She does not want this since I am known to be in opposition to the WTBTS.
Who made this "known"? She, your dad, brother, other JWs stirring the rumor mill? If I remember correctly, the local elders were leaving you alone. They were the ones forcing the local elder's hand on this to get the ball rolling. It's not like you were out actively waging war against the WBTS, picketing in front of the KH. Just because you don't agree with something doesn't mean you are in opposition to it.
As a pioneer what type of examnple would she be setting if she decides to go against the rules that we have in place?
What rules? You are not DF/DA or marked! Anything else is a result of their own personal judgments. Which is not their place! If you were really a threat to the WTBTS, they or Jehovah would've made sure that you were DF by now. So where did she get these rules? Is it in the elders handbook? Do they relate to family? If so, doesn't she owe it to herself and grand kids to see them for herself?
CAA, things like this should be addressed when she makes these type statements, in the most mild, respectful way possible. Not because you really want the answer or to press the issue, but to trigger some cognitive dissonance in her. They walk around on their high horse like they have no part in this. They should not be able to live guilt free shifting everything on you. Although they will, it should not be easy for them. They raised you in this religion and wouldn't allow you to leave in a dignified manner. Now they're going to most likely blame you for keeping their grand kids away. They can't have it both ways And not share the blame.
I'm so sorry what you and your family are going through and how this religion does tears them apart.