Argument with my Child "Why did I stay in the Organization so long?" Anger and Bitter Feelings. (page 3)

besty

he is angry becasue he perceives 80% of his life has been wasted.

OUTLAW

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jgnat

Good point, besty, LOL. The proportion will diminish over time.

RottenRiley, my daughter emoted all over me at that age, too. I couldn't say anything right. It comes from insecurity, really realizing they are in the adult world now, and there might not be a safety net. They calm down and really come in to their own in their late twenties. That was my favorite time, watching my adult children grow in to their maturity.

Once your son has lived through a few unforgivable things, he'll be more forgiving of others.

AnneB

How doI go about explaining i was truly tricked by the Cult. How would you explain the Cult had us throughly tricked?

Simple. You tell the truth, that you were innocent, that you couldn't conceive of a people operating in God's name yet doing all the unloving, unjust, unmerciful things that JW's routinely do. Tell how long it takes, even in the face of direct evidence, to even begin to believe that something was monstrously wrong, longer to believe that it was happening to you and to people that you knew, and even longer to figure out how to break free from its grip. Talk about how delicate it is to extricate oneself and how much more so when family and friends have also been deceived.

Make sure to define innocence correctly: as not guilty of a crime or offense, as not responsible for or directly involved in an event yet suffering its consequences. Insist that the guilt and the blame are placed right where they belong, on WTBTS, not on you.

AB

DogGone

You have some great perspective and advice above. All I can add is this:

- Don't let your children guilt trip or abuse you. Life wasn't perfect for them... so what? When is it? I've seen this guilt dynamic play out too many times. You love them, you did what you thought was right. This touches a nerve with me and reminds me of the relationship between my older brother and my mother. It is, in my opinion, too often abusive and guilt ridden (though having nothing to do with the WT).

- In time, hopefully, he will grow up and put on big boy pants and actually have some fond memories and laughter about his past. Surely it wasn't all bad. I had some fantastically great times in the cult. It's a part of who I am and the reason I can clean-up on the Bible categories in Jeopardy. (The only category I can out do my brilliant wife). Or perhaps he doesn't, perhaps he waters it, builds it, wallows in it, and blames all his misfortune on his upbringing. He finds like-minded souls on some online forum and spends his days growing his "Poison Tree." If so, see my last piece of advice.

- If he stays angry and directs guilt at you despite telling him you're sorry and that you did what you thought was right at the time, then you just have to shut the conversation down and refuse to be a punching back for his rage. Boundaries are healthy.

AnneB

Addendum: I wouldn't say "sorry." You didn't do anything wrong. You can empathize with your offspring but you have nothing to be "sorry" about. Being used, deceived, misled, etc. are not things a person needs to say "sorry" for; that obligation belongs to the ones who did the deceiving.

When someone says "sorry" all most people remember is "guilt". In your case, RR, it would be one more thing used to beat you. Stand your ground.

Nice_Dream

Your child will eventually get over it, it just takes time and perhaps counseling to work through the anger. I left when I was 27, and was bitter for a few years. However, I realize my parents made the choice to be JWs when they had me because they wanted to raise me differently than how they were raised, and hoped to shelter me from drugs, and the crazy lifestyle they previously led. They succeeded in that, and I am grateful for how my life turned out, despite some of the issues of being raised a Witness.

However, I also realize that everyone has problems. There is no perfect life, or perfect way to raise a child. Being raised as an atheist or different religion wouldn't have protected me from experiencing hurt in my life. I would have had different experiences, but still would have had difficulties to work through as well.

If your child is upset about not playing sports, perhaps they can play drop-in sports now. Or maybe they just felt isolated, and need to work through that. Other people feel lonely or like outcasts too, despite not being raised as a JW.

My parents apologized once to me, and that was enough. They were just doing what they felt was right at the time, and had my best interests at heart.

One day, when your child has children of their own, they might understand better. Don't be too hard on yourself! There is still time to enjoy life to the fullest.

Faithful Witness

BOTR: You can never get those years back. I deserved better.

Thank you for expressing these sentiments! It couldn't be more true. It is a powerful reality that anyone who knows a child JW should seriously consider. They are being forced into it.

mzmmom

I took from that that he may be worried/angry about his siblings?

Argument with my Child "Why did I stay in the Organization so long?" Anger and Bitter Feelings.

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