Depressed or suicidal? Do NOT call a doctor!

by flower 36 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  SYN

  Sadly, the "Truth" is that for many Dubs, the only way out of the BORG is suicide, and articles like that don't help either. One that really made me sputter tho was the one in the Youth book about self-pleasuring (OOGAH!), where it said you should speak to a mature Christian about the "problem". AH. AHA. AHAHAHAA! If I'd said anything even remotely approaching something like that to any of the "mature" Christians in my old KH, they would have reported my ass to the Elders quicker than you can say "DISFELLOWSHIPPED, BABY"!

  "Vaccination has never saved a human life. It does not prevent smallpox." The Golden Age, Feb 4 1931 p. 293-4 - The Sacredness of Human Blood (Reasons why vaccination is unscriptural)
• 

  Matty

  Yes, it's ludicrous how we are encouraged to confide in the "mature" Christians in the congregation, as if they wouldn't use that information to inflict further damage on you.

  I'm sure that Suicide is something that all troubled JWs have considered at their lowest ebb. People who have never been in the borg probably don't understand how much pain you can go through when you feel trapped in something you feel you can never escape from.
• 

  orangefatcat

  Excellent post Flower,
  I am not one to admit very often that I suffered three mental breakdowns. Its something that one doesn't really like to discuss for all the reason that are stated already in here, I mean I remember when I needed help after a severe breakdown the people who were in my congreagation avoided me like typhoid Mary. Prior to this time I had been a pioneer and had an active part in the Ministry School almost every week, I could do a talk on the spur of the moment. And I always had parts on the service meetings. I was considered spiritually strong person. However after a very severe personal crisis with my husband and family, I had this breakdown. As for those who were closest to me,they didn't bother with me, they thought I had the plauge or something. Oh they expressed concern in their way.I remember I wouldn't see a therapist as it was considered as stated in that 1975 WT magazine that mature Christians need only rely on Jehovah and the elders to pray and assist them and that Jehovah was the greatest therapist of all. My ministry faultered because of the rift that now existed between my family and myself. I lost 227 pounds in one yr. I was an absoulte basket case. My doctor begged me to see a therapist but I kept refusing. Finally one day when I found out I was pregnant with my son, I felt I needed to talk to someone who could see me through all the anguish I had been put through. Going to the therapist was the greatest thing I ever did in my life. Finally I began to slowly realize that I was not responsible for what my husband and family did to me and if they couldn't accept me for who I was then it was their problem not mine. It took only seven yrs of intense therapy to overcome that pain and mental and emotional abuse I endured for years. In fact it was not until 1991 that I found out that my ex husband was a liar and he did everything within his power to make me dislike my parents. He played me like a puppet on a string. When I asked my ex way he did what he did, he said to me," get over it, it was yrs ago and I don't remember what happened". Well that was a filthy lie right there. The elders were no help over the yrs and I started to feel like they don't give a dam about anyone who has been ill mentally of emotinaly. They brush you aside. Well guess what I brushed them aside when I gained the courage to step out of my marriage and the organization all in one day. I have not looked back and have never regretted the steps I took to free myself from the bondage of a so called caring organization. My therapists over the yrs cared more about my well being then my family. If it had not been for my family doctor insisting and pleading with me to go I would probably still be a mess. I thank this board and Simon and all of you who have the courage to tell your stories so that others may gain an insite to themselves and know that they are not alone in their battle of survival. I just want all of you to know how much I care and appreciate so many of you. Bless all of you
  Orangefatcat.

  HINDSIGHT IS 20/20
  PROCRASTINATION IS THE THIEF OF TIME!!
• 

  Joyzabel

  ((((OFC)))))

  wow, that took a lot for you to tell your story. I'm so glad you got help.

  I have so much fun chatting with you. You definately are an example of healing from the jws.

  Hugs,
  j2bf

  ps, good post Flower. Too bad all of us can't get professional help as we leave a cult.
• 

  flower

  (((((((((orangefatcat)))))))))) your post was inspirational!

  after i had my son i mustered up the courage to face the elders in my congregation after dealing with years of depression and anxiety. i thought 'this is my only chance, i have to make everything right again'. i was genuinely sorry for my past 'sins' and wanted everything to be right with god. so i sat there staring three 'mature christians' in the face and sobbed as i told them how i felt about myself. phrases like 'i wish i was dead', 'i hate myself', 'whats wrong with me, how could i be such a horrible person', 'all i want is to die' were used. tears streamed down my face. this was the first time in my life that i had shared any part of my inner turmoil with anyone in the organization.

  so how do these 'qualified, mature, christians' handle this kind of crisis? after getting up and exiting the room with me left alone with not even the offer of a tissue, they returned and the consensus was unanimous. my course of action was clearly laid out for me. i should immediately......check myself into the nearest mental health facility until i was stable and past any feelings of self harm.

  oh wait a minute, thats what i thought to myself. no, my 'loving counsel' was to.....

  "Go home and get some sleep, we'll call you".

  the vision of my beautiful newborn was literally all that kept me from crashing my car into a tree as i drove home half blinded by the tears and stinging of my eye makeup.

  so remember dont call a psych if you are depressed and distraught, call your nearest 'mature christian' they'll know just what to do. might even give you directions to the nearest gun shop.

  
  flower
• 

  orangefatcat

  ohhhhhhhhhhh boy do I feel your rage Flower, and you had every right to feel that way. I sometimes think of the times I almost drove my car into a tree or two, but I am so grateful I didn't, I guess I had an inner strength that I didn't realize I had. Mind you if someone had told me that at the time I would not have believed them. There was one sister who was very kind to me, her husband an elder told her not to get involved with me and my problems. He was a selfish buzzard and I never did like him and I often wondered what my friend saw in him. She died when she was 49yrs old of liver cancer. She was the sweetest person and I will alway remember her with fondness. When I stop to think of the day I almost drove my car of the Champlain Bridge in Montreal I cringe..I never realized how people in the organization can drive a person to disperation. They don't care no not really, they just have to make it look like they care. I know of a friend of mine who was desperate for understanding by the elders when she came forward as an adult to tell them that her father sexual abused her until age 18, she was not really normal, but a real nice and caring person non the less. The elders just brushed her aside and cared less about her. At the meetings she would pass out on the floor and would need assistance and I guess it was to much of a nuisance for the brothers in the hall to handle and so they told her husband that she shouldn't come to the meetings. But the elders wouldn't get the telephone hook up either for her. Knowing what she had told me in utmost confidence I knew that the elders would treat her differently.
  The elders only criticized instead of helping her through her difficulties. Her husband was a strange duck, and no one ever bothered with them. Its so sad to see how some are treated terribly.
  They would give you the shirt off their backs, but no one would do for them and I know people would laugh about them.
  I get enraged when I see how the lowly and ill are ignored while those with money and class go everywhere in the organization. Talk about cliques, they exist everywhere and gossip well that sends chills down my spine, I hate gossip and there was always plenty of it in the congregation I was in. It was terrible how they would sneer or say unkind things about others in the hall. I know I was the topic of gossip lots of times as BFD told me this and she and I are soulmates kindred spirits. She is my bestest buddy.. Flower you are truly a good and sincere person and like you it was our sons that kept us going through think and thin. Bless you. Now I feel better, I had to let off some steam.
• 

  LDH

  Flower and OFC,

  ((HUGS))....

  Yes, they really have your best interests at heart, don't they?

  Their illusion of a Spiritual Paradise is so pure that any possibility of someone suffering so much while professing to love Jehovah---well, that just can't be!!!

  After all, we must keep up appearances, now mustn't we?

  Lisa
• 

  DanTheMan

  Matty:

  I've often wondered how many of the experiences such as the one you quote turn out in the long run. I wonder how long the honeymoon lasted for that lady.

  When I became part of God's clean organization back in 1993, I was told by friends that at a circuit assembly they attended, the CO mentioned a local experience in one of his talks that they were almost certain was a reference to me. I had jumped in head first and was a ball of fire for the "truth", it got noticed.

  After 9 years and 2 near nervous breakdowns, I left. Now I am a full-blown slandering apostate. DIE Watchtower DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• 

  Prisca

  (((((((flower)))))))))

  (((((((OFC)))))))))

  Thank you for expressing your feelings in such an eloquent way, letting us see the real pain you guys have gone through. No one fully understands severe depression unless they have gone through it. And you two have had the internal strength to have survived somehow, even at the depths of your dispair.

  I know of people who have suffered mental breakdowns, yet have not received the help and understanding they needed from their brothers and sisters due to the wrong advice given by the WTS. Oh, the damage the WTS has inflicted due to its arrogance and ignorance!!!

  Prisca, who knows how easy it could have been to have driven her car into the path of an on-coming truck
• 

  Mimilly

  This topic really hits home. (((((OFC))))))
  Before my own horrors surfaced, my best friend, Starr, was dealing with issues in her life. She was a single mom with two children and trying to be the dub they wanted her to be. She would show up for field service only to go home sobbing - and no one went after her. (This was my first intro to her). We became kindred spirits. The elders considered her spiritually weak though she was far from being that. She tried everything to please them. But her heart was broken. Long story short, she killed herself after one previous attempt. I was in another province at the time. I found out from a 'sister' who told me in a letter as if it were gossip. "Oh, yeh, Starr committed suicide last week and after a lot of talking, they gave in and allowed her funeral to take place at the hall". She had begun to see a psychiatrist, but it was too late. As far as I'm concerned, the elders killed my best friend.

  When my own past came back to me several years later, they decided that what I needed was an exorcism. I was so trusting, and was also taught by daddy dearest not to ever, ever say 'no'. This event led me to being taken via ambulance twice, with the elders in tow to explain 'their' story. In a few months, they went from helping me get away from an abusive husband to supporting said husband and calling me dangerous, spiritually weak, and hell, one elder even said that I bewitched men and I should therefor never be around any. (What a crock!) They followed me, interrogated me endlessly to the point that my family doctor put me on tranquilizers. When I finally signed myself into the hospital - a 3month stay, they came 2 times and all they spoke about was how great others were doing. Before I was discharged, I was told that I could not rely on worldly help but was to rely on them. I went ballistic. I was so torn over the events and the hypocrisy of the past several months I locked myself in a room and tore my arms to shreds with a polysporin tube. (It was the only way I knew how to release the anger at the time) The one thing I knew - was that I could NOT rely on them, and I was NOT going to. By their fruits you will know them. Their fruits were poisonous.
  The idea scares me of just how many JWs are 'bleeding out' inside and are unable to get help or to be themselves without the stigma of 'spiritually weak' being attached, or the threat of shunning etc. Once you admit you've got a problem, they don't want you - you'll tarnish their 'perfect' illusion of how happy JWs should be.

  I am beyond thankful for finding this site, and for the give and take that is found here. While we are all from different walks and talks of life, there is a common thread that binds.

  sunbeams to those experiencing dark clouds in their lives,
  Mimilly