Please write: show but not tell.

by compound complex 46 Replies latest social humour

  • humbled
    humbled

    She trudged behind the old man over the rough clods of the field. Stout legs and bare feet, hers tough but his were beast-feet. He punched the earth with his planting stick and she dropped the yellow kernels into their dark womb of earth.

    The spring morning had given over its chill to send a patch of heat spread across her sweater and threadbare dress. She was come to the field like a big girl, yet ached to see the older children wind down the dirt road from their staggered row of earthen huts to the ochre-walled school. "Someday,I will too," she thought...

    Distracted thus, she stumbled. Grains of seed corn fell from her pouched apron and she shot a glance to see abuelo's whiskered jaw tighten. She flushed, stooping quickly to pick up the precious grain.

    But he too had marked the children thronging to schoolyard. And as she sought the lost seeds in the broken ground she didn't see him turn and raise his hand over her.

    Rough as a dog's paw the hand hovered and then lit where her gleaming black hair was cleaved by abuela's fine-toothed comb. With the gentleness of the hen on her eggs he felt the heat of the sun on the child's head as she staightened to seek his face.

    His hooded eyes were glossy with moisture. The taciturn face under the perennial shade of his hat could not hide that he felt for her what she did for him.

    She would plant now and she without longing. "Someday" would come soon enough for abuelo and soon enough for her too.

  • humbled
    humbled

    Great fun! I wanted to fix some stuff but Husband came for lunch and I had to punch"submit".

    You are an inspiring bunch!

    Prof. CoCo--thanks for the prompt! It IS a challenge to do what you said.

  • Bruja-del-Sol
    Bruja-del-Sol

    Your story is so beautifully written Maeve! I had to look up some words with Google translate, but your style reminds me in a way of Paolo Coelho... the way you describe things, I admire that!

  • humbled
    humbled

    Thank you, Bruja. I will look up Paolo Cuelo--

    (You-know-who has a little froth of a tail just emerging.)

  • Bruja-del-Sol
    Bruja-del-Sol

    Black she was, and soooo small. She was her mama's pride and joy. She was cute, she adored her siblings, nothing better than lying cosey beside them under their mother's wings or under the warm lamp. And food! Oh yeah, everytime the hand of a human came into the box with a new supply of food they all cheered and danced and pushed each other around to get to the food as soon as possible. Mother looked at her babies and even though it was hard for her to express her feelings, other than a soft 'buk buk'-sound, she felt so proud of her offspring. It is that chickens can't cry out of sheer happiness, but if she could she definitely would. Especially when she saw that little black baby... and... did she see that correctly? Was there...?? Oh well, my oh my... good heavens, that little black chick has a little froth of a tail just emerging!

    Mama Chicken tried to sigh because of the feelings that overwhelmed her, but the only sound she made was another satisfied 'buk buk'...

    (Sorry Prof. CoCo, I've spoiled this one with mentioning 'happiness' and 'satisfied'... too bad, the story emerged and I found it too cute to delete )

  • humbled
    humbled

    Ha ha !! Bruja! you have a children's book!

    English you second language?!!!!???

    I'll tell you something about this morning (add to your story?)

    Goldie has been showing them how to "scratch" for feed and so thoroughly has messed up the feed and water for this past week by throwing wood shavings around that----(wicked me) ---I put her out of the house :(

    the chicks were dispondent. they cried. then were silent. They sat like stones.

    I poured my coffee and felt like the sh*t I truly was.

    Goldie would have none of it and had come up the steps. I heard here clucking at the door! My conscience made me open it. She didn't waste a glance at me and marched in. She forced me to open the lid of the chick house, passed in front of it twice and jumped to the rim and --PLOP! In she went---

    You know the rest! You have it all now!

    (shamme on me, I know)

    If you draw--DO IT!

  • Gregor
    Gregor

    In her book, "Write Away", Elizabeth George begins with part 1, chapter 1, Story is Character.

    She disusses the most vital part of telling a story. The skill of sketching a real person, that is, a distinct person with a unique personality. Even a minor character can be described in a few words as a real person. The ethnic taxi driver who picks up a main character, for example, can have a picture of his wife and 4 kids on the dash. He appears in a short paragraph and never is mentioned again. But now he is a real person.

    Examples of characters that evoke an entire book are everywhere. From Captain Ahab, Ebenezer Scrooge, Aticus Finch. etc. is endless.

  • Bruja-del-Sol
    Bruja-del-Sol

    @Humbled: Hahaha, will write an addition tomorrow! Have to go to sleep first. Goodnight Oh and unfortunately I don't draw... but a children's book... hmmm, sounds like something I would like to write! Hubby has asked for a short story for his website as well, so I've written one for him tonight and he was delighted. Maybe I've discovered another talent...

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    CoCo, this is a really nice thread!

    Hope to catch up and read all the stories, later.

    ___

    Adrift in her silent thoughts; like the movement of a restless sea, scattering memories flooded her mind's eye--and in an instant, she vanished.

    (Bye!)

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    Humbled the writer: your word pictures are lovely!

    Brujy, ooh and aah!/

    __

    There are several rooms to let; a major vacancy at "Rippy Van Winkle's Thought Motel". Unfortunately, the invading body snatchers sucked the last bits of ideas from her once imaginitive mind and ever...dwindling...synapsis...

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