I know what you mean Suavojr, I don't have any advice, just want to commiserate. The only time I ever really opened up to people who were supposed to love me, they rejected me. The idea of going beyond anything superficial again genuinely scares me. I hope you get some good advice.
What is definition of a true friend, once outside the cult?
by suavojr 24 Replies latest jw friends
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Still Totally ADD
So far we have experience people who do thngs for you that you did not expect and they have no alternative motive for doing it. For no reason tell you how glad they are we are in their lives. Also they show trust in you to do the right thing and to be honest with them. This encourages us to do the same thing. Nothing fake or we have to say this because we our order to do it. It all comes from the heart. When this happen you soon see does who are not really your friend because they want something from you. Still Totally ADD
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sparrowdown
A true friend is:
honest
loyal
takes the time to get to know the real you
not too quick to judge
does'nt take themselves too seriously, can have a laugh.
respects and appreciates your individuality
hang on, I think I am describing my dog...... oh well you gotta find friendship wherever you can.
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krejames
I don't know whether it's just the area I live in but I really feel as though I have found some really genuine friends now - much more so than when I was going to meetings. Most of my current friendships have been formed at work with colleagues past and present. It has surprised me because I have always considered myself quite a boring person lol. As others have said, if we are ourselves and comfortable being ourselves - some people will like us for who we are. but the cliche that says if we want to have good friends we have to be a good friend is true. Because I don't feel I have much to say, I often find myself asking other people questions about themselves or whatever interests them (not in a nosey way) and I find people generally like talking about themselves especially if we remember little things they have said to us.
Usually friendships are inititiated through common interests and being open to meeting new people (e.g the friends of our new friends).
It doesn't happen over night - good luck and...enjoy the experience of finding new friends! :) x
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Twitch
True friends are like diamonds as they say
No less true no matter the company you choose to keep
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LisaRose
If you are in jail and need to make bail, who would/could you call (other than family)?
If you can think of even one person, then you have a true friend.
I have never wanted or needed a lot of friends, I seek quality, not quantity.
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kaik
It is hard to make friends and I can generally think only two people. There is old Czech saying that real friend will double you happines and halving your sorrow.
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transhuman68
It is tough because in the Borg people have to toe the line, and can't say what they really think; but even in the 'world' there is an expectation that friends will be 'in the swim' and conform in some way- usually career-wise or economically or sexually... it can take years before you know if you have a true friend or not; and some real tough times when mere aquaintances will walk away & leave you with a knife in your back... maybe a real friend is a once-in-a-lifetime-person... someone who has seen you at your best and worst- but still is a friend.
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Phizzy
My advice is not to be suspicious and un-trusting, people pick up on that, and will not warm to you. The other bit of advice is, ask yourself, what are you so afraid of ?
O.K, you have to be careful if a friend asked to borrow money say, but how much more careful would you have to be with a JW ! if you didn't have it down in writing, signed and witnessed, and all the T's crossed and I's dotted they would screw you.
I find it easy to get along with all sorts of normal people, (JW's count as abnormal, those they would call "worldly" are normal), O.K, some do not appeal as much as others, well I don't particulary seek out their company, but most I rub along with just fine.
The people I and Mrs Phizzy have made friends with since leaving are all great, and I would trust any of 'em with a Tenner.
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scarredforlife
Good thread.