Consequences of the cult? FEAR and PASSIVITY - anything else?

by BluePill2 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • BluePill2
    BluePill2

    Depending how long you where a member or if you where a born in, the Watchtower leaves certain marks or traces in your mind that you only notice AFTER leaving them for good.

    I think this is similar to a big river, with a high level of water that covers the hidden rocks and cliffs. Once you start lowering the water level, all these rocks come to the surface and suddenly that river is difficult to navigate.

    Like that river, our minds are flooded with false hope for the future, a naive expectation to have Jehovah sort things out for you and lots of fake, conditional Love and warmth. All these things hide the fact that the same Organization also put some heavy rocks into your mind called FEAR and PASSIVITY. I am not in a mission to blame my Witness past for all things that went wrong in my Life, some things where good, some normal and some very particular to being a member in a high control group.

    I don't know if you experienced the same as I have in terms of noting a higher degree of fear after you left the group. I am fearful to address problems, to face them "eye-to-eye" and as a result have lost business and personal relationships. I avoid problems like the plague, I become anxious and my problems become worse. The other day I sat down and started thinking why I am who I am and remembered a few things.

    The Society instilled FEAR in me. Fear of governments, fear of persecution, fear to say something that Satan could overhear. I was 12 and very quiet. I learned that Satan could overhear your words and use them against you, but not your thoughts, so I wanted to trick him and speak as few words as possible. I refused to talk about my inner feelings to ANYBODY, kept everything to myself, swallowing like a good soldier for the Lord. Ridiculous, I know. My mother teached us that we have to endure cold, hunger and pain because we might get thrown into a concentration camp and tortured. I raised up in Germany and spent a good amount of time with the "old timers" to hear all these stories about the concentration camps, read about anything I could get my hands on and wanted to "be ready".

    Now I left, but the structures of fear are still there. Operating, without reason, but still in place sabotaging my Life at every turn. I notice that fear creaping in, the anxiety that follows and have just no reason for that.

    The same thing about PASSIVITY. Jehovahs Witnesses must be some of the most stubborn, passive people on earth. We had big problems as my father left my mother because he couldn't bear "the Truth" anymore. The financial hardships where met by Prayer and waiting on Jehovah. "No, you don't fix things by yourself! That is being proud and walking ahead of Jehovah." You WAIT. How many times did I hear to WAIT, WAIT,.....wait for some miraculous help that never came, wait for Armageddon, wait for this and that.

    Just some FRIGGIN WAITING. Never taking action and fixing things. I hate that attitude in me.

    I was soooo convinced that this is how God works that one day I left home without enough gas in my tank. I was a dirt poor regular pioneer and didn't had enough money to fill my car for field service. Nonetheless I left to a remote territory without money, without gas. That is the stuff that gets told in Circuit assemblies. I thought: God will help me. I ended up on a remote road, WITHOUT gas until night. Had to beg a stranger for some help to get my sorry ass back. Thought that God would send an angel down to Shell to fix my problem.

    All that is still within me. I know it. I notice it EVERYDAY and sometimes don't know how to get rid of that mentality.

    How is your experience? Is this just crazy me? Do you have any other traces of the cult in your mind? Would love to hear if this is a general problem or just me. Thank you for reading. Wanted to discuss this for a long time.

  • hoser
    hoser

    A lot of what you say Rings true with me. I am a procrastinator when it comes to making decisions. It is more of a fear. Fear of being criticized. This is my jw legacy. many times I would bring up things in the congregation to improve the way things were done. Many times I was shot down openly criticized. This is why I have such a hard time making decisions.

  • Alligator Wisdom
    Alligator Wisdom

    You are not alone in feeling such.

    But the fact that you recognize it will do wonders in your recovery. You said that you "noticed" it everyday. Thus, you are no longer a slave, but have the opportunity to control your life and much of its outcome.

    Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)

  • outforever
    outforever

    Also you do not want to do or say the wrong thing - because you have been taught one thing but your mind and heart says another - so one feels guilt as well.

    This takes time - time - time that is the only thing that will heal - also (in my case) one believes that their is no god. It is only you and you alone - that can help yourself - along with this thought comes a whole new dimension and FREEDOM.

  • flipper
    flipper

    BLUE PILL- Excellent thread . Thanks for opening up and bearing your soul to us. You are not alone. After exiting 10 years ago from being a born-in JW from birth and leaving at age 44 - I had to overcome the fears and guilt that the WT Society instilled in me as well. Within a few years I overcame the fear and guilt- basically by reading Steve Hassans books on mind control, Ray Franz's books , and other VERY valuable books like 1984. It taught me the tactics of high control organizations and cults which look to suck the life and any brain cells of free thinking out of their members. So I've regained my confidence over the years- no more problems with any guilt or fear. The problem that I DO have still though is being somewhat oversensitive about being told what to do or feeling that people are trying to control me - when in fact they may not be. Sometimes it even affects even my marital relationship in that I don't like my wife trying to " boss " me around or tell me what to do and I mistakenly feel she's trying to " control " me. I feel it's an over compensation for having been controlled by the WT Society for years and I get somewhat oversensitive about being told what to do, or how to think sometimes. It doesn't happen all the time, I'm a pretty easygoing guy to get along with- but I realize that I'm having to learn to accept suggestions, advice, and recommendations from either my wife, my adult son, or whomever has really good advice if they are friends and be more open minded and accepting. It has occured to me that I'm this way due to the lack of trust I experienced being taken advantage of and controlled by WT and JW authority figures ( including my elder dad ) so I continually work very hard on myself to be really more open to suggestions from my wife, my son, and anybody else who is trying to lend a helping hand. Being in the cult didn't take away my confidence- if anything it has made me somewhat TOO confident where I rely only on myself too much and I have learned and I'm still learning how to delegate and allow others to assist me with their friendships and love in my life. What's the old expression ? " Once bitten, twice shy ? " I guess sometimes it's how you might describe what goes on inside myself personally. But I'm doin' better. It's just an ongoing process for me as I get older. Anybody else experiencing what I do ? Great thread Blue Pill, really needed I feel

  • Goldiver
    Goldiver

    I know exactly how you feel, it is all part of thier thought control process and it works. Like another said, you are recognizing these feelings and where they stem from. You are in the healing process and it takes time, it may take alot of time but by seeing it for what it is you are making positive steps forward. All who have left deal with this to some extent and I am confident you can overcome it.

  • adamah
    adamah

    Yup, and that fear (and abuse of the power it gives others) is not exclusive to JWs, but stems from the source, the Bible. Yes, there's good in there (eg the golden rule), but there's also a bald-faced appeal to authority which allows much abuse.

    Believers looking to cling to the Bible will vehemently deny the horrific elements and plots found inside, but to use a classic JW analogy: "would you drink a glass of water that contained only a LITTLE poison?"

    Adam

  • jeff spreng
    jeff spreng

    Wow, I thought this site was for fellow witnesses to get together for fellowship. I now realize this site is for disgruntled witnesses or ex witnesses. I don't really mean that. I am 48 and I have been thinking about rejoining. I guess I was looking for some support. I must admit that I am shocked to read all of these things. Or am I. Is there any true place for good people that has not been ruined with the same filth I see in the world. I am tired of being alone in my desire to do good. Is there any passion and intelligence. I know this is poorly written, so maybe when I calm down I can share my horrific story. I was hoping to do something positive with all the negative that has been put on me.

  • adamah
    adamah

    Jeff spreng said-

    Is there any true place for good people that has not been ruined with the same filth I see in the world. I am tired of being alone in my desire to do good. Is there any passion and intelligence. I know this is poorly written, so maybe when I calm down I can share my horrific story. I was hoping to do something positive with all the negative that has been put on me.

    Glad to hear that: do you really mean it? If so, then what's holding you back from doing something to help others (without any strings attached) RIGHT NOW?

    Look up and find a local charitable humanitarian organization (eg Habitat for Humanity, feed the poor/homeless, etc) and get started. Unlike the JWs, such organizations don't come knocking on YOUR door, since YOU have to show up and volunteer...

    Adam

  • BluePill2
    BluePill2

    Thank you all for your input. Again and again this community shows good heart and to be of wonderful help (at least to me).

    Flipper, that is interesting that you don't like if people "boss" you around. I think that our brain learns from past mistakes, corrects and in the process might overcompensate and go to another extreme.

    I am really not blaiming the Watchtower (although as someone wrote me in a PM, the GB will have to answer for a lot of things), but just trying to understand what they have done with my mind. I could have been raised in a fanatical football fan family and then I would be here dealing with some other shit in my mind. It is just that the Watchtower creates a certain pattern of thinking that goes against what is natural and makes you a complete Loser in human society. Almost anti-social and parasitic as you don't take part and share with others. My girlfriend says that she observes in me traits that foreigners show if they are in a unknown country, only that we have them towards EVERYBODY. The whole planet is foreign to a Witness.

    I started reading Eckhart Tolles book "In the Power of Now" and as Flipper said, I am not accepting all the advice (being on the defensive, looking for the "hook") but at least the advice to be more aware of yourself and the present moment is helping me to gain a calm mind and more peace. Observing my own thoughts and seeing them as "objects" helps me to detach a bit and to start understanding and accepting things. I hope to get more insight from the book and my own thoughts and this good and helpful community.

    Jeff Spreng: friend, I don't know you and I don't know what you where looking for on this forum. I hope you will find whatever you are looking for. I think this site is open to present witnesses, ex-witnesses, happy ex-witnesses, disgruntled present witnesses or disgruntled ex-witnesses. THAT is exactly the beauty of freedom of expression. This site is NOT JW.org or your local congregation where you think that everything is sanitized and the only filth is the dust laying on old Watchtower volumes, but at least here you can express yourself, unlike at the local KH. What is it that you where looking for? If you visited the Internet in the search for ____________(whatever) it means that you couldn't find the answer with the friendly body of elders (and they might be friendly or not, don't know). Anyway, welcome friend. Open your heart. Be brave and let us hear and help each other.

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