As an outsider I find this discussion interesting. The congs are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If they do chase up faders then this is harrassment and if they don't it is uncaring. Personally I would love it if my wife's 'friends' didn't call her every time she misses a meeting. I think this form of subtle pressure makes her go back the next week.
How many in the cong visited you when you started fading
by joe134cd 50 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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blondie
It's been 12 years. A couple of phone messages, not answered. Drop by visits, not invited in (call first). Next 3 years the obligatory drop by invite to the memorial, told them we know when it is and where it is. 4th year an unannounced visit by elder and CO, no invite inside, TOLD by them we no longer believed WTS was God's organization, reply: You said that not us. 5 to 11 years, memorial tract or tract campaign in the door. We occasionally bump into jws about town doing personal things, shopping, getting gas, at the bank, etc. All talk to us those some are unsure of our status (inactive). We give a bright hello asking about their lives which they are happy to tell us but we don't linger long enough to be asked if we are going to meetings. One did get it in and I said, "You already know the answer to that so why are you asking." They were a little embarrassed but went on telling me their own lives.
I feel many jws confuse running into the same group of people at the KH means these people are your friends. I go to work everyday with a group of people but they are not my friends just on the basis of that. We are people brought together by our employment. Leaving may filter out the one true friend you might have. I find in retrospect, jws had few real friends when they were active and even fewer if any when they leave.
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Ultimate Axiom
I had loads of visits - several elders (including the one that studied with me and was my best man at my wedding) a CO and a DO, plus a number of the brothers I had pioneered with, and a letter from a sister who regarded me as an adopted son as I came in the 'Truth' as a young single brother with no other family, except a sister who lived miles away. And as I moved twice in five years after I left, I also had visits from an elder from each of the congregations whose area I had moved into. I found it very tedious, but I have to say I do believe the motives of all of them were genuine, but this was back in the late 1970s and early 1980s and things were very different back then, especially in the UK.
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stillin
The one that stands out for me was the phone call from a DO. My cong was going to be "host" for the week preceding an assembly. He had called our COBOE ahead and asked for phone numbers of inactive ones. we had a nice conversation on the phone and he asked if I would care to get out in service with him when he got here. I said that it was very kind of him to ask, but I declined the invite.
when he came, he gave a talk that he had composed himself which was not your typical WTS mush. A thinker.
It left me wondering whether he was trying to encourage me or he was looking for encouragement from people like me who live on the fringe.
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dozy
There was just a token elder's visit - then no-one. All my ex JW "friends" just suddenly dropped off the radar - no phone calls , texts - nothing. It was bizarre really. But that seems to be the way things often go when people "fade". The easiest thing for JWs to do is just to cease contact. It just shows how conditional the friendship is.
But it works even with "faithful" JWs as well who stop attending the meetings, especially the elderly. It is very much an "out of sight , out of mind" religion. When I was a JW , we used to have an old elder in our congregation who became too ill to go the meetings. He lived near my house & I would drop in once a month with the magazines & have a chat. We were virtually the only ones on the congregation he ever saw. I begged the other elders to visit but they were "too busy" with congregation problems & their own busy social lives.
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Aunt Fancy
Steve: no I didn't bury her in my back yard I took her out in the woods! Just kidding, lol. Your question really made me laugh.
We have so many congregations in our area and the weird thing is I never see JW's at all. I go out shopping and run errands and it has been at least 6 months since I saw one. we walked away so I am not sure if they see me and run in the other direction. Even our neighbor is one and I just see him occasionally. He isn't a strong one and he would never talk about the religion or pry into our business
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punkofnice
AF
We have so many congregations in our area and the weird thing is I never see JW's at all.
Same here.
Ironically, after I moved house the JWs called on me in failed misery and they didn't even know who I was......that was fun
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Aunt Fancy
That is crazy! It is freeing to not see them around.
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maninthemiddle
The only two non-elder visits we ever had was people dropping by while they were in field service.
There were the once a year drop by of two elders leading up to the CO visit. But that only happened maybe three times.
So that is 5 visits is 5 years.
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troubled mind
My husband and I were in the same Kingdom Hall for over 27 yrs . We were regular meeting attenders ,but our field service was very low hrs the last couple of yrs . Then one day we just stopped attending ...I got one call from a concerned sister in the hall ,Someone that had recently moved into the congregation btw . My husband said two sisters stopped by with the magazines a couple of times while i was at work (Which they know when I am at work ,I drive School bus ) But neither one called or made an effort to ask when a better time was to catch me home.
Yes ,at first you kind of want to know ,will anyone honestly care about me ? For me it really didn't matter because i was already convinced they were liars . I was done with the religion ,however , my husband on the other hand ,could have been swayed back in if someone had shown an ounce of personal interest in him . It was a good thing they acted as I had expected they would ,because that is what helped my husband make his mind up to stay out .
One Elder ,that we had always viewed as a personal friend ,stopped by after a few months to invite us to the Memorial . It was an informal visit ,and he asked if there was anything we wanted to discuss ....because he seemed sincere we decided to attend the Memorial . At the Memorial people snubbed us ,and I was clearly reminded why I had quit going . That was our last meeting ...after that no one ever came by or called again . My husband began to realize there was no real friendship with any of these people . His own step -brother ,and nephews were servants in the hall ,and never once asked how he was .
Three yrs later I put some white lights ,and lighted deer out on my lawn during Christmas time . That January the Elder 'friend' came knocking at the door wanted to tell us all about the new meeting changes (as his front ) His real intention was to ask if I was celebrating holidays now . I turned them away from the door because of being sick . Shortly after this he saw me in the grocery store and asked if they could come by for a 'sheparding visit ' ...ummm after three yrs ??! IF THIS HAPPENS TO YOU BEWARE IT IS A TRAP ! Just tell them NO it has been too long and you are not interested . Because I found out too late that if you invite them back into your life for a 'visit' it is like telling them you recognize them as spiritual leaders again .
This Sheparding visit turned into an avenue for them to ask personal questions . Once again they feigned interest only to later reveal they just wanted us to answer the question 'Were we celebrating holidays?' In other words their only real interest was to find something on us to finally eject us publically from the congregation ,because evidently inactive ones are some sort of loose ends that need to be sewn back into the flock or snipped off .
I refused to allow them to bully me into answering ,and he suggested I write a DA letter if I no longer wanted to be a Witness . I refused that too because I am stubborn ,and by that time no longer felt I needed to do anything they requested . That lead to harrassing calls and visits until I sent a cease and desist letter .
I do not know if they ever publically announced anything to the congregation ,but we are shunned .