Welcome Really. That situation resembles a bit of my family, but I talk to my parents. My other extensive site from aunt and uncles had completely shun one of their son until death and I am not sure if my cousin even know that his parents are gone as they did not speak for 20something years.
Selective memories and disfellowshipping
by Really?! 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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LisaRose
Welcome. The sad thing is that this religion sets up the destruction of families with the disfellowshiping policies, then leave older JWs on their own when they get sick and have no family to care for them, they cannot count on the JWs to help them out, they are to busy going to the meetings and getting their hours. It's a situation I believe is quite common. Evil, hateful cult.
I could understand how that would be hard to take, yet you know your mother would get offended if you pointed out the obvious, that this woman shunned her child, so it's her own fault she has no one in her old age. Perhaps if it comes up again, you could pretend you don't know why she has no one. Say "Oh, doesn't she have a son, why isn't he helping out?". When your mom responds that he is disfellowshipped, you could say " So she never talked to her own child at all? Really? That is terribly sad. Well, I guess that was her choice, but I guess it's also his choice to not help her now". You mother will probably say it was his fault, he knew what he was getting into, he got disfellowshipped, yada yada. Don't respond, just let it drop. She will get the point.
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Oubliette
but if you ain't been in it, you can't really understand!
True dat!
Welcome.
Your comments about how this religion forces people to become very superficial in their relationships is very telling. The WT/JW policies just mess with our personal boundaries in so many ways. I'm sorry that you feel you can't be real with your mum, but that is what WT "theology" does to normal, natural, human relationships.
It is things like this that make it clear that this organization masquerading as a religion is in fact a destructive cult.
Oubliette
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JWdaughter
Welcome. I don't envy you a JW family and a teenage daughter:)
Best!
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cultBgone
Welcome, Really - I have the same frustration with an adult child so I understand the glazed eyes and the wall. Mostly I just try to make the occasional rational comment from a place of emotional sincerity and hope it sticks for future pondering. LisaRose said it well!
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KateWild
Welcome Really,
It's interesting to see that your mother is not strictly shunning you as you are DA'd, this has been the instruction from the GB. She obviously knows what is best for her, she wants you in her life. It's a real shame that the sister you mother feels for has shunned her son, I agree with all the posters that you should bring this up to your mother. It may help her to appreciate you more and think that shunning is a bad policy in time.
Kate xx
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Really?!
Thanks everyone. LisaRose - great suggestion as to how I can handle it if she brings it up again, I will bear it in mind.
I guess my mum should not probably be speaking to me, and I think I still have that fear of not being able to be myself and voice my views as I know if that I said certain things, it could result in her seeking "advice" from the elders and her being told to cut me out totally. I'm even a little nervous about posting on here and am mentally reminding myself to delete my history from my web browser in case they ask to use the computer next time they visit my home. It's totally ridiculous, I've been out for over 20 years and I am nearly 40 years old and a moronic organisation can still have some control over how I conduct myself (with my family members anyway). As Oubliette says, relationships become very superficial. I wonder if JW's like my mum also feel a similar kind of fear, in that they have to be very careful what they say about their relationships with shunned family members to people at the KH, creating another kind of superficial relationship.
Regarding my teenage daughter, my mum doesn't really say much apart from when the odd comment slips out and I think she does respect certain boundaries. Even though she doesn't like it she knows that I am bringing up my daughter to be independant, educated and very importantly to have critical thinking in all areas of her life. My mum tried when my daughter was younger - she would say a blessing over food when caring for my daughter and give her the bible stories book to read. When I got back to me via my daughter - she was maybe 3 at the time - I put my mum straight over the praying. I let her continue to read the bible stories book but used to say to my daughter when she was back in my care things like "its interesting isn't it, that some people believe in the bible...other people don't; and others have their own holy books etc" I don't think it did her any harm. I have never forced my daughter to have any religious beliefs and enourage her to think openly. The complete opposite of being brought up in "the truth" then