In Christian theology there is often a lot of talk about whether we are saved by faith or works, and what exactly those things mean. This thread is not exactly about that, instead it's about how JWs, in their inimitable style, somehow managed to create a doctrine that mixes the worst of both and caused me no end of internal conflict as a JW.
In JW doctrine, life is about an argument between Jehovah and Satan. Satan said that nobody follows Jehovah out of love, but only for what they can personally get out of it. Instead of telling Satan to eff off, Jehovah decided to take this challenge, and our salvation is now dependant on our ability to answer it. We are, as it were, Witnesses in a court case, offering evidence for Jehovah's side. Our reward for giving Jehovah the evidence he requires is eternal life.
The problem is that we prove this love by doing works, most importantly through the formal preaching work. If we don't preach, we can't be rewarded, but the reason we preach cannot be to get rewarded, but out of pure motive and love for Jehovah. You have to try to earn your salvation, without being allowed to try to earn your salvation!
As a JW I could not convince myself that I was preaching for love, as I hated this work with an unmatched passion. It was a burden, and if we love God, his commands are not supposed to be burdensome. No wonder I always felt guilty!
What were your experiences in this regard? Did you ever feel 'saved'?