I made my daughters cry last night.....

by Ugottabefresh 32 Replies latest jw experiences

  • cultBgone
    cultBgone

    Ugottabe, as parents we must remember that we have helped to indoctrinate our children into this weird jw belief system...and that they wouldn't be there had we not placed them in it (for the most part).

    So of course when we tell them that we no longer believe, the spiritual foundation of their young lives just comes crumbling down, or at the very least forms a large crack. I would guess it could have the same effect as telling them mommy and daddy are getting divorced. I remember hearing that my worldly parents might get divorced and it was crushing, not because we had a happy family (unless you like waking up in the middle of the night hearing them fighting) but it was the sense that everything we trusted in could suddenly vanish. A lot has to do with the age of the children, I'm sure. Once I was older, I could see that everyone's life would have been much better had the divorce taken place. Sadly, my parents stuck it out to keep us kids happy...and they were miserable.

    Anyway, the best course is to be calmly honest as you've been (applause!) and tons and tons of unconditional love. I used to ask, "how would Jesus have treated that person or handled that situation?" It shows how totally off-course the org is without throwing stones, and it helps kids/others to think rationally.

    You've given your kids the best shot at a healthy life! So proud of you. Now you'll need to lovingly pave the way for them to follow you out. (((hugs))) You'll get lots of support here on this wonderful forum.

  • Ugottabefresh
    Ugottabefresh

    Thanks for the advice and kindness. Keep it coming. Makes up for the lack of love I got at the KH. :)

    Background: still married to the kids' mother, a believer, and I consider myself a Secular Humanist so no desire to go to a different church. Too much bloodshed and bigotry in the name of god.

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    Ugottabefresh, between the ages of 10 and 12 I started realizing that God wasn't all he was being made out to be. Maybe one day ask your kids why they think God continues to permit us to suffer if Jesus has already paid our ransom.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    When I was ten and my parents told me they were over the Witnesses, I would have done cartwheels. Next, I worried about being shunned by my gm and aunt. Somehow the best TV shows were always on meeting night.

  • snowbird
    snowbird

    It hurts, but you can't live a lie indefinitely.

    One of the hardest things I've ever done is quit going and seeing my little daughter (16 at the time) carry on by herself.

    The reproach in her eyes and the eyes of others was almost too much to bear, but I simply couldn't take it anymore.

    Your daughters will soon get over it - love always finds a way.

    Blessings.

    Sylvia

  • gingerbread
    gingerbread

    Pick your battles wisely.

    And be honest with yourself - treat your children like you would have liked to be treated at their age. If they ask about how babies are born you wouldn't go straight to explaining how forceps are used or the risks of an epidural or how the doctor performs an episiotomy.

    If you're mad at the Org. or "the kid's mother", don't use the kid as a pawn.

    Just some 'motherly' advice...

    ginger

  • Frazzled UBM
    Frazzled UBM

    The cult's use of JW parents to indoctrinate the kids is despicable and hence the confusion and dislocation when one parent learns TTATT - at least you can now be a postiive influence in their lives and give them alternatives to the WBTS BS. A lot will depend on whether you can get your wife to see TTATT. Good luck

  • DATA-DOG
    DATA-DOG

    I feel your pain. I have a kid who is well past Jw baptism age. I can't lie to them, but I have to be extremely careful what I say around the wife. She cannot handle TTATT. I am being patient.

    DD

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Ugottabefresh - Background: still married to the kids' mother, a believer, and I consider myself a Secular Humanist so no desire to go to a different church. Too much bloodshed and bigotry in the name of god.

    Hi Ugottabefresh, Would you classify your wife as "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking) or "Spiritually Weak" (still thinking)? Do you love your wife? The bottom line is do you feel that your wife loves you more than the WTBTS or less?

    If your wife is "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking), don't say anything more to your family about your feelings towards the WTBTS. As long as you pretend to blindly follow the WTBTS, you may be able avoid being DF'ed. Do not DA yourself if you want to successfully fade from the WTBTS with your family.

    Vent your feelings on JWN and ask for advice about how you can help your family critically think for themselves.

    Make your plans about how to fade from the WTBTS with your family. Your plan should include the following:

    1. Be patient and compassionate towards your JW family and friends, and love them unconditionally by showing them all the time and in everyway possible. Let them discover TTATT on their own.
    2. Do as much independent research of the WTBTS as possible by visiting reputable websites like www.jwfacts.com and www.freedomofmind.com and reading books by Raymond Franz ("Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom"), Don Cameron ("Captive of a Concept"), and by cult experts like Steve Hassan.
    3. Ask your JW family members simple questions to learn more about how you can encourage their authentic persona's to become stronger. Learn how to ask questions like Billy the Ex-Bethelite did in the thread exJW Psychology 102--How to Ask a Question When Questions Aren't Allowed to slowly plant seeds of doubt in your family. Be patient when planting seeds of doubt. When your wife asks you questions, encourage her to do her own independent research and that you are willing to listen to her opinions without judging her.
    4. Encourage your children to critically think for themselves. Read other threads on JWN about members helping their children to critically think for themselves such as the Thankyou dad, for making me think... by Aussie Oz.
    5. Encourage your children to meet non-JW children, to make play dates with non-JW children who have parents that you and your wife may share common interests.
    6. Take your family on fun outings where they will meet non-JWs who they may share common interests.
    7. Encourage your family members to become involved in time consuming hobbies that they love and will take time away from WTBTS activities.
    8. Obain more education/training to qualify for a better paying career. This will also allow you to attend less meetings and FS. If your wife asks you why, just tell her because the WTBTS does not know when the Big "A" will come, and you love your family and want the best for them.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • Vidiot
    Vidiot

    Ugottabefresh - " I made my daughters cry last night....."

    No, you didn't.

    The Watchtower made your daughters cry last night.

    Remember who the real enemy is.

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