Hi all- haven't posted much lately but I wanted to check in and give an update on my fade. All of the advice I've received here has been spot on so far! Thanks to all!
Phase I is complete- I'm completely inactive, no service or meetings in a few months. I've refused to discuss my reasons with anyone, so they've been left to their own conclusions- that I'm depressed, sick, materialistic, stumbled, or whatever other negative, judgmental reasons they can come up with. With the exception of a few letters, emails, voice mails- all with no follow up- I've been left alone by the congregation and elders. The biggest hurdle was my parents- after making it clear I'm not going to meetings anymore, I invited them over for a meal and they came! We've had moderate interaction since- they aren't shunning me, but are keeping their distance, which is ok.
So, on to phase II- getting my kids the heck out of Dodge while hopefully preserving our family intact! We are exploring moving far away- for my husband, this is merely an adventure, but for me, this is instrumental to our escape. As long as we are in the same area with family and friends, I'll always be looking over my shoulder and they will always be taking attendance at meetings and service. In a new area, with virtually no spiritual support, it will be much more likely that my husband will miss meetings, etc. We have job interviews and some promising possibilities, so I'm hopeful. My daughter is completely in cahoots with me- our goal is to be able to celebrate Christmas next year. But she understands daddy doesn't agree right now and we need to give him some time.
I've found a good therapist, which has been essential- she gets out the box of tissues for me each week and whatever I've been going through just gets out and I move on. It's not easy, but I wonder if every JW who wanted out just felt less trapped, maybe that would be the tipping point. Just stop running on the hamster wheel, refuse to play their game and just maybe you'll get your life back!