What is definition of a true friend, once outside the cult?

by suavojr 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  suavojr

  After leaving the cult of JW's or waking up to TTATT, it is a struggle to trust people again. I am personally starting from scratch although I am still in. Each moment I spend with my current JW friends, I know they are all smiles and loving towards me because of my good status with the WT.

  Outside a cult you still find fake people and it is also a struggle to find true friends and it is even worst when we've been hit hard from people we used to trust and care for.

  How do you define a true friend?
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  suavojr

  I would say that making a million friends is nothing special. What is special is to make a friend who will stand by you when millions are against you. But how to find it???
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  ILoveTTATT

  I asked someone how to trust someone else. His answer? Give him 10 dollars. The point was, you have to test people. Trust is earned... With time... But you will find that there are dozens of very trustworthy people in the world... Just gotta open up... Some will fail you, but if you don't shoot you'll never score, right?
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  quellycatface

  I am finding it hard to meet a good friend. My hubs is my best friend. I would love to meet a good girl fire.I was at Skittles on Saturday night, a church do and I got chatting to a lady who gave me her mobile phone number. The church has a ramblers club and I said I'd like to come along, she offered me transport.they have a walk and a pub lunch each month.

  Slowly but surely, I hope to meet new friends.
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  quellycatface

  I meant good girl friend.
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  LongHairGal

  suavojr:

  In answer to your question: a real friend likes you for who you are and not conditioned on some performance on your part.

  Maybe I am wrong, but you sound as if you were raised in the JW religion. It may be a shock at first but that doesn't mean you can't make friends. However, don't be in a hurry do do so. You are better off by yourself than with bad friends. Take it slow.

  The reason I say this is because I was not raised a JW but came in as a young adult. I had friends in the "world" who weren't the greatest but that is because a young person is less discriminating and has not yet acquired wisdom. I don't know how old you are and this surely plays a part. A young person has friends that they would not tolerate if they were an older person. I would never now tolerate the people I knew when I was younger.

  The problem with the JW religion is that you had "instant" friends. They may not have been "bad", but the problem is that they aren't real friends at all. They are just a mirage in many instances. They are, at best, conditional on your membership and performance inside this high-control group.

  Friendships take time but make sure they are "wholesome" people and not people with serious social and personal problems (sorry if anybody is offended by this). They shouldn't just be "drinking buddies", unless maybe you work at the same job and you know their character, etc.
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  snakeface

  LongHairGal said it very well!

  A true friend accepts you for being yourself. Therefore in order to be a friend you have to be yourself rather than who others expect you to be. A true friend is supportive of you following your own dreams/goals/agendas, and vice versa. This is the opposite of what we're conditioned to do in the WT organization. Those friendships are based on both parties adhering to a particular belief or standard.I have some great friends now. The friendships started because of a common interest, and then as we gradually learned a little more about each others' lives we became friends. We simply enjoy each others' company, and have many (but not all) of the same values.

  A true friend does not exert "peer pressure" on you, but instead, respects your individuality.
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  Angus Beef

  If I close my eyes and visualize the auditorium filled with ones I know from my Khall. I'd not pick them as friends on the outside. Most were not true friends. None have called since I've left. Only elders asking if we believe in the GB, wth.

  I've realised the people I've known on the outside were actually good people. They never judged me according to meeting attendance, FS or how spiritual I was. They never asked to borrow things and not return them. Ask to help them move, paint, loan money. But ones in that mental picture, I can go row by row, and say; mooch, bum, abuser, brown-noser, double-life and on and on... the worst were the ones I tried to be friends with but just couldn't handle all their drama, stuff they could have put an end to...stupid kids, no money etc. I wanted to be a good friend to all, but got burnt so many times. It was all so conditional. But ones on the outside, just a little different. I wouldn't screw over a worldy friend, they're smart enough to walk away, but not within the khall you had to forgive.. because we are imperfect. Got tired of hearing that line of bull.

  Don't be afraid of finding new friends, we're working on that now. It's not a scary as JWs want you to believe.
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  ABibleStudent

  Hi suavojr, Your JW phobias are showing.

  Take your time - there is no rush. Do activities that you enjoy where you can meet non-JWs. Have conversations with people, ask them questions, tell them a little about yourself, and share experiences with each other. Eventually you will either feel a mutual interest or not. It takes time to build healthy and unconditional relationships. Conditional relationships are easier to make and break.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
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  LongHairGal

  Angus Beef:

  I also hated that tired line about "imperfection".......... In REAL life, some friendships die a natural death either because you move away or develop different interests or the person does something bad. It should be the same in the JW religion.

  But, JWs like to pretend you are supposed to be friends forever. They are such hypocrites. They can behave in an unfriendly (or even criminal fashion) but THINK that you are going to be there and HELP them if they are in need. They think their phoney brotherhood is supposed to kick-in when they want it ! Well, I don't think so.

  The truth is: some things cannot be forgiven and in REAL life they are not. This is why the Witness religion is sick and there is an unhealthy mental dynamic of unaccountability that I could not stand.

  I am not saying "worldly" people are such a prize, but at least you aren't deceived up-front about them the way you are with JWs. Certain JWs are nothing more than wolves in sheep's clothing. All their intrusiveness is dangerous, if you ask me.