Feeling disloyal

by stirred but not shaken 34 Replies latest jw experiences

  • stirred but not shaken
    stirred but not shaken

    Well Hello,

    I've been visiting here for about a year or so, but didn't really feel compelled to participate other than reading the various posts that interested me.

    There's been that uncomfortable feeling of being disloyal to God, the organization, many friends and relatives.

    I've been associated since birth. After 65 + years of service within this organization and actually enjoying that time, it troubled me to find myself wanting to express feelings that were contrary to all that time of "faithfulness". Those years were filled with progressive "privileges and responsibilities" even at a high level, and there was considerable success in our evangelizing activity. We were in the "inner circle" so to speak. Virtually all my relatives were heavily involved and several can be found in some special activity. I knew nothing else, and was content and happy for having the truth. We literally came to know hundreds of people from the U.S. and other countries. Perhaps some of you are here.

    I stumbled on to this site while doing some research. Unaware of the "TTATT" as it's referred to here, something didn't seem right, or rather there must be a more comprehendable understanding to some of the difficult teachings. An explanation that one wouldn't be embarrassed or retisent to express. I began to lack confidence that the understandings were coming from God, and if they were, they weren't satisfying. A troubling feeling. However, who was I to try to come up with something more suitable. Eventually I found myself discussing some things with trusted, level headed and open minded fellow worshippers. No trouble makers here. Sincere, devout, educated (with pedigrees in Service privileges) and most of all desiring a good or perhaps better relationship with God and his Son. This all began to occur sometime after we had studied the "Daniel Prophecy" book and shortly thereafter the "Revelation Climax" book.

    There were these incomprehensible explanations of the days in Daniel (not just the 1260) that concluded or were fulfilled in the 1920s and the trumpet blasts that were likewise fulfilled in the past century with some Resolution or convention date. I tried explaning that to some interested folks during that time, but kept it vague so they wouldn't stop with the program. But I thought why..why should this not be just so plain? I continued on however, buying into the "wait on Jehovah" and he will reveal it when it's the right time.

    Somewhere along the way we came to discussing the 70 years in Daniel, and to make a long story short, that did it. 607 couldn't be correct. It just isn't supported in scripture or history. This, of course, leaves the leadership of this organization suspect.

    Things started to pile up, and my confidence in what I had learned in those 65+ years was now quickly eroding. I needed to take a break from the expected activity, and proceed with filling in the blanks. It' taken years and many volumes of well established commentaries, to give me confidence that there's a better understanding out there, but not one so exact that one has to be arbitrary. There's a lot more to learn.

    Fortunately, my wife and a few other family members, saw and accepted it on there own. It certainly has caused some problems, however.

    In the overall, we're not bitter or resentful. I don't find that productive nor comforting.

    We've lost the intimacy of many of our friends and family. I guess we expected that. Being viewed as weak and corrupted is a hard pill to swallow.

    While visiting here, I've read some really good posts and they have helped confirm our decision. Hopefully we'll be able to add some insights along the way.

  • cultBgone
    cultBgone

    Stirred, thank you for this wonderful post. Many of us have experienced that feeling of "something isn't quite right" and the resultant "waiting on jehovah" for clarification that never materialized.

    The fact that you and your wife were so deeply embedded in the activities of the organization and yet found your way out is truly heart-warming and encouraging. I look forward to reading your suggestions as to how we can assist our own loved ones in waking up and realizing that "something isn't quite right".

    Love and (((hugs))) to you and Mrs Stirred!

    cBg

  • Heartofaboy
    Heartofaboy

    Welcome Stirred, 50+ years for me so I look forward to your future posts as I have been the through the same as you.

    Hoab

  • wannabefree
    wannabefree

    Welcome. You have quite a history with the Organization. I look forward to your participation.

  • Make Lemonade
    Make Lemonade

    stirred but not shaken:

    Welcome, It would be great if I already know you. In the big picture we already have much in common. The path our lives have taken in the past are similar. You were born in while I was not. However it was at a young and vulnerable age that I was introduced to J.W.s. Not an excuse, but a fact that helped me to understand the question: "how could I have gotten involved in a religion that is so wrong".

    Looking forward to your futher contributions.

  • AnnOMaly
    AnnOMaly

    Welcome stirred.

    That is some tall order - deconstructing and reconstructing your belief system after 65+ years in the Org. Your feelings of being 'disloyal' are normal, especially for a long-timer with many decades of conditioning, and they will fade over time as you gain confidence in your new loyalty to what is actually truthful.

    Looking forward to reading more from you.

  • berrygerry
    berrygerry

    Stirred.

    I'm heading out , but want to send you a message.

    So please check in later today.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    My name is Bond...James Bond. LOL. Yup, I'm old enough to think Sean Connery hot.

    "Being viewed as weak and corrupted is a hard pill to swallow."

    Totally not fair, is it, considering the agonizing self-examination required to face a new reality?

    Here's an inspirational video (skip the commercial), which to me symbolizes your transformation this past year. I dare anyone to call this man "weak".

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448

    Give your wife a hug for me next time you see her. I am so excited when couples exit together.

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Welcome stirred but not shaken, You are a very lucky man that your wife and a few other family members accepted your change in belief. Do you have children? Did your children accept your change in belief?

    IMHO being a little skeptical and using your mind is a good thing. Blindly following others can lead one over a cliff like a lemming (or Mt 15:14)!

    Besides JWN what other sources have you read? What other websites have you visited? Have you visited reputable websites like www.jwfacts.com, www.freedomofmind.com, www.watchtowerdocuments.com, www.jwsurvey.org, and www.freeminds2.org? Have you read any books by Raymond Franz (i.e., "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom"), Don Cameron (i.e., "Captive of a Concept"), and books by cult-exit counselors like Steve Hassan (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs")?

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • OneEyedJoe
    OneEyedJoe

    Welcome and thanks for sharing. I'm fairly new to this group myself, and I've found people sharing experiences like you have has been of great encouragement to me, so I really appreciate it.

    You said your wife and some family came to the same realization as you had on their own. I'd love to hear more about this part, as I'm currently in the situation of trying to work out where my wife is and help her out while not "exposing" myself and making her shut down and ignore anything I say. Also, I see seeds of doubt in a few others in my congregation that I love and want to help. I'm even more tentative to discuss any potential source of doubt there, though, and I'm always interested in hearing of an approach that's worked for others.

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