GUILT TRIPS AND EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL!!!

DATA-DOG

All hell has broken loose at my house! The Wife is pissed [ I did not turn in the "voluntary tithe" slip ], I did not go to the meeting either! My kid felt bad, why, who knows? Teenagers..sheesh.. So I say, " I am not going. Take some cold medicine if you really feel bad and rest." The wife goes ape and makes her go. Then she tells my kid that she doesn't want her to go to the meeting! My kid is freaking out because Mom is blackmailing her.

If she doesn't go, then she cannot do X event tomorrow. So my kid sucks it up and goes, only to treated like shit the whole way there. To make matters worse, she starts cying. That's okay because her feeling are hurt. Then the wifey says, " NO CRYING.." Then she sends her home and says that she will get a ride! So now the wife is setting at the KH pretending to be in spiritual paradise!!!!

My kid comes in, tears streaming down. " MOM is manipulating me! I tried my best and she just looks at me like...blah, blah.." So my kid knows what a guilt trip is... My question is this: Does anyone know a great site or paper explaining why people guilt-trip others? I need to strike while the iron is hot.

DD [ evil/spiritually weak/korah-like Father]

DATA-DOG

To be honest, if my wife was not feeling well, I would have told her to stay home too. It's all so watchtarded!! Friggin' cult!

DD

GrreatTeacher

That's more emotional abuse than just emotional blackmail. She told her to go and then not to go with x event on the line. Then she mistreats her on the way until the poor girl cries and then tells her NO CRYING!?! That's abuse. From her point of view her mother feels emotionally unstable and that's scary for her. I remember feeling that way because my mother behaved just like that when I was a teenager, too.

I hope you will step in and make sure she gets to attend her event. Let her know that you understand that she wasn't feeling well and she needed to rest. Meetings are not more important than your health. She will understand that you had her best interest at heart while her mother didn't. Ask her if she's noticed her mom getting a little crazy about the meetings. Ask her why she thinks that is so. Then, listen! Her response will let you know the direction you should go.

LisaRose

Doesn't your wife have to respect you as the "husbandly head of the house"? I know it's ridiculous, women are not lesser than men in this century, but your wife supposedly agrees with that standard, maybe it's time to use that? This is abuse, your daughter did nothing but be sick, your wife is in the wrong. She is violating many bible commandments. Being a teenager is hard enough without this drama.

The fruitage of the spirit are Love, joy, peace, long suffering, goodness, faith mildness, self-control. In what way is your wife expressing any of that? She should be setting a better example if she wants your daughter to be a good Christian.

twice shy

You should never attend a meeting sick.

Jehovah wants your best which means you should be genuinely happy and healthy and if you are ill you can't give your full attention, mind, body or strength to serve him. Please remind your daughter that she is showing great love for others by allowing herself time to get well. (Gently tossing the manipulation back in their own words.)

Her mom is very indoctrinated and thinks that the way she's taught at the hall is the best way. You know nothing could be further from the truth.

I wouldn't advise circumventing another parent's authority, but you can talk to your wife and help her find a way to give the baby an opportunity to attend without the Mom having to go back on her word and lose ground.

Even worse have you to allow the daughter to feel like she has power over both of you by overriding what your wife said. It will just cause hard feelings between you both and could quite possibly damage the relationship with your daughter in the future.

Your daughter is very intelligent.

With some thought and well placed words you can turn this around from a win-lose and make this a win-win scenario.

Hoping it turns out well.

DATA-DOG

Whether my daughter was sick, or tired is irrelevant, don't you think? I say, "Stay home, dial into the meeting if you really want to. [Don't want to be an overt opposer.] Just rest, or you will be sick for realz!!" Being run ragged on the JW treadmill is a bunch of shit. Grown people guilt tripping each other and stressing about Jeehoober killing them..

I am still looking for a good article to share. My kid is big enough to learn about loaded language and guilt-tripping. I just don't want to mention the "C" word. I believe that will become evident in time.

DD

baltar447

Just tread carefully. But I hope for the best!

flipper

DATA-DOG- Are you sure you aren't married to my JW ex-wife ? I swear to God she sounds like what I experienced in 19 years of marriage to her. To deal with the guilt tripping I would recommend to read any of Steve Hassan's 3 books on guilt, fear, and mind control. It gives lots of great advice in how to deal with these cult controlled people. Hassan's website is : www.freedomofmind.com. Hang in there

twice shy

Sad your daughter had to be hurt in order for your wife to look/seem submissive to you.

She was submissive, but with great cost to your daughter.

Perhaps there is a loving way you can call her on her brazen conduct when she gets home from the meeting and has had time to think it thru.

They are taught to manipulate the children to get to the other parent. Is she trying to use the "your dad's spiritually weak card" to gain ground?

Your wife was hurt about the tithe so she wanted to use the thing closest to you so you could feel hurt too. (sound/look familiar?)

You got this. Handled with care it will turn out good.

Beth Sarim

Families are really good at using their feelings to influence your actions. In a way they are guards, there are many guards.

GUILT TRIPS AND EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL!!!

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