Selective memories and disfellowshipping

Really?!

Hi everyone

I'm new here. I've been out around 20 years (DA'd), but recently I've really started to struggle with certain aspects of relating to family members who are still in, as well as my own thoughts and feelings about my upbringing and my personal views about god/life the universe. I have an older sibling and my mum who are still in. We are a small family and my dear Grandmother, who was not in, passed away around a year ago. I guess I feel more isolated now (in terms of losing my non-believing "comrade"), and have been thinking more and more about the ridiculousness of their beliefs; their hypocrisy in certain areas; and the frustration with not been able to express any of this to them without knowing the kind of blank response I will get. They don't bother me at all (or very rarely) about coming back, but we all know there is just certain things that can never be discussed.

My mum is a good woman, and to cope with it I try to view her in two ways: the core of her - a funny, caring person who loves her family dearly. However there is also the other side, the JW side - judgemental, indoctrinated, closed-minded...don't think I need to go on.

As I said, I am feeling more and more resentful, and finding it hard to keep a lid on it. Today for example:

I called my mum for a chat. She was talking about a "sister" who she has known for 30+ years who is now very elderly and struggling with health problems. To be honest, I never liked this woman, even when I was a young kid, and when I have seen her in the street in recent years I have pretended I haven't seen her/suddenly become engrossed in my phone so as to avoid engaging with her. IIRC she had a son, whose name could never be mentioned, who had been DF many many years ago. I guess this guy went on to have his own family...I seem remember talk of it anyway. So, my mum was going on today about how this woman is really having terrible health issues and is struggling to take care of herself at home, needs support etc as "she has no family to take care of her" and I thought "WTF?! Erm no she does have family, she just decided to shun them for whatever "sin" he commited. So I guess she brought this on herself.... Just makes me really mad, I feel unable to voice how I feel and I am starting to feel very withdrawn from my mum.

As I said I'm new here so sorry for long post/not knowing the etiquette etc but it feels good to be able to come somewhere and share with people who will totally get it, I've been lurking for a while and see many others who seem to feel the same as I do. I talk to my friends often (those evil, wicked, wordly people who are actually amazing) and they sympathise as much as they can, but if you ain't been in it, you can't really understand!

Thanks for listening

clarity

Welcome Really? ... Nice to have you here.

*

Time has a way of letting us see the obvious ...

25 yrs ago, as I chatted with a 'brother', asking about his

children, ..his daughter was praised, but the son had

left the organization and he said , "we don't talk about him"

Even then, I could feel that weird numb blocking-out of reality,

and just shrugged & stopped my thoughts!

*

Hopefully, your Mother will 'get it' soon.

Maybe make a small quiet comment ...and then just stretch it

out a bit more ...just to get her thinking on it.

all the best

clarity

....

Xanthippe

Hi Really?! and welcome. Yes it is so frustrating when everything is blamed on the person who left. They made their decision, JWs will say. They just can't see that they have made a decision to shun their own flesh and blood, they could decide not to shun and face the consequenses, but life is full of consequenses. Personally I feel the world is full of problems, we can give to charity, we can help our neighbours, but the very least we can do is look after our own family, surely? Glad to have you with us.

Crazyguy

Yes they are of gods true religion yet don't follow Christ when he said not to judge. The old woman deserves what she gets, more jws are going to find themsleves in this situation.

Really?!

Thank you for your warm welcome.

I don't feel any sympathy to be honest for the old lady in question, from what I can remember she could be a right b***h, if she is struggling by herself, its her own fault.

The difficult thing is that they would never see it the way we do. clarity - I don't think my mum will ever 'get it' to be honest...been in too long to have any critical thinking. Sometimes I try to engage in conversation about world affairs, but I see the blankness in her eyes. Or she gets judgemental.

I remember getting in a difficult conversation with her a year or so ago - I was talking about my daughter who had recently started secondary school and how it was a tricky ride. The pre-teen/teen years, new environment, getting used to new people etc, can make their behaviour go a bit strange for a while until they settle in. She made some remark about trying to keep my daughter away from "all those wicked wordly people" as they are the cause. I totally disagreed, and feel I need to give my daughter the tools to navigate new situations. Even though I know that is my mum feels, I was taken aback to hear her stating this so blatantly. I believe that in life there is good/bad wherever you go...or what is perceived as good/bad. We are all products of our own experiences, and who am I to judge other people who bring up their kids in a different way to how I do? Anyway, I tried to reason with her but she was like a brick wall. So frustrating!

Comatose

Hi! Welcome to the forum! It is so great to have you. You can post here about anything you want. Please do by the way, you will meet lots of nice people and expressing yourself here is a great outlet.

Xanthippe

bump

Band on the Run

I recall the awkward/painful family situations. It certainly can hurt. When I was a teen, my very devout and strict JW aunt and uncle called on my mom. She had a physical breakdown pioneering in the South. The purpose of their visit was to beg my mom in person to let me have freedom. She specifically wanted me to go to parties and dances. Decades later I am still in shock. When I was in college, she could not relate. She asked me how long a public talk would a paper I had to do take. You never know with people.

Gypsy Sam

Welcome. You're not alone. Glad you joined :)

Ding

Welcome!

Selective memories and disfellowshipping

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