by RottenRiley 28 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
I agree I don't care about this chicken shit religion and whether the people I used to know speak to me or not, but..........
I would have liked my mother to have taken an interest when my baby was born and in the years after that as she grew.
I would have liked to be able to talk to my sisters about women's stuff.
I would have liked to see my nephews grow up.
This'shunning' is a two way street. Hm serious shunners when they become old or suddenly unemployed/disabled get any help for the wts? Zero! No they often return to family they have shunned who are then in a position to say "go away from me i never knew you."
peace
Not every person can just turn their emotions off like a faucet and be happy about never seeing loved family and friends again. Just because you knew it would happen doesn't make the pain any less.
Yeah, I get what you're saying, OP.
The only way to engage in the shunning game is to just refuse to play it altogether, i.e. the JWs are trying to shame you, but giving them feedback (by getting emotional and visibly upset) only gives them the confirmation they're seeking that social ostracism is having it's intended effect.
Cofty has suggested writing a calm factual letter to relatives who are shunning (who live apart), explaining that you won't be returning NO WAY, NO HOW, and they're only harming themselves in the long run by shunning. THEY are the ones who are being controlled by others, not you. And sure, many will vent at first, but eventually they figure it out on their own, since we don't HAVE to feel any way, since the way we react to others is OUR choice; reliquishing that power to others allows them to control.
Ex-JWs should be 'bigger' people than them, since as the old saying goes, "Living well is the best revenge" (plus it's not simply throwing good money after bad, i.e. wasting MORE of the precious time you have left remaining in one's life by seeking out ways to exact revenge).
I wrote an article on the topic, looking at social psychologist Stanley Milgram's work which points out JWs who shun are only harming themselves, but only they can choose to extract themselves from the authoritarian system in which they're trapped:
In answer to the OP, as far as being shunned by a random JW, it matters little. But it hurts being shunned by people we love, both family and close friends. The most important thing in life is relationships. As a JW, many did what they were unduly influenced to do and only formed connections with other JWs. When a person exits the Watchtower, all those relationships that were built over a lifetime vanish overnight, and they have to start from scratch.
It is not an enemy who taunts me—
I could bear that.
It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—
I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—my equal,
my companion and close friend. Psalm 55:12,13
I believe shunning is a form of torture........your feelings get a lot more then just hurt if you've been subjected to having your JW identity ripped away along with family and friends.
The JW'S shun not out of love and not always because they want to keep the congregation 'clean' but out of a fixation to control and dominate the individual.
I don't agree with the whole 'you knew it was coming when you became an apostate so don't complain about it now' argument. As someone has pointed out on here previously it is like a husband sayingto his wife 'if you leave I will hit you' and then saying the wife shouldn't complain when he beats her senseless after she leaves him. Shunning is a form of bullying and all those on here who are being shunned are the victims of that bullying and the fact that they would have known it would happen to them does not make it any less hurtful. I am sure that event hoguh a rational part of the brain knows that Witness love is conditional love, experiencing that as a reality woudl still be incredibly painful. I saw my wife suffer through 5 years of being Df'd. It is psychologically damaging.
You question on why are many upset, especially elders/ elders wives who were shunners themselves upset when it happens to them. I am answering in a broad sense which will mostly cover many here.
The WT teaches that apostes and those who leave the religion fully believe in God and they fully know that JW's are the true religion, but that they side with satan and want to tear down those inside and take them into destruction with them. Pretty much the same thing as they teach about satan and the demons. That a person who really wants to do the right thing and serve God would never leave them.
So when those people learn that the WT is teaching lies, they don't have special insight from GOd and all their teachings and policy's are from whoever happens to be on the GB and their personal viewpoints, they are trying to do the right thing, then when they get shunned and attacked for that, they find out that it was all lies about those who leave, that the GB are apostates.
Like Fazzled said...."Shunning is a form of BULLYING." Nobody wants to be bullied.
RottenRiley,
Like your moniker, I think your attitude is a bit rotten. You obviously lack empathy outside of your own experience.
For born-ins like me, the point is that I DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD HAPPEN! I didn't see it coming. How could I? I was a child, literally, believing hook line and sinker everything taught me about the so-called spiritual paradise from my parents and the elders my parents obeyed.
It's not even just about family shunning either, it's about friends you thought you were building a life with that shun as well. How does a six year old understand what a cult is and that their friends aren't "true"? When does that begin to dawn on them? At 15? 30? 50?
If you didn't have the experience of being shocked by the lies and unfaithfulness of it all, good for you. But others have. Not having sympathy for people that jump of off bridges because their world collapses beneath them is simply heartless.
I hope you reconsider.
Brock Talon
