1 slowfade 2 go please (thanks 4 the advice)

by Leander 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  Leander

  Thanks to everyone who contributed to the earlier post I made today. After a few hours of consideration I believe the slow fade probably is the best choice for my situation. By just gradually reducing my meeting attendance I can still maintain contacts with friends and family and still find liberation from the tower.

  Another thing that works out to my benefit and I did'nt even realize it, is that my new job is much further away and will require me to work later hours. This will serve as an effective reason for me to step down as a MS and obtain a reprieve from school assignments and service meeting parts. I can't beleive how well this will work out for me and I almost did'nt see it. In fact this evening I plan on contacting the school overseer (my brother-in-law) to temporarily (read: indefinite) remove me from the school schedule.

  Once again thanks guys I appreciate the advice

  On a sad note I just found out one of my sister-in-laws had a miscarriage today. She was 4 months into her pregnancy.
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  Guest 77

  Good choice, remember your 'not' obligated to anyone. Enjoy the journey.

  Guest 77
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  Joyzabel

  I recommend taking a good book to read while at the meetings you'll be going to. I used to read CoC, with a bible cover over it, because I couldn't put it down. Amd then I went on to all the other "good" books, Jonnson's, Penton's and now Stafford's.
  Its been over a year for me and hubby doing the fading thing and yes it was nice to have "excuses" on why the attendance had dropped. The jws will get used to you being "busy" and will label you "weak". But who cares, you will be taking care of your own needs.

  Enjoy the journey, its just beginning.
  j2bf
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  MrMoe

  Sorry about the baby. Your sister-in-law will be going through a sad period, be sure you are supportive of her and your brother. Lost a baby last year, and tho it is not to be compared to the loss of a child, it can be very difficult to work through.

  BIG hugs and congrats on exiting the borg. You will be just fine.

  
  moe
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  out4good3

  Good choice.

  A word of warning though. If your wife is anything like mine look for some heated discussions about your lack of meeting attendance and study almost daily. Be on the guard for the daily barrage of JW's 101 reasons of why the meeting are so important and that they are to not be missed. Be aware that there will be some very probing question about your work and how it's the devil's pawn to take you away from cough*cough*"jehovahs organization"*cough*cough.

  Look for the elder bosses to be dropping in on you any time they feel like it, most likely at the request of your wife although she will deny it, to readjust your thinking and bring you back into the fold. She will cry, she will beg, she will plead to know what's wrong and when all that has failed she'll turn to the only weapon she has left, the emotional guilt tripping about her feelings of abandonement and loneliness for having to go to the meetings alone. After that, if she's still with you, she'll likely settle down to the fact that you're an adult that have to make your own decisions but she'll look at you as spiritually theatening and weak. Remember, your being a MS and having talk assignments is a badge of honor for her as well and she'll not want to give it up that easily. That'll be her main motivation rather than "saving" your life. The indoctrinating of the WT specifies that keeping appearances and not bring reproach is paramount to anything else in the organization.

  I remember one of these marathon sessions I had with my wife where I actually got so sick of hearing it I went into the bathroom and threw up. Did that stop her, no. She kept right on going.
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  SYN

  It'll be tough at first, then that good ole conditional "love" shalt kick in and they'll forget you ever existed. Congratulations, let me be the first to hand you a cigar!

  "If men were like their personal ads, they wouldn't need personal ads."
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  Leander

  Out4good - It sounds like your wife put you thru hell and back. How are things going for you now?
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  Beans

  Go slow, not so hard, ok your out! And remember don`t give any letter as this can hurt you in the future as it can be used against you!

  Hold the torch, hold it high for you are the king!

  Beans
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  out4good3

  Leander

  I would say our relationship has matured more than it ever could when I was a member of the borg allowing them to stifle my potential trying to follow all their silly little rules.

  As far as the borg is concerned we have what can best be described as an comfortable truce. An agreement to disagree on that point. She knows I'm hostile toward the WT and rarely broaches the subject with me. I don't question her about her meeting attendance or it's contents and she doesn't question me about me attending my extended family's Holiday functions or any personal and financial growth opportunities I'm engaged in. She attends some of those family functions with me and I reciprocate by attending only the memorial with her. We've struck a comfortable balance we both can live with.

  It wasn't an easy transition or always that way though. In the beginning I was constantly reassuring her that I was not rejecting her or planning on abandoning her, it was the stifling existence in the borganization that I wanted out of. I wanted the freedom of making changes and decisions that I knew would improve our life and not have those decisions sifted through the BOE or what appeared good in the eyes of the congregation.

  Fortunately the decisions I've made worked out for the very best. Within three years of me changing lanes I'd finished school and quadrupled my income. She now pretty much lives the life of Riley(sp). A "kept woman". I'm satisfied with the knowledge that in the back of her mind, even if her WT trained conscious won't let her admit it to herself, that she knows that me leaving the WT was the best decision I could've possibly made for the both of us. And though we've toughed it out and managed to stay together, I wouldn't wish what she put me through on anybody.

  Hopefully your wife will be more merciful.

  Good luck transitioning out. Keep us posted.
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  Joyzabel

  Good point, out4good3: "In the beginning I was constantly reassuring her that I was not rejecting her or planning on abandoning her, it was the stifling existence in the borganization that I wanted out of."