Double Edge,
I don't think it's a particularly negative thing at all to be unmoved by this type of story. It's a little too touchedbyanangelhallmarkhalloffame sentimental for me. I like my heroes flawed, I like my stories to be gritty and I like being left to chew on something other than the PAXnetwork version of palatable reality.
Don't get me wrong- I will sometimes surprise myself by getting misty-eyed over some pretty awful pap. It's not as if I don't understand where this story is going.- don't judge a book by it's cover, listen to god, reach out to others, admire noble people because they come in "strange" packages....and so forth.
It just doesn't move me. Not a whit.
You know what would make this story more interesting to me? I want to know about how bad this man smells, how his teeth are rotting out and how it's difficult to even sit near him, let alone hug him. He's homeless, darn it! His skins probably bad, his teeth pretty well a lost cause and he's more than likely hygenically challenged. And you know what? And he sounds like he might be a little bit crazy. too. Now, if our narrator thought so- that'd be interesting.
If he weren't a carebear version of a homeless guy, I might be moved! Heck, I'd like it if he were downright ornery to boot.
Let's throw in some irony... howsabout guy who took extended lunch loses his job due to his slacking off? Now his faith is really tested. Here he was being a good guy and he loses his job? Or, what if the homeless man stole his wallet- now that'd be interesting! Still predictable, mind you, but heading in the right direction as far as twists go.
Maybe the homeless man gets hit by a truck and dies. Several years later our narrator passes the very same homeless man in another city- give it sort of urban legend twist. That'd be interesting (though equally predictable).
The problem I have with the story is that it's easy. It's very tidy and life isn't that tidy. At least, not usually. And if it were, it really wouldn't be that interesting, would it? I don't like my epiphanies pre-packaged.
There's nothing inherently wrong with the story, it just doesn't speak to me. And I have no problem with it speaking to someone else. Like I said, I've choked up over some pretty cheesy stuff in my day so I really ought not be casting any stones in that area.
If it works for you, then great! It's not my personal taste, but I do appreciate Borgfree's offering it up. And I can always use a reminder to be compassionate.
