Don't be afraid doubting JW, step into the darkness...

by suavojr 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  suavojr

  I must admit that my journey has brought me to a place that I never thought possible, a VOID. I have held faith in the spiritual world all my life and now I was finally able to pass to other side of the darkness. Many times darkness is associated with evil and yet roughly 70% of the universe is made of dark energy.

  I’ve now stepped into the dark room. It seems empty at first but do not think this darkness is artificial vs. the light we think we enjoy as believers. I suspect it is natural and that true enlightenment can be obtained from this blackness. The one thing that bothers me is a sense of VOID or emptiness, but I find myself adjusting to this solitude.

  Today I do not censor myself and I am inclined to read fascinating works from believers and nonbelievers. The big difference is that I’m reading this new material in a different light inside the darkness.

  If you are lurking and doubting, don’t be afraid. Don’t give up in searching for truth and the answers that will enable you to find true happiness during the brief spark of life in you.
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  minimus

  Great post!!!
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  suavojr

  Thank you minimus! You are one of the posters who has helped me understand the antonym of belief.
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  Frazzled UBM

  suavojr - you really are doing it tough living a lie by pretending to your family that you still believe so as not to lose them all the while knowing what you now know. It must be very tough but I think what you are doing by creating some time for yourself to expand your world view and read and learn from literature you would not previously have dreamt of reading. PM me if you want to discuss books to read and books you have already read.
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  BU2B

  Suavojr is right. Now that your mind has been turned on, realize that learning is something that you can do your whole life and you will NEVER have all the answers. So keep reading, learning, and using logic and good sense and try to have fun! Dont be afraid to take some chances.. Enjoy the ride. When you are dying you really dont want to look back and feel that you spent your life doing something you dont truly believe in.
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  DesirousOfChange

  The one thing that bothers me is a sense of VOID or emptiness, but I find myself adjusting to this solitude.

  The greatest VOID or emptiness that many seem to feel is the absence of all the friends that they thought they had.

  JW friends were easy to make -- almost "automatic" -- but unfortunately, just as easy to lose -- just as automatic.

  Doc
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  Oubliette

  Great post, well written. What have you been reading?
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  Phizzy

  this help ? here, have another one
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  suavojr

  Frazzled UBM

  Yes, I am pretending and lying to myself. My goal is to learn more, convince myself of what is truth to me and then make my expose to my family. I am fully aware that I will pay a high price but those who love me will follow.

  BU2B

  You are correct, let us all enjoy the ride. We have the privilege to at least live twice as long than our ancestors.

  Oubliette

  Like any JW just getting mentally out, I feel like a little boy learning for the first time even though I am 34. At this point in my life I have a lot of catching up to do with the secular and religious world. Growing up in an enclosed environment steals from you the freedom to choose, the joy of learning new things and disables one’s ability to achieve your true potential.

  Currently I’m reading Hitchens Mortality book and the God Delusion. I also do a lot of YouTube and recently discovered Tim Minchin. I am learning from debates such as Dawkins vs. Lennox (Great debate), Hitchens past debates, Sam Harris talking about death and much more.

  Let’s just say I am rewiring my brain cells…
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  Frazzled UBM

  suavojr - I do not begrudge you doing what you are doing - you are doing it for honourable motives and hopefully it will yield fruit by helping you find a way to liberate your wife and family. Good luck in this enterprise. I understand it must be very stressful to pretend...I struggle to maintain my silence with my wife and hold back everything I want to tell her about how wrong everything is that the GB teaches...remaining silent on this is a daily grind.