What are you doing on Valentine's? I was invited to a party... er... a JC

by ILoveTTATT 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • tiki
    tiki

    if you have truly freed yourself from that religion, you must realize that they hold absolutely no power or authority over you. if someone wants to sit down with you as a friend and peer and discuss differences of opinion and you feel comfortable with that, then go for it....but a set "meeting" with an obviously prepared agenda simply holds no validity. they like to make people feel that they owe them explanations, but the reality is that we answer as individuals to ourselves and to our god (for those of us who believe in a supreme deity)....there is no need to postpone - simply state that it is unnecessary and an exercise in futility on their part.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    Do you have to give a reason? It is not convenient for you on that day. After all, it is Valentine's Day. You will be too busy being romanced.

    I don't know why but I feel tears for you. There reasons are so vague. I am so glad my parents always instilled in me to never trust another JW. Family JWs could be trusted with anything not JW doctrine. I could have been rejected by age five.

    We faded. I could not stand the lies about the horrible world and wonderful WT. My tummy used to go in spasm b/c I did not want to lose my grandmother or aunt. They never stopped talking to me. I could not believe it b/c they were so ardent. My grandmother celebrated Chrismas with us. I would look at her and wonder if i was hallucinating.

  • d
    d

    On valentines day I am just relaxing.

  • St George of England
    St George of England

    Do you actually need to reply?

    Someone in my congregation has simply ignored all such invitations and the elders have given up on him.

    Once you reply, you are playing the game under their control.

    George

  • blondie
    blondie

    Except for grade school, the first valentine and flowers I got were from my now husband. I felt special and cared for. His loving kindnesses convinced me to marry him and to reject the elders suggestion that I drop him. Elders who had not called on me when I was depressed, who dropped by unannounced and couldn't understand why I wasn't prepared to invite them in and then did it again.

    It was the lack of love demonstrated by those in the congregation that convinced me they did not have God's backing as a group.

  • Oubliette
    Oubliette

    ILoveTTATT: I was trying to tell her hints about how she was being controlled (by watching the Truman Show) ... she went the next day to the elders...

    Wow, your own mother threw you under the bus.

    Nothing quite screams "cult!" like behavior such as this.

    If you are DF'd you should thank your mother and make sure that she knows in no uncertain terms that she was the "Second Witness" that led to your disfellowshipping.

    You should also point out that by going to the elders she proved your point about "how she was being controlled."

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Hi ILoveTTATT, Ask them if they have your publisher card. If they do not possess your publisher card how can they hold a JC about you, because they cannot prove you were dunked?

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • ILoveTTATT
    ILoveTTATT

    So... It's been a complicated week. I just want things to be over with... I want to go and hang out with my parents and just spend some time with them... I will not be blackmailed into living a lie. My dad would like me to see if there are ways in which I can avoid having the family break up, but it's two passionate people (my mom and I) who have diametrically opposed viewpoints. The thing is, I know I am right in exiting the cult, my mom believes she is right by staying.

    I just want to be out officially. That way, I can tell my soon-to-be-not-friends why and possibly help them. THEN I will have nothing to lose, and you know what they say about picking a fight with someone who's got nothing to lose...

  • Antioch
    Antioch

    I remember when I broke the news to my parents that the elders were going to disfellowship me (after having faded for years). I told them in a matter of fact way about what the elders had chosen. That their grounds were crap (making out with a JW girl [the heart made me dumb] and not being active). After informing my parents that the elders were going to disfellowship me, I did not know how to broach the topic of their choices because I had not thought ahead.

    I should have asked them straightforward AHEAD OF TIME what they would do if I was disfellowshipped! Instead, when it happened, I felt powerless like their decision and the elder's decision was monolithic (one and the same).

    On the one hand, I was happy the JWs had taken the last thing they could from me (my family) so that their bullying was over and I could live a public life of freedom without worrying they would see me and take away my family. On the other, I lost my family. It was a tacit and strained relationship, but it was still my family.

    Get your family to think about their choices ahead of time when their mind is not in crisis mode. Maybe it will break their chains.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    All right, my passionate man. The reading I have been doing lately on motivation, leads me to believe the way you reach an emotional being is to come alongside, friendly, and offer a nudge in the direction that is helpful.

    As soon as you put on your boxing gloves, it's a whole other game and your opponent will fight you every step of the way. She may even declare herself the victor no matter what you say.

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