Why is my JW mother so mean to me and her grandson??

by quellycatface 12 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  BluesBrother

  OK , so don't see her any more if she makes you feel bad. She lives far away , you do not have to.

  If she has money then she will not need your financial help , I would resign myself to never seeing any of it....The blunt truth is that we do not need their approval, it is what we think of ourself that matters. It is a great pity that you and your son do not enjoy a warm Grannie relationship but it cannot always be helped.

  I seem to recall a scripture that said "As far as it depends on you.....be peaceable with all men. Sometimes it does not depend on us - they make it imposssible.
• 

  jgnat

  I was angry at my mom for a very long time for failing to be the mother that I needed. When I held a mental "funeral", letting that hope die, I reconciled myself to who my mom really is, and I have a long-distance, acquaintance level relationship with her now. I put in safeguards so she cannot cause me any more emotional pain.

  There are great materials out there to deal with toxic parents. You can likely get consolation and ideas from those.

  Yes, give up the idea of an inheritance. Be grateful you came out of it an excellent human being.

  A trick I learned recently to take the sting out of old familial stories, is to call our parents by their given names, mentally. This can help us identify them more as flawed human beings rather than identifying them with the societal roles, "mom", "dad", or "grandma".

  If you are worried about the loss of a grandmother for your children, I say failed parents can be replaced! I adore my stepmoms. You may also want to volunteer at a local nursing home. Lonely people can help each other.
• 

  nugget

  She sounds like a very self centred lady, she has drink problems and seems to have no appreciation for your son or you. If you were to DA she would use it as the excuse to have nothing to do with you. We invest a lot in family relationships and sometimes try longer and harder than we should because of the blood connection.

  She is mean because she probably has mental and alcohol issues that mean that she sees things constantly from her perspective. The faith she belongs to also makes her judgemental and gives her permission to be unpleasant and a framework to judge you.

  She is not a healthy person to be around at the moment. When you are in her company be firm about what you will and will not accept in terms of your son. If she accuses him of being naughty then I would be direct, "He is not naughty he is autistic as his grandmaother I would hope to see a little more tolerance and understanding."

  You have nothing to lose.