Well my JW elder dad has lost his job...

by BU2B 62 Replies latest jw experiences

  • BU2B
    BU2B

    As a little background, my Dad became a JW in 1980 I think, went to Bethel, married my mom in 86' went back for another year and then I came along..

    He worked in the auto repair shop at Bethel while he was there, and upon leaving, continued working in this field. My whole life they have been the type of JW parents that tell you how you will never get to high school, never graduate it, never get married in this system, never have children in this system etc.

    I say this to illustrate the end is just around the corner attitude they have always had, probably because they fully bought/buy into the hype at the conventions/WT articles. My father has NO plan in place for retirement, and he is physically slowing down doing such hard laborious work. My Mom has not worked secularly in 30 years! She has been stay at home, and pioneering most of that time. I have no brothers and sisters I might add.

    His job has been slowing down for a year or two now, and has been getting sent home early due to lack of work. He has just been laid off and I feel terrible for them, but instead of looking for jobs they both are having this sit back and wait on Jehovah attitude. My dad keeps saying how now he will be able to go "in the ministry" more now.

    My mom has been talking to my wife, dropping hints about how nice it would be to move in with my family. Keep in mind my parents are UBER-HARDCORE JWs! I mean my mom gets up at 5:00 am everyday to do personal study, and meeting prep! I was raised where you never missed a meeting unless you were basically in the hospital, and never missed a week in FS! I on the other hand am slow fading, and trying to help my wife awaken and detatch from the cult mentality. I dont need them around the house leaving "loving reminders" and "encouragement", foiling what I am attempting to do!

    It irritates me so much that the WT has been telling people that the end is around the next corner! DOnt get a career, education, retirement since this system wond be here! Just like the 69' Awake said "YOU WILL NEED TO FACE THE FACT YOU WILL NOT GROW OLD IN THIS SYSTEM OF THINGS!" Lies lies lies. Then they expect the similiarly poor children to subsidize them.

    The thing is that they are not elderly, my mom has skill as a seamstress. Even if she got a medium paying job and my dad was on unemployment for a while until he could find work, they could make it. She would rather just continue with her pioneer lifestyle, hoping others take care of her needs. I feel bad that he lost his job, and I understand that it is hard to get back into the workforce afert 3 decades, but shouldnt looking for employment be the first thing she should be doing instead of trying to move in with her sons family? Also they could downsize, sell their home which has good value, and move into an economical apartment. Even the money from the sale would help them for a long while.

    The WT truly ruins lives. It is sad to see how many bought into the promise that they would never grow old sick, and as a result have no plan for what should be the best years of someones life.. Yet the WT keeps at it telling the next generation of dubbies the same load of BS.

    Your comments, thoughts are appreciated.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Can you get your wife on side that moving in with you is not an option? Once you two are agreed on a strategy, perhaps you could stage an "intervention". Your parents have to have realistic expectations.

  • caroline77
    caroline77

    Talk to your wife. That's the place to start. She may be in full agreement with you. You could quote Genesis 2 v 24.

  • Splash
    Splash

    (Pr 13:22) One who is good will leave an inheritance to sons of sons.

    (Pr 19:14) The inheritance from fathers is a house and wealth.

    (Ps 34:10) But as for those seeking Jehovah, they will not lack anything good.

    (2Co 12:14) for the children ought not to lay up for [their] parents, but the parents for [their] children.

    *** w04 9/1 p. 26 What Inheritance Do You Owe Your Children? ***
    It is not only natural but also Scriptural for Christian parents to make provisions for their children. The apostle Paul told Christians in his day: “Parents should make provision for their children, not children for their parents.” (2 Corinthians 12:14, The New English Bible)

    Seems that they are choosing to lean on Jehovah, so I'd let them.
    Otherwise they could get jobs as you mentioned, or sell up and downsize to buy some more time.

    Parents or not, their chosen lifestyle should not dictate how you enjoy your own home/family life.

    Say you'll help them find jobs if they need extra money, since that's the way it works for everyone in the western world.

    Splash.

  • Phizzy
    Phizzy

    I recently had to be honest with Mrs Phizzy, and say that I simply could not put up with a certain relative even staying in our home for just a few days. She was about to invite said pain in the arse, sorry ,person.

    She didn't like me for about two minutes, but she appreciated my honesty.

    I would think your wife will be mightily relieved if you tell her that no way are your parents moving in.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Hubby's (non-JW, Hungarian) parents had the same ambitions. It took me two seconds to decide I could not share my kitchen with any woman.

  • dazed but not confused
    dazed but not confused

    Stressful. I love my mom but more than a 3 day visit and I’m pulling my hair out.

    They sound like they have options even if they don’t want to see it that way. Your mom may have to find a job and your dad could find work with other “brothers” couldn’t he?

    I would take in my mom if I had to; she is on disability and hasn’t worked since I was 4 or 5. She is fine where she is, but it could be necessary in the future to take her in.

    Your parents may be looking for the easiest solution which may be, to them, move in with you. You might need to subtly but firmly recommend selling the house and both finding jobs. If it becomes necessary, set a limit 2-3 months? on how long they can stay… if it comes to that. I feel for you. This will not be an easy situation unless your dad gets a good job and quick.

  • BU2B
    BU2B

    Thanks for all the comments guys and gals. I just wanted to add that my wife is completely on my side in this, we both agree there is no way this would work out, especially without them truly exhausting all of their options first.

  • LongHairGal
    LongHairGal

    BU2B:

    I am sorry your dad lost his job, but, it sounds as if he doesn't care all that much because he expects (hint, hint) for his children to take them in. No offense to you, but I was not a born-in but came in as a young adult who works full-time and I had to listen to stupid remarks about materialism from pioneers who never wanted to be part of the workforce.

    I was positively appalled at the attitude you describe; "She would rather just continue with her pioneer lifestyle, hoping others take care of her needs" .

    This attitude, in my experience, was typical of too many pioneers and even certain other irresponsible JWs in the religion. Know what? I never gave money to these people and I am glad I am not in the religion now listening to all their hard luck stories.

    I know they are your parents and you love them, but it is UP to you and what your sanity and health will tolerate. JGNAT's advice in her first post is very good.

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Hi BU2B, DITTO what other posters wrote about talk with your wife. They are your parents, so your wife may be thinking that you need to take the lead and either nix the idea of them staying with your family or agree to it. Does your wife like your parents? What would bother your wife if your parents moved in with you?

    Do what you need to do to help your wife to critically think for herself.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

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