Schizophrenia

thedog1

That is what it feels like at the moment. I am leading a field service group tomorrow morning. Taking the WT study on Saturday. Meeting all the admittedly loving bros and sis at the hall. Loving them as individuals and persons who are trying to be Christians (they really do) while at the same time despairing internally at the prison we have locked ourselves into as members of the group.

Pams girl

I'm so sorry. The words "despair" and "prison" are red flags. I don't know your story, but hope you find the strength from YOURSELF to do what is best for you and live your life x I wish you all the best x

Paula

Syme

Man, I feel for you. I mean, I feel sorry for you.

There are a lot of things you can do from your post, but it's up to you to decide if it's worth it, and if it is realistic to think you can change things from the inside.

Just remember that not even Ray Franz, who was an charismatic GB member, was able to change things from the inside. And you're just a local elder.

I have decided that this thing is definately not going to change by individual efforts from the inside. It is too large an organism. So I've decided to live my life, or what's left of it anyway. It is good to those around you happy, but at what cost on your life?

As for the bros and sis: they try to be Christians, but only in the way they've been told a Christian is; e.g. shunning former members, and craving for the oncoming death of 99.9% of humanity in Armageddon. Think about it.

LostGeneration

Catch a cold, come down with the flu. Anything.

Staying locked up in your house for three days straight is 100x better than participating in JW activites.

valkyrie

If you are in a position to do so (nothing to lose), test them and see how "Christian" they really want to be.

Remember: "... perfect love throws fear outside, because fear exercises a restraint. Indeed, he that is under fear has not been made perfect in love."

Meeting all the admittedly loving bros and sis at the hall. Loving them as individuals and persons who are trying to be Christians (they really do) while at the same time despairing internally at the prison we have locked ourselves into as members of the group.

Pams girl

"I've been demon possessed and cannot possibly go out on service or be anywhere near brothers or sisters"

Elders..."You need to see a pyschiatrist"

"Are you saying you DON'T believe in demon possession?"..............

humbled

It is harrowing.

When you know that you are trying to response to God as you know him and you cannot talk with honesty to your friends in faith about that God-because they would think you were infected or deranged.

I myself ended up staying home, not answering my phone except for family members, my job and the elders voicemails. Finally when it resolved months later I got unfrozen.

But, then, I was not an elder. Still, I did learn that the world did not end just because I did not talk to anyone or go to meetings until the situation resolved for me.

Hang in there, dogwon.

rip van winkle

thedog1- I'm sorry about your despair over your dual life. The thread title is misleading.

That being said, I'm sure you meant no offense to those who suffer with schizophrenia.

compound complex

Greetings, thedog:

I'm sorry for what you're dealing with. I am experiencing something similar, but not to so great an extent as you.

Comforting to me is Nancy Sage's story. She was a member of our forum under its earlier name, JWD. She wrote a book describing her wish to save her JW daughter. I believe she had been dfed, got reinstated and succeeded in rescuing her daughter. The title of her book is (I think I'm correct): Going Underground to Rescue My Daughter From the Cult of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Admittedly, not all could stomach what she put herself through, but she made it.

Best wishes as you endeavor to maintain your sanity and integrity.

CoCo

LV101

TD1 - know you are in my thought/wishes. I assume you're just buying your time and practicing patience at this point. Reality is so difficult but is the true path to peace - at some point. Good you're able to consider the groups' positive attributes.

CC's comment re Nancy Sage's story is inspiring but know I don't have enough moxie to do - wish I did. What a success story!

Schizophrenia

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