Why is my JW mother so mean to me and her grandson??

by quellycatface 12 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  quellycatface

  I've been wanting to ask your advice for ages on this subject and here goes.

  My mum is a jw fanatic, she just reads the Bible and the publications, no other books at all. She is a functioning alcoholic.

  She is so disappointed in me. I married out of the truth, you see!!!

  I go to a normal church now, she doesn't know I disassociated last year. Why play by WT rules??

  We live far away from each other.

  She has quite a bit of money due to profit in house sales but has never been generous. She is very mean. Never buys my son presents or treats. She always says he's naughty - he has mild autism!! She always compares him to the kid's in the kingdom hall, poor things. I really hate her sometimes.

  I just can't cope with her attitude anymore. I don't want to see her because she makes me feel like crap.

  Any thoughts?

  Thank you.
• 

  sarahsmile

  Do you think you can let her know when she says something that it bothers you! Please do not say my child is naughty or poor!

  Once you let her know how you feel it will get easier.

  As far as fanatic reading that could work to your benefit. One simple question can lead to doubt.

  I would be interested in what she is reading so I could say what do you think of this paragraph. There is always a few odd paragraphs.

  You could have your own private joke. As long as you keep your own views to yourself. Let her draw her own conclusion. Do not make it a big conversation more like a hit a run.

  You could look up comments from Wt studies here :-)

  Also, let her know it is Your life and You are happy with your husband and child. It bothers you that she states.......! She made her choices and she should respect yours.

  As far as gift giving goes I do not know.
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  Julia Orwell

  She sounds like she'd be mean even if she werent a jw. You can't please people like that whatever you do.
• 

  Splash

  As soon as she knows you're going to a different church she'll report you and shun you.

  Better adjust your life now to deal with that eventuality, so when it happens things can carry on as normal for you.

  Splash.
• 

  quellycatface

  Hi Splash! I kind of got my head around that scenario when I decided to DA. It would be no great loss, which sounds pretty hard but I've never had much love for my mother.

  Something happened in our family when I was 10 yrs old (not abuse or anything like that), that showed my parents in their true colours. I can never forget that.

  I've never been good enough for my mother. Fact.

  I just want to vent. I can't see her anymore. She destroys my spirit.
• 

  KateWild

  Some people are constantly critical. I get on well with my parents, but they can sometimes be critical, I normally pull them when they say something that's not constructive and I highlight that I don' treat my kids that way. They get the point, and we move on.

  My daughter was a princess to my dad. She could ask grandpa absolutely anything and get it. Things changed after she moved in for a while and he also started becoming critical with her. She handles it well and tells him to stop. This is family relationships, we say what is on our minds because we feel comfortable, my daughter sometimes criticises her grandparents too.

  What is important is open lines of communication and telling our loved ones how we feel when we are criticised.

  Didn't you have a lovely time in Egypt? Do you have some positive memories? Is she really that bad?

  Kate xx
• 

  punkofnice

  My mum is a jw fanatic, she just reads the Bible and the publications, no other books at all.

  She sounds like she's trying hard to maintain the cult induced delusion. Trying too hard to fit in to the WBT$ cult boundaries.

  She is a functioning alcoholic.

  There is the cognitive dissonance at work.

  She hates her life, is in cult denial and is projecting it outwardly.
• 

  MadGiant

  Emotional Blackmail:

  http://www.angelfire.com/biz/BPD/blackmail.html

  Toxic Relationship with Parents:

  http://www.consistent-parenting-advice.com/toxic-parent.html

  http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/20/health/20mind.html?_r=0

  http://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/05/10/ending-the-toxic-relationship-and-giving-yourself-time-and-space-to-find-yourself/
• 

  bigmac

  why not ask your mother to "lend" you a large sum of money--? if she refuses you can use it as a good reason to shun her !
• 

  Heaven

  This religion cult elevates its members above everyone else. JWs believe they are God's Chosen and if you are not a JW, then you and your child are beneath them. Your Mom may have other health conditions contributing to this type of behaviour as well.

  My Mom got the same way. She had COPD. It was tough. My MO remained the same though. Be firm but kind. Do not react emotionally. Stay calm. I kept in touch even though she was sometimes hurtful. I developed my own methods for coping. I had to limit my exposure to my folks for a time... they were just toxic. But as with all of us, the aging process caught up with them and they needed our help.

  The day before my Mom passed away she took my hand as she lay in her hospital bed and, with a clarity in her eyes that hadn't been there in a while, thanked me. I told her I loved her. I had a feeling she wasn't going to be around much longer. That day still has impact on me now... it happened over 12 years ago.