by BU2B 62 Replies latest jw experiences
Ugh! I feel for the OP. I see my JW parents getting up in years and they most certainly don't have money for retirement. My Dad has his own business, but it's not doing all that well; Mom has been unemployed for years and only recently began to work menial jobs (cleaning buildings and assisting elderly persons still living in their homes). Their house is in foreclosure and I don't know if they'll be able to fight it off.
I'm deliberately purchasing a place that has no room for them to move in!
Well they will have to not mind living with a raving mentally diseased apostate. CoC and ISoCF will be the coffee table books, JWN will be the homepage on all computers, and heck I may even fly an American Flag outside, along with a wind chime!
Blood sausage will be on the menu for dinner as well. heh heh
You are in a tough position. I feel for you. I am going to try to look at this from a tiny different perspectiv then the other posters.
JWs teach to turn their backs on non-JWs, completely turn. Others are watching you, and this could be your own children. I firmly believe that we reap what we sow. How you treat your parents is going to reflect on how you are treated in old age by your own. I am not trying to guilt you, but shunning is a learned behaviour (or, an excuse on how to act).
Your parents zealousness might be a result of another strong need. For me, both my parents were JWs. They were both severely abused in childhood. JWs offered an idealistic escape of the perfect life. For me to take that hope away from them, would be to destroy them. I see their JW involvement as a comfort.
That being said, I think now is the time for everyone to put their cards on the table. I think you and your wife have to first have a discussion (or two) about the situation. Does your parents know how you really feel about the WTS? I encourage you to tell them as gently as possible, and without breaking their own illusion of the Truth. If you kept this away from them, it would harm them should they move into your house. If you honestly tell them that you no longer support Jehovah's Organization, then they might decide it's best to not move into your house....rather than you barring them. Again, support your own viewpoint, set boundaries, and support their right to worship Jehovah by informing them that they would be living with someone who doesn't wholly support Jehovah's Organization.
The nuts and bolts of losing a job. To get unemployment benefits, your dad has to apply. In most states, you have to be actively looking for work. I've seen benefits be denied because the person said, "Oh, I'm taking a few weeks off" or "I was sick and couldn't look for work" or "I decided to go to school and work part time." What your dad tells unemployment could hurt him badly. He needs to read up on what to say. If your dad has physical or mental limitations that might prevent him from working, then he needs to get a doctor's evaluation as to whether or not he'd qualify for social security disability. It's easier to get the closer one is to retirement. He needs to apply for food stamp assistance, and whatever else the government offers in the meantime. He's paid for these benefits through his many years of working. Now, may also be the time to sell his house. Markets are up and banks are super willing to "short sale" a house especially if the breadwinner has lost his job and/or must get a job elsewhere. Talk to a real estate agent/attorney in your area. I would give him this information all under the guise of supporting his and your mom's right to independence.
Is there any different area your father could go in? How about working in a car parts shop? I know that one car parts shop was looking to sell a store, and offered to work with any potential new owner becuase the original franchisee had died. Something like this could be a great opportunity for your mom and dad. Again, support his independence by giving him ideas and alternatives.
It sounds like your mom has stunted her own growth. There are JW women who do participate outside the house. She hasn't had to do so for so long, and getting back into the workforce is super hard for these women. Perhaps your wife has some ideas on how to talk with her?
I don't know how much your familly can take on, financially and emotionally. Whatever you decide, you have to be upfront with your parents. And, they need to be upfront with you. I'm sure you don't want them living out of their car or going hungry. I knew a sister who did just that, becuase she was too proud to call her son who was no longer in the Truth. She tried to commit suicide, and went to the State mental hospital. But, if they do eventually move in with you, you are going to have to set firm boundaries.
Skeeter
BU2B, I tried all of that. It ended badly. Save your kids man. Give them freedom. Show them the world. Have really high expectations and cherrish them to no end.
This is a sad situation.
The GB takes no responsibility for the plight of JWs who relied on their false prophecies.
Even worse, most of those JWs still believe and obey the GB without question.
I think it would be unfair of them to expect you to take them in under these circumstances. As a parent, the last thing I want to do is be a burden on my kids. It would be one thing if they were too sick or old to help themselves but to expect you to foot the bill while they choose not to have an income is too much to expect.
There is a scripture at Thessalonians 3:10 that says basically that if you don't work....you don't eat. By Pioneering, they are choosing not to spend their time engaging in income generating work and should not expect others to suport them. In my area, in order to obey Cesar's law, one who is receving unemployment benefits must be actively persuing employment and is not allowed to turn down suitable work.
Once you let them move in, it would be difficult to get them out without a huge family blowout. If they have their own home, it's likely they could stay there less expensively than it would be to rent an apartment. Maybe they should look for another Pioneer couple or Border to move in with them and they can charge rent.
Unless they live under a rock, have they not seen what has happened to succesive generations of JWs who reach retirement? Have they not observed how financially limited these ones are?
It took me some time after I was out to realize this. There is no way that anyone could spend 20 years in this religious movement and not be aware of the disappointment of the previous generation. Even if I had never read a single line of "apostate" material I would have first-hand knowledge of the many changes in the "generation" doctrine. I would remember the Knowledge book campaign of the late 90s when 6-month bible studies were encouraged given the fact that the remaining time was so short. If I had chosen to remain a Witness, it would be because I willfully ignored evidence that was right in front of my nose.
You really can't go more than a 20 year period in the religion without encountering a major disappointment or rewrite of their eschatology.
2 Cor 12:14 Look! This is the third time I am ready to come to you, and I will not become a burden. For I am seeking, not your possessions, + but you; for the children+ are not expected to save up for their parents , but the parents for their children .
It's their Christian obligation to support their children. It's not the children's obligation to support the parents.
Billy, I cannot recall every thinking about that Scripture. BU2B, that really is a great scripture to show if they start trying to guilt trip you into providing for them.
You have no obligation to look after them, and even less since they will be pursuing a lifestyle that you do not support. You wouldn't give them money if you knew they were going to use it gambling, it is the same that they want to use it support of lifestyle of preaching something you do not agree with. Don't feel guilted into providing for them.
This is a good test of your fade. Remember, if you get disfellowshipped they will stop talking to you overnight. They love the religion more than you. Don't give them money to grow that religion.
Your Dad now has a golden opportunity to pioneer during the closing days of this system of things.
Long, long ago (1960s, 1970s) there was a FINE article in the AWAKE! about how God's servants could support themselves by growing CUCUMBERS.
I'll bet that advice is as good today as it was when the ink was still wet!
As a grateful child, you can gift your parents with a REALLY GOOD hoe.
