After leaving did the feeling go away? (page 5)

pronomono

A lot of those feelings went away, but some of them were replaced by equally negative feelings, like:

- I'm not good enough for my wife.

- I think my wife secretly resents our marriage because I'm not the man I used to be.

- Guilt for maintaining a false pretense of being a believer with my family and some friends.

- Agonizing over all the worst-case scenarios when I'm finally outed.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that I've been schooled in TTATT and checked myself out of the TMS and this religion (mentally), but I haven't reached my full solution yet. Sometimes trying to deal with a fade can wreak as much mental havoc as waking up to TTATT.

Alive!

I was not raised as a witness.

It seemed to me, over the years, that the culture of the org was to keep us 'looking at eachother' and measuring ourselves against eachother.

So many sermons about not comparing ourselves to our brothers - and yet there played out the constant 'comparisons' through parts in assemblies, the signing up and announcing of pioneers, the marking, shunning.... The marking of ones character according to meeting attendance and answers at meetings ..the assignment of simple things like carrying the mic - or worse, being taken off this 'privilege'.

At a time when I was seriously digging hard in my 'soul' for the best treasures to manage a horrible ongoing and private situation, daily making Christian sacrifices - I slipped off the heartily approved by JWs scale as my meeting attendance wasn't 100 % and I couldn't face those insane JW social get togethers....

It seriously messed with my head, heart and soul.

In recovery :-)

Simon

I still think I'm wicked and evil but now realize that's OK LOL :D

Seriously, the years of indoctrinated self-doubt and guilt-trips take a toll and they can take a while to shake. Sometimes you react to things in a way that isn't "you" purely because you have been conditioned to. It does get better and easier the longer you are away from it and eventually it all just seems like a vague bad memory.

Introvert 2

Totally went away, but I was in only for only a few years and grudgingly at best as I thought they had truth. The way a single man outsider such as myself is related to is not on the same level as a born in. Will always be second class, and besides just thinking about the blatant manipulation is enough to make my blood boil.

Mind you I spent most of my online time this summer researching and deprogramming myself. Must me multiple times harder for a born in where JW thinking is entrenched.

fukitol

Religious guilt and neurotic feelings can be hard to shed. I've found the only way to do it is to genuinely prove to yourself and accept that the Bible is not the' word of God' and there is no God of the Bible.

DesirousOfChange

When I'm having a bad day and everything seems to be turning to sh*t, I find myself wondering if Satan is persecuting me or Jehovah has removed his "favor".

Then I stop and think "WTF?"

Doc

After leaving did the feeling go away?