by Hummingbird001 40 Replies latest jw friends
Oh, very good point, Phizzy - the angry apostate is very much a WT invention. Perhaps I should have asked how to NOT stay in "victim mode" after leaving.
I keep telling my friend, "The WT may have screwed up the first 45 years of your life. Don't let them screw up the rest."
One of the things that helped me get over that initial anger stage was listening to self-help tapes. There are many out there and while this is not an endorsement, I found that the tapes from Brian Tracy very helpful.
He is very goal oriented and forces you to get rid of your past garbage. Apologize and move on. That is exactly what you described, Hummingbird.
I am not sure I could listen to the same tapes again and get the same value, but at the time they were critical to my development.
Some go from believing everything the WT says, to believing everything apostates say.
I noticed this as well. Some people go from being JW to Mormon too. If people are going to look for justification of how they "feel" then they will do it regardless of their belief system. I think you finally get over it when you can recognize good and bad in the same sentence, and hav empathy for the people still trapped inside.
Then again, many even most of them, like that "trapped" feeling. At the end of the day we are all just people. I understand anger and bitterness in some peoples instances with no problem. They lose their wife, job, family.......I get it. It may not be healthy, and I hope they find peace, but its not like their anger isn't justified.
I tend to be more frustrated than angry, but that just the stage I'm in.
Some go from believing everything the WT says, to believing everything apostates say.
I think it's slightly more than that.
When people leave the WTS they wrongly assume that everyone else who was once a member is somehow their new 'brother'.
But they are not. We simply have a shared past, a common experience even if not directly (more often a 'similar-ish' experience).
Many forget that some who used to be in the WTS were kicked out for legitimate and valid reasons. Not everyone who is against the WTS wants to help you. There are wolves in every community and people willing to take advantage of others hurt and vulnerability and especially anger as this can be used to subvert others to their bidding.
So don't just believe or trust someone because they are an exJW - it simply means they used to be a JW, nothing else about their character or motives.
i'm angry--and bitter--but not directly for myself.
my older son left the religion--and a born-in nutcase of a wife. he then formed a relationship with a very sensible lady--and ended up d/f'd. his mother--my first wife--promptly shunned him. he got married in september--i was invited to the wedding. his mother didnt attend.
so---once again--a family relationship is destroyed--by the cult.
I was relieved to learn the truth about the truth. Of course, I am deeply hurt because of lost friendships, regretful of being misled to making less than optimal life choices. Even Jesus got angry and there’s nothing wrong with that: thus, toward the Watchtower, not JWs, I have righteous indignation. Toward JWs as individuals I feel love.
It is my experience that many “apostates” endeavor to be as truthful and accurate as possible. There are a few who are otherwise, and some who live up to the stereotype. My interest is in winning hearts and minds and such people are not helping my cause.
toward the Watchtower, not JWs, I have righteous indignation. Toward JWs as individuals I feel love.
That's a great way of putting it.
I'm mad as box of frogs.I want everyone to know what the Borg is all about now.
This is interesting as I was going to start a thread on a similar topic. Just how do you let go? I know those little boxes people post on facebook about the path to happiness almost always contain a step about giving up anger and forgiving.
I think for people who still have family in it and former friends whom they still care about on some level, it’s very hard to totally close the door on your past. At least I have found it hard to do so. I’m also honestly baffled at how people can continue in this with all the new teachings especially the overlapping generations absurdity. I mean, it’s totally ridiculous – laughable – and yet so few seem to care. This makes me angry. Angry that this group can continue to get away with putting on airs while peddling this nonsense.
I’m also angry that there will forever be a part of me who thinks the world is about to end. It stresses me and makes me anxious. I just can’t seem to get rid of this feeling. Some of my earliest memories are of my father pointing to church steeples and telling me they were about to be destroyed. I’m thoroughly programmed in this regard. Many other aspects I have been able to jettison but the fear of a cataclysmic death remains.
I almost think that for me to achieve any sense of peace, I’ll need to accept that I’ll always have some residual anger and try to come to some form of acceptance over that.
I could work up a little anger I suppose, over rotten stuff that happened while I was in that religion. But, dammit, it was so long ago and I was so glad to escape, I don't want to waste any time being angry over it. I turned my back on it a long time ago and I like being a cheerful atheist.
