for 2 years ive only gotten one vmail lol
I will no longer be bullied. Looking forward to 2014. x
Well done Jen!
Jen,
I am sorry for how you feel. Depression is rough, and this shame and guilt over our indoctrination doesn't help. So here is my firm suggestion. You do....whatever will cause you the least amount of stress and possibly worsen your condition. So if meeting with them to hear them out so they can cross you off the list (make no mistake that is part of it), and then not have to hear from them for a while is something you can do.....why not.
If their presence will be hard for you (and it sounds like it will), or even worse, possibly get your husband going again....don't do it.
This is what you have to remember. You are under no obligation to meet with them. None. You don't have to explain yourself, all you have to do is be cordial. If some guy wants to sell you a water softener and you don't want one, you explain that you are not interested in his visit and you go about your day. if he gets pushy, you usually close the door even harder.
Elders are not used to being told no, so they don't know how to take it. Just tell them thank you but now is not a good time. You'll let them know when you are interested in a visit.
Heres a story. About 4 motnhs ago a CO and DO were visiting my former hall. The elders called me and asked if they could meet with me. I told them I didn't really think that was a good idea. They told me the CO AND DO wanted to come (they were new, and I was a high profile JW in my area), so I kind of caved. But then.....an opportunity for my business came up, and I was out of town that week. I thought to myself that any other person I had made an appoitnment with would understand this was too big to miss, and we could reschedule. The guys acted like I was betraying them or lying. For some reason......since then......I have not been contacted and nobody has tried to come and see me.
You see........the CO and DO left. And people have other crap to do. So it worked out well. Sometimes you weather that initial push, and its all good after that. Stand your ground.......be kind.
Hang in there Jen. Lots of nice people on this board will give you some great advice. We are here for you. Try to build a support group of friends outside the JW's if you can. If you need to talk to a therapist concerning your depression- please do so, it will help. Hang in there, we are here friend as a support
