Maybe It's A Girl Thing...?

by Englishman 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Englishman

  I have read lots of accounts here about married couples who have left the JW’s over the last few years.

  There’s also quite a number of men who are leaving who are concerned that their wives may want to remain as active JW’s.

  Why is that, I wonder? Why do the males always seem to make the move to escape the clutches of the WTBTS, whilst the wife is usually desperate to maintain the status quo? We don’t seem to hear about women who want to leave whilst their husbands want to stay, it always seems to be the other way around.

  Most peculiar. Maybe it is a girl thing, but I'm blowed if I can see why a wife would be keener than her husband to stay put.

  Englishman.
• 

  ozziepost

  A complex question and any answer should not be a generalisation. I guess a factor that needs to be considered is what are the men leaving for? And are they intending to pursue a life of faith? It seems to me that dubs have been so conditioned into believing that there is "nowhere else to go" that the likelihood of any dub male associating with a Christian group or church is slim indeed. It could well be then that the wives are no less offended by life in the borg but are conscious of their 'spiritual need' and see no alternative to sticking it out with the WTS.

  Just my Sunday evening thoughts and observation.

  Cheers,
  Ozzie

  "If our hopes for peace are placed in the hands of imperfect people, they are bound to evaporate."

  
  - Ron Hutchcraft Surviving the Storms of Stress
• 

  Scully

  E-man:

  Maybe I'm a different kind of girl. (Well there's no "maybe" about it, really!)

  I was the one who wanted to call it quits with the JWs first. It took almost a year (at the same time I was going through post-partum depression) of subterfuge on my part while still attending meetings, going out in service, and "making nice" with other JWs. In the meantime, I was sneaking off to the public library while he was at work. The girls were entertaining themselves with picture books and I was deeply immersed in books about mind control, cult techniques, and religious addiction and abuse.

  Once I had enough evidence to show that the JWs/WTS were indeed a high-control group (or a "cult", if you will) I started bringing those books home and left them in plain view on my night stand. Hubby became curious and started reading them on his own. Then I'd ask him what he thought of what he was reading. I could tell that it bothered him, because when we'd go to meetings, he would concentrate on what was being said more than ever and we'd leave almost immediately without any socialization so he could tell me things he'd picked out of the meetings that were "crap", "half-baked crap", or just plain "total crap".

  Then the free newspaper arrived one Sunday morning and contained a PO Box address for information about JWs, along with the 1-800-WHY-1914 phone number. We sent away for the information - using hubby's PO Box that he uses for business - and decided to make the phone call. Up until that point we had not investigated any "apostate" information, just secular sources related to behaviour modification and so on. But from that point on there was no turning back. We read Crisis of Conscience - actually borrowed two copies of that so we could read it at the same time - in September of 1994. At that point we set the date for quitting meeting attendance at January 1, 1995.

  Love, Scully
• 

  Englishman

  Scully,

  Hmm, I guess you are the exception!

  Incidently, Scully, when I look at my Picture albums on E-frames, one has been uploaded entitled "Scully's pics". There are no pics though, just the title.

  Weird or what?

  Englishman.
• 

  TheStar

  Well it's just the opposite for me, but maybe I'm just the rare exception, dunno. I am the one leaving and my husband is still in. I'm working on him though but he is being as stubborn as any of the wife stories I've heard around here.

  I think it maybe that most of the time the males start doing the investigating first because of the exposure to things they have when they hold higher responsibilities in the congregation along with the pressure they face by these responsibilities. It's my opinion that if the females were expected to take on the same kind of responsibilities as the men in the congregation, it would cause them to investigate into matters deeper and maybe even leave the borg sooner than their male counterparts. A Womans emotional side tends to make her want to investigate matters extensively so as to make sure her decision (IE like on a JC) is the correct one and not a decision that could bring danger, damage harm or pain to an individual. I'm not saying men don't do this, I'm only saying women tend to deal more on the emotional side of things than men.

  In my case I had a reason to want to investigate things, I hated my life, I wanted a career and a family but I was sacrificing these things for the organization (for God I thought) and when I couldn't take anymore misery I just had to make sure without a doubt that sacrificing myself and my life in this way was the right thing to do. It was like finding the key to the prison door when I started investigating and reading everything online. The only thing I have to possibly lose is my husband because none of my immediate family
  is a JW. Infact, since my becoming inactive I have been able to strengthen my family ties and we are closer than we have ever been before in our lives, especially my sister and I.

  My husband on the other hand loves his life in the borg and has no reason to question it and infact would have a lot to lose because his whole family is a JW.
• 

  SixofNine

  I think your premise is wrong. w/o doing a count, I see many females who have left, or are thinking about leaving, hanging out here.

  I'll grant that perhaps more men give themselves license to come and participate in a place like this- -sooner in their exit than women.

  But I'd also wager that more women just leave the org on their *gut* feeling that something is wrong, that it isn't working for them. The sooner they can get to a place like this, the better not to be in a spiritual limbo.
• 

  Solace

  Englishman,
  I wonder if it isnt more of a "maternal thing" than a "girl thing".
  One of the main reasons I started seriously studying after my daughter was born was because of the old, "You are responsible for your families lives" thing. I was told constantly that even if I didnt care about my survival through armageddon, I was still responsible for my childrens" and "did I want their blood on my hands etc". I was also told that even though my husband was Catholic, I was still responsible for setting a good example and letting him know about the "truth" so he could be saved too.
  Its like, a parents devotion their family is used and manipulated in order to gain and keep members in the organization.
  "Was I willing to take a chance with my families lives because of personal doubts that I was having about the religion?
  Very heavy stuff. I must say, I struggled quite a bit as Im sure many others do.
• 

  Mimilly

  Englishman -

  I left the borg and hubby stayed.

  another exception,
  Mimilly
• 

  airwlk149

  i see alot of females leave and their hubby's stay but then again, i know of alot of females who stay while their hubby's take off. my thought: the females are too afraid of what their social group will think.
  sad?
  yes.
  that's why i left- sick of the social group thing. my mother stays because she's too afraid of what they will think

  love ya bunches,
  Katie
• 

  Imbue

  Englishman,
  Your theory may be correct in most cases but as in mine it is not true. However, I'm still hopeful My husband will come along with me. He's a great husband and he even does laundry so I'd like to hang on to him...LOL

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  "The only good elite are dead elite!!"-Naeblis
  (Ok! He borrowed it)