Taking care of aging parents

by skeeter1 29 Replies latest jw friends

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  Wild_Thing

  BeatseatDevil .... I understand what you're saying, but in most societies (other than the Inuits), the parents care for the children until they grown, and the children care for the parents when they are of such an old age they can no longer care for themselves.

  Personally, I do feel like it is the responsibility of the children, just as it was the responsibility of our parents when we were younger. But when abuse enters the picture, the natural order of things is disrupted, and I agree that there should be no expectation of any type of assistance.

  My father was an elder, but he lived a double life and was very abusive at home. It took years for him to be found out, and in the end, he had nothing. Lost his wife, three kids, and the privelege of knowing his grandchildren. My sister and I use to joke that when he got old enough to enter a nursing home, we would find the dirtiest, nastiest, and most abusive nursing home we could find for him. (Yeah, we were bitter at the time.) Luckily, we will never have to face that reality. The asshole kicked the bucket at the young age of 65. The only relatives that went to his funeral were one sister and one of his daughters, who thought the JWs would think ill of her if she didn't.
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  kaik

  Excellent points here. I think the issue with the elderly care is unspoken burden upon Western society because we never have to take care of so many elderly today as had before. Century ago, average lifespan was 46 and only a few people made it to 65-70. Today, millions of people reach age that was unthinkable before the Industrial Revolution. Society is not yet capable to cope with such influx of aging when many people have one or two children. Additionally 1/3 of all caregivers dies before the person they care of. This make care very difficult. I tried to secure financial well being of my mother and her husband. I paid their house off and they do not have to worry about the mortgage. They are still independent and healthy. However, sometimes it is not possible to take care of elderly. I have seen some horrors even in my family where we had relatives living to 85-95-100 and it was not physically possible to care for them anymore.

  Problem many JWs face that they were never mentally, financially, and socially prepared for aging and death. They believed for decades that they will never die and will experience paradise in their lifetime. On top of it, they destroyed their social and family bond in the name of the cult and cared more about field service than taking care of their children and grandchildren. Now on wheelchair and one foot in cremation chamber need someone to take care of them. We had elderly sister that was very active publisher. She outlived both of her children, husband, but never made time to know her grandchildren. She was just busy with preaching door to door. How you expcet them to take care of granny that they never knew.

  Unfortunatelly the issue with elderly care is not only problem for JW, but it is world problem. And it will get worse.
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  Virgochik

  Isn't it ironic that we weren't supposed to go to college, but now we're supposed to be able to help our aging parents financially? I was giving my elderly widowed mother money but recently stopped when I learned she was putting it in the contribution box instead of buying food. I'm really losing patience with that.
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  HowTheBibleWasCreated

  Aha a retirement option... I have no hope in thw WT other then the Young gernation will pull it down. and tel the old guys to FO.

  Sanderson is young but he is so big he cant fight it
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  smiddy

  I was just recently talking to a DF freind who is caring for his 92 year old mother , his brother an elder has not communicated with him in decades and obviously does not care for his mother who still is a JW.

  smiddy
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  scary21

  I know of one JW who talked his mother into selling her home. He said you sell yours and the wife and I will sell ours, we will buy a nice large home and we will all live together. Well they did it ,bought the big house and a few months later they put her in a nursing home. Boy was she pissed.

  My mom said he was weak in the truth..........right
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  LongHairGal

  SKEETER1 & FINKELSTEIN:

  I wasn't raised in the JW religion (thankfully) but am in agreement that any parent who thought more of the religion and "going out in service" and followed the religion's dictates and shunned or otherwise treated their children in a cruel manner does NOT deserve anything from said children. FINKELSTEIN, you are right when you said if the religion had not bullshitted so much about how the world was "ending", today's seniors in the JW religion would be in better shape because they would have made plans for their future!!!

  KAIK:

  Yes, it is true that this issue of caring for an aging population is a problem that the modern world has to deal with, especially the JW religion that encouraged people to not prepare and is responsible for so much poverty and disillusionment. More importantly, and more tragic is as you said that they destroyed the natural social bond and other normal interaction that a normal family would have - parents, children, grandchildren.. I am SO glad to be out of there.

  VIRGO CHIK:

  You are wise to have stopped giving money to a parent who ends up putting it in the contribution box instead of buying necessities. I would tell my mother that I would not give her any more money!!

  The whole religion is a tragedy that we are seeing come to fruition.
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  piztjw

  One glaring fact jumped out from the last article about caring for aged parnets....not ONE WORD about the bOrg stepping in to help.

  Just leave it to the likley now aging themselves children, or turn the aged over to the care of the government! What a crock of shite!

  On a side note one of the comments was, "Isn't it wonderful the way that the FDS thinks about the older ones, and cares for them by giving us this food at the proper time?"

  I just about threw up! My parents and I have made these arrangements for care, etc. over the last ten years or so. And we didn't need no stinking "slave" to tells us how to do so, or when to do so!
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  BackseatDevil

  @Wild_Thing

  I think enough well-intentioned children doing inpet jobs of caring for complex human necessities and mental health has happened that more people seek assistance outside the realm of blood family. Especially because caring for one's parents means the parents admitting that they need assistance... and more and more people are not willing to face that, or are happy their children have a successful life and choose not to burden their children.

  Your description makes it seem this is currently customary, and I don't see that now. I saw this decades ago, especially in the mid 20th century, but not so much now... not in developed worlds who offer a variety of healthier options for seniors - especially as the fields of mental and emotional well-being in accepting aging has developed tremendously.
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  truthlover123

  Got a new co -- and of all things, received a phone call from an elder wanting to know how I was doing... apparently so did a few others in the congregation after his visit .... has anyone else been getting "uplifting" phone calls since the visit of a co? Since numbes are dwindling, are they now, too late, starting to concentrate on the congregations and keeping them "healthy" in the faith?? The horse is out of the barn and he did not ask me for my time, which was always the call before without a howdy do -- of course, I am looked at as up there in age...ha ha